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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Trouble Brewing, Part 3

    | Virginia Beach, VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (A customer buys a big bottle of beer and takes it out of the store in a brown paper bag as required by law. He returns a few seconds later with only the bag, and this conversation takes place.)

    Customer: “Hey, there’s glass all over your parking lot.”

    Me: “What happened?”

    Customer: “Oh, I dropped my beer.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I grab the broom and dustpan and tell my co-worker to mind the till while I sweep it up. As I’m on the way out the door, the customer stops me.)

    Customer: “So, can I get another bottle of beer?”

    Me: “Why wouldn’t you get another bottle of beer?”

    Customer: “No, I mean, don’t I get a free one?”

    Me: “Why would you get a free beer?”

    Customer: “I dropped it in your parking lot!”

    Related:
    Trouble Brewing, Part 2

    One Customer’s Bash Is Another Customer’s Pleasure

    | Medford, MA, USA | Crazy Requests

    Customer: “Do you have the new Oprah book?”

    Me: “Probably… what’s it called?”

    Customer: “The new Oprah book.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch Oprah. Do you know the title or author?”

    Customer: “It’s the one on TV! You should know it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I work full-time and don’t get to see the show. Do you happen to know the name of the book?”

    Customer: “It’s the one on TV! Oprah!”

    Me: “Sorry, do you remember the author’s name? Did she do an interview?”

    Customer: “Yes, that guy… oh, I remember!”

    Me: “Great, what is the—”

    Customer: “Blue!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “The book is blue.”

    Me: “Hmm… is it that blue one in best-sellers behind you there?”

    Customer: “No, the one on TV! Why don’t you have it! Why don’t you know what I’m looking for?”

    Me: “I work when that show is on, so I don’t really know what you’re looking for.”

    Customer: “Ugh! Let me ask my friend.”

    (She walks away and comes back ten minutes later with her friend. They each have a copy of ‘Ageless Body, Timeless Mind’ by Deepak Chopra. The cover indeed does have a blue background.)

    Me: “Ah ha! You found it! Great!”

    Customer: *holding up the book* “It was on TV! You’re the worst employee ever! Why don’t you know what I saw on TV?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Sorry. Let’s ring you up.”

    (About 30 minutes later, another customer comes up to my register.)

    Customer #2: “Do you have that book, um, ‘Strong Body, Strong Life’?”

    Me: “Oh, Deepak Chopra? The blue one?” *I show her the now familiar ‘Ageless Body, Timeless Mind’* “Is this what you are looking for? Did you see it on Oprah?”

    Customer #2: “Wow, you’re the best employee in the world! How did you know what I was looking for?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Let’s ring you up.”

    Leaving The Country Is Fined By Us

    | Veendam, The Netherlands | Crazy Requests

    (I work at the Dutch version of the DMV. We get a lot of calls by people trying to get a fine waived. In most cases we can’t, and in some cases we can give the customer some slack.)

    Me: “This is [name]. How can I be of service?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want to complain about your service, and I want you to remove me out of your system!”

    (I’m a bit confused; since we are a government-controlled agency, it is a bit strange for someone to ‘cancel their subscription’ with us.)

    Me: “What issue are you having with us?

    Customer: “I got fined because I didn’t get my car inspected in time for my MOT!”

    (Note: Translated into English, ‘MOT’ is our Periodic Vehicle Inspection. Normally, we send out reminders as a courtesy, but we cannot be held responsible if a customer forgets to get their MOT done. This customer in particular did not have an MOT for about 9 months.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I am going to try to repeat what you are saying so I know that I understand correctly. You want us to ‘cancel’ your ‘subscription’ to us, a government-controlled agency to which you, as a person living inside the country itself, are responsible to abide the laws on which owning a car are set?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want you to remove me from your system! I wish to go to your competitor!”

    Me: “Miss, with all due respect. I first of all do understand the discomfort of getting a fine for these kinds of laws. But don’t you agree that moving to a different country is a bit drastic, just because you do not want to get fined for your car?”

    Customer: *continues ranting*

    Me: “Miss, again, with all due respect, I do apologize for letting you feel like this. However, we have laws to which you, me and everyone needs to abide to. How unfair the fine may seem, I cannot undo it and I cannot take you out of our system.”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Me: “Because that would be considered a criminal offense. It would also involve you, leaving our country and living abroad. We do not have a competitor. I wish I had other news for you, so I’m truly sorry.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    Not Much Of An Enabler

    | Kansas, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Top

    (My college has a free laser tag game set up in the courtyard by a local group. One of the players, a boy I know fairly well, is knock-kneed to the point of it being a minor disability, and slowing his steps tremendously. He is a good shot, however, and wishes to play. We have about three rounds when a woman storms up to the two men running the event as we all re-load.)

    Woman: “Why are you letting them pick on this poor boy?”

    Employee #1: “Pick on… who?” *looks at group, confused*

    Woman: *points at the knock-kneed boy* “Him!”

    Me: “We’re picking on you?”

    Boy: “No, don’t think so. I’m having fun!”

    Woman: “How can you have fun? They can all run around, and you can’t! You have to hold still!”

    Boy: “A lot of people hold still, there are the forts to hang onto.”

    Girl: “And thanks for reminding him about the disability, lady.”

    Employee #2: “Ma’am, I assure you [company] does not allow bullying in its games.”

    Woman: “You can’t let disabled people play sports! They feel discriminated against!”

    Employee #1: “So, in order not to discriminate against this boy by letting him play, we should discriminate against him by not letting him play?”

    Woman: “I’m reporting this!” *storms off to the help desk*

    (She found out that the help desk was student run, and the boy running it was the knock-kneed boy’s former roommate. She was laughed out!)

    Delivered In A Dog Day Afternoon

    | Burbank, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Time

    (A customer comes up to my register in the morning, a little bit after opening. The guy who does the ordering is standing next to me.)

    Customer: “I got a call that my dog food was here.”

    Me: “Sure thing. Did you know which food you ordered?”

    Customer: “It’s dog food.”

    Me: “Okay, can you describe the package?

    Customer: “It’s in a can.”

    Me: “Okay, about how long ago did you place the order?”

    Customer: “Two days ago. I was told it would be in seven days from now, but it came in yesterday. Why did it come in yesterday?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We really have no control when the orders come in. It’s up to the distributor.

    (At this poin,t my coworker has found his food and I ring him up.)

    Customer: “I really don’t understand why it would be here so soon when I was told seven days. It’s too soon for this to come in. Why would you say seven days? Oh, and can I get a discount for it being here so soon?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We can’t do that.”

    Customer: “Well, it shouldn’t have been here this soon!”

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