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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Can’t Pass The First Level Of Customer Service

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Geeks Rule, Technology

    (I answer the phone.)

    Customer: “I just bought Grand theft Auto V on Playstation 3. Does anyone there play it?”

    Me: “I think a few of the guys have—”

    Customer: “I need to speak to them, NOW!”

    Me: “Unfortunately they’re all with customers at the moment. Could I possibly help?”

    Customer: “Yeah, how the f*** do you beat the first mission?!”

    Me: “Sir, I think that sort of question would be better suited to some sort of online gaming forum?”

    Customer: “F*** YOU! I’M CALLING CONSUMER AFFAIRS!”

    Building Up Abuse About The Building

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Top

    (I work as maintenance coordinator for a property management company. I get a call from a nearly 30-year-old tenant’s mother.)

    Me: “Hello, This is [My Name]. How can I help—”

    Mother: “You listen here. I am going to sue the living s*** out of you and you negligent company unless you fix the issues in my son’s apartment!”

    Me: “I’ll do everything I can. What is the—”

    Mother: “Well, YOU have already been doing ALL that YOU can. Maybe I need to talk to someone else, cause all you can do is f*** all!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m more than happy to assist you in any way I can but I will stop this conversation if you continue to be abusive. What is the add—”

    Mother: “I’M BEING ABUSIVE?! You take my money EVERY MONTH so my son can live in that s***-hole! Breathing in mold, dealing with rats and roaches! WHAT ABOUT THE GOD-D*** HOLE IN THE CEILING?! Don’t you think that’s abusive!?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I have no knowledge of any unit having any of these problems but for me to help I need the address—”

    Mother: “YOU HAVE NO F****** KNOWLEDGE?! LET ME TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

    (At this point I lose my patience.)

    Me: “Ma’am, did you sign the lease for your son or were you present for the signing of the lease?”

    Mother: “No, I did not, but what the h*** does that have to do with anything?”

    Me: “It MEANS I legally do not have to talk you. NO ONE here has to, and if you continue to be this abrasive on the phone, I will advise the property manager to evict your adult son from his unit. I DON’T WANT TO DO THAT! Now, PLEASE, if you want me to help I need the ADDRESS!”

    Mother: “Fine, it’s [address].”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t even manage that building. It’s managed by [Other Management Company].”

    Mother: “Well, then, how do I get ahold of them?”

    Me: “Let me Google that for you. ” *hangs up phone*

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 16

    | FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I went to check out a sale at a clothing store. While browsing the clothing racks, a lady runs up to and violently grabs my arm and start yelling at me.)

    Customer: “About d*** time someone showed up. I’ve been looking for you for ten minutes now!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that! I give you guys a lot of my hard earned money and all I get is crappy service.”

    Me: “Um ,ma’am, I’m sorry, but I think you—”

    Customer: “Now listen here. I don’t have time for this. I’ve got places to be, so just do your d*** job and help me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “Work, you got that right! You just get paid to sit on your fat a**. If it was up to me you’d be fired!”

    (At this point the store manager has heard the commotion and comes over to see what the problem is.)

    Manager: “Excuse me, ladies. Is there a problem here?”

    (Customer angrily points at me.)

    Customer: “Yes, there’s a problem! Your sorry excuse of employees stand around all day while your customers have to suffer!”

    (Looking at me, the manager understands what’s going on and is trying to not burst out laughing.)

    Manager: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but if you would have asked a store associate for assistance instead of yelling at another customer, perhaps we could have assisted you.”

    Customer: “Well, I never!”

    (Confused, the lady looks at me and finally realizes I’m not wearing a store uniform or name tag.)

    Customer: “Oh, um… Ah, I think I’ll just come back later.”

    (Looking extremely embarrassed the lady rushes out of the store without even apologizing.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry, miss. Are you all right?”

    Me: “I’m really confused but yeah. I guess. Are all your customers like that?”

    Manager: “That’s not even the worst of it.”

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 15
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 14
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 13

    A Crime Against Closing Time

    | UT, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    (I am working the register at a craft store. We are getting close to closing time, and make announcements over the PA system about every five minutes or so, warning customers to finish their purchases. About once a month there is a customer who comes in and wanders right up until the closing time before she comes to the register. Being at register one, I am the last cashier to close my till and have to wait until we’ve finished helping every customer that was in the store before we close the doors.)

    Me: “Did you find everything all right tonight, ma’am?”

    Customer: *sighs* “I suppose.”

    (As I ring up her purchases, she grabs a weekly ad from beside my register.)

    Customer: “Ooh, spring items are 40% off. Can I go look really fast before you finish ringing me up?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re closed.”

    Customer: “I’ll be quick.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you have already looked back there. We are closed, and as soon as I’m done with your transaction I am closing my till. If you’d like to take a look at our spring sale, you can come back tomorrow morning. We open at 10 am.”

    Customer: “I just want one item. I promise I’ll be quick.”

    (We are 15 minutes past closing, all my coworkers have closed their tills and cleaned up their respective areas, and are standing up at the front waiting, since we all have to leave the store together.)

    Me: “Ma’am, we are closed. And your total is [amount].”

    (The customer pays and trundles out of the store, finally.)

    Manager: “Way to be firm. I thought I was going to have to drag her out of the store.”

    Going On A Duck Tale

    | USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (My office phone rings and I answer it. The voice on the other line sounds like it belongs to an elderly gentleman who may be hard of hearing.)

    Me: “Hello, [Prison]. This is [My Name].”

    Caller: “Hi. Yes, this is [Caller] from [Small, Rural Town] and I need a duck license.”

    Me: “I am sorry, sir?”

    Caller: “I need a duck license. I know I can get one on the Internet, but the Internet is not good out here in [Small, Rural Town].”

    Me: “Sir, I think you got the wrong number.”

    Caller: “We have so many ducks out here. I need a duck license. I know I can get them on the Internet, but I can’t use the Internet so I need you to help me with a duck license.”

    Me: “Sir, you have called the wrong number. This is the penitentiary.”

    Caller: “You see there are so many ducks around here. So I need your help with a license…”

    Me: “Sir, you have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “… and I need it because there are so many ducks and I need a license to shoot them…”

    Me: “Sir? I think you wanted fish and game.”

    Caller: “… but I can’t get on the Internet, so I need you to give me a license.”

    Me: “Sir, you have the wrong number. This is the penitentiary.”

    Caller: “The what? Who did I call?”

    Me: “You called the prison, sir.”

    Caller: “Oh, you can’t help me at all then…”

    Me: “Let me get you the number to fish and game.”

    (He was very nice and appreciative, and his wrong number made my day!)

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