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  • July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Show Off

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Funny Names

    (I work in a theatre and help a customer with a very long ticket booking. He gazes at me warily through most of it as if expecting I’m going to make a mistake.)

    Me: “Okay then, sir. Here are your tickets. I hope you enjoy the show!”

    Customer: You shouldn’t call it a show you know.”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Customer: “Yes. A show is a vague description that could refer to a performance involving music or dance. I have only booked plays, so you should say ‘enjoy the play.’ Do you understand?”

    Me: “I do… and I hope you enjoy the show.”

    Listed Under Idiot

    | Newcastle, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

    Me: *waiting for answer on phone* “Hello. Can I speak to [Name], please?”

    Woman: “Sorry, I don’t know anyone called [Name].”

    Me: “Is that [Company]?”

    Woman: “No, it’s not.”

    Me: “Oh, I must have dialled a wrong number. I’m sorry to have troubled you.” *hangs up*

    Me: *while checking the number I need, my phone rings* “Hello, [Company]. How can I help you?”

    Angry Man: “Who is this?”

    Me: “This is [Company] and I’m [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Angry Man: “Where did you get this number?”

    Me: *confused* “I’m sorry, sir, but you just rang us.”

    Angry Man: “No, I didn’t. You rang me!”

    Me: *thinks he may have been on hold from another department* “Oh, well if you tell me who you were talking to I’ll try and connect you.”

    Angry Man: “I don’t want to talk to anybody. I want to know how you got this number!”

    Me: “Um, well can you tell me who you are and I’ll have a look?”

    Angry Man: “I’m not telling you my name!”

    Me: *realizes* “Is this the number I rang before?”

    Angry Man: “Yes! I used callback to find who you are and I demand to know where you got this number!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t have your number. I was trying to call someone else and made a mistake.”

    Angry man: “You’re lying. You can’t dial my number! Tell me where you got it!”

    Me: “I don’t understand. If I can’t dial your number how did I dial it?”

    Angry man: “That’s what I want to know!”

    Me: “Does your phone not receive calls?”

    Angry man: “Of course it does!”

    Me: “Then how couldn’t I dial it?”

    Angry Man: “It’s NOT LISTED!”

    Me: “Ah, I see. That doesn’t mean I can’t dial it. It just means it’s not in the phone book.”

    Angry Man: “Exactly. You’re not allowed to know it, so where did you get it from?”

    Me: “I don’t know how clearly I can say this: I rang your phone by accident. It was a mistake. I do not know your number. It was an error.”

    Angry Man: “I demand to speak to the manager!”

    Me: “I am the manager.”

    Angry Man: “What is your name?”

    Me: “I already told you; my name is [Name] and this is (company).”

    Angry Man: “I demand to know where you got my number from!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t think I can explain this any clearer. If you would like to make a complaint please call us on our customer service number. You’ll find it listed in the phone book. Goodbye” *hangs up*

    Delayed By A Customer Is A Certainty Principle

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I’m standing in line waiting at the check-out of a popular department store. There’s no one behind me, and I’m not in a particular hurry. The woman in front of me is buying a single item, for which she has a coupon.)

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, but the coupon won’t scan. Did you—”

    Customer: “What do you mean it won’t scan?”

    Cashier: “Well, I see that this coupon is for [Brand Name item] and you’re trying to purchase [generic version of the same item]. The coupon only—”

    Customer: “It’s the same thing, isn’t it?”

    Cashier: “Well, no. The coupon only—”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! Just scan the coupon!”

    Cashier: “I’m terribly sorry, but the coupon won’t—”

    Customer: “I came here because I had that coupon. Now put the discount on!”

    (Since it seems like we might be here all day, and I know that trying to explain her mistake won’t get anywhere, I interject.)

    Me: “Ma’am, how much is the coupon worth?”

    Customer: “It’s for two dollars. But—”

    Me: “If I give you two dollars, will you pay and take your item?”

    Customer: *insulted tone* “No! It’s the principle of the matter!”

    (I wound up waiting another five minutes while they called over the manager, and no, she did not get her discount)

    Turned The Tables

    | Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Crazy Requests

    (It’s a fairly slow day. Only one table is occupied. The guests leave and within half a minute, someone else sits down at that table.)

    Me: “Hi! I’ll just clean this table for you. What can I get you to drink?”

    Customer: “Aren’t you going to apologize?”

    Me: “For what?”

    Customer: “For this dirty table!”

    Me: “Uh… no?”

    Customer: “Well, why the h*** not?!”

    Me: “Because there are 30 empty tables where you could sit down, and you picked the only dirty one in the entire restaurant. The previous guests left only a minute ago. How could that possibly be my fault?”

    Customer: *disgruntled* “One coffee…”

    Lost And Found Rebound

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work for a section of a resort that plans activities, sells discount cards for certain activities, etc. Our lost and found section is behind our desks, in the break room.)

    Customer: “Have you had a brown purse turned in to your lost and found?”

    Me: “Give me just one second and I’ll go back and see about that for you!”

    Customer: “Can you make it quick? I really don’t have the time.”

    (I go back and look for the purse in our lost and found. It is not there.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I see no purses back there resembling the one you’ve described. You can fill out a lost item report and someone will call you if the item shows up.”

    Customer: “I do not want to fill out a report! This is ridiculous! Let me see if it’s back there!”

    (Customer charges back behind the desks, heading straight for me, full-steam ahead.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re not allowed back there!”

    (A manager sees what’s going on and comes over.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, I can assure you. If my employee didn’t see your purse back there, it isn’t back there.”

    Customer: “This is bulls***! Let me go back there!”

    (Customer charges again, only to be held back by my manager.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, could you give us a better description of the purse?”

    Customer: “Oh, my god! It’s brown, and has one strap. It’s Coach. It has an iPhone, a Coach wallet, and a makeup bag inside it!”

    Manager: “Does it resemble the purse hanging off your shoulder?”

    (Customer looks at her shoulder and her mouth drops open.)

    Customer: “You planted it on me while I wasn’t looking! You were going to steal it if I hadn’t come back here!”

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