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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Russian Into Things

    | AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests

    (One evening a very obviously young teenager (15 or 16) comes in and tries to buy a pornographic magazine. After I inform him I can’t sell to him without seeing an ID he sticks around and starts chatting me up. I am a very tall woman in my mid-twenties while he was very short and petite.)

    Kid: “You know, the main reason I wanted to buy a magazine is because I’ve been deprived of the company of women for most of my life. You see…” *he leans up against the counter, looks around the room and says in a stage whisper* “…I was trained from birth in a Russian compound to be a deadly assassin.”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Go on…”

    Kid: “I’m the best there is at the trade. I became the youngest secret KGB agent.”

    Me: “The KGB actually hasn’t existed for several years now.”

    Kid: *nodding gravely* “That’s because I took them all out when I went rogue. Since then I’ve been freelancing. But now that I have more money than I know what to do with, I’ve been thinking about getting out of the game. You know, finding a beautiful woman and settling down in my French chateau. What do you say? Want me to take you away from all this?”

    Me: *having serious trouble keeping a straight face* “That’s very sweet. But aren’t I a little too old for you? Not to mention I’m nearly two feet taller.”

    Kid: “That’s okay. That’s the way we like ‘em in Russia!”

    Me: “Kid, you are one cocky little s***. If you weren’t underage I’d buy you a drink.”

    Kid: “Well, if you come with me we can go to a country where the legal drinking age is much lower. You know, in Russia I’ve already reached the age of consent. If you get my drift…”

    Me: “Thanks, but I’m afraid I’ll have to pass.”

    Kid: *sigh* “Oh well it, was worth a try. Do svidaniya!”

    Pent Up On Pentagrams

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Religion, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m stocking an aisle when a customer walks up.)

    Me: “Hi, is there anyth—”

    (She gets a look of horror on her face and quickly walks away. I attempt to call to her but she ignores me. A couple minutes she comes back with a manager in tow.)

    Customer: “This is the girl! This is the devil worshiper you need to fire!”

    (Both my manager and I exchange a confused look.)

    Manager: “What exactly is your problem with her, ma’am?”

    Customer: “She wears a symbol of Satan! She’s a minion of Lucifer!”

    (This is when I remember the star symbol earring I am wearing.)

    Me: “Ma’am, this earring is not a symbol of Satan. It’s just a star. You’d have to flip it a full 180 degrees to be the symbol you’re referring to.”

    Customer: “No! It’s a sign of the devil! You’re a devil worshiper!”

    (My manager and I tried to explain to her the difference between the well-known satanic pentagram and my simple star symbol but she won’t listen. The manager escorted her away from my section and I removed my earring for the rest of my shift.)

    Possibly The Dimmest Customer Ever

    | MT, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I have just asked a customer for the serial number on his TV. He informs me he needs to get a flashlight to see it. He is silent for a minute, and then speaks up sounding rather irritated.)

    Customer: “Are you going to get me a flashlight, sir?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I need a flashlight or you’re not getting the serial number.”

    Me: “I can’t give you a flashlight, sir. I’m only on the phone with you.”

    Customer: “Please get me a flashlight.”

    Me: “I cannot get you a flashlight. You are in Florida. I’m in Montana.”

    Customer: “Do you want my serial number or not?”

    Me: “Yes. I need it to set you up for service, but I can’t wave my hands and magically make a flashlight appear in your hand.”

    Customer: “Your service is horrible.”

    Me: *muting my phone* “I want to go home now.”

    Bad Things Come To Those Who Wait

    | Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Crazy Requests

    (Our facility offers a cultural swim for women who don’t swim with men. We are the only facility in the city that offers this. We only have 12 spots for adults and it usually fills a month ahead. This call takes place one week before.)

    Me: “Hello, [Gym]. [My Name] speaking.”

    Caller: “Do you still offer cultural swim?”

    Me: “Yes, we do, but I’m sorry. It is full for this session.”

    (Caller hangs up abruptly. Less than two minutes later, the same number appears on my phone.)

    Me: “Hello, [Gym].  [My Name] speaking.”

    Caller: “I am wondering when your cultural swim starts.”

    Me: “Are you already registered?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but our adult class is full. We do have one spot left in our six and under class.”

    Caller: “Already? Can’t you fit one more in?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the class has been full for a month. I can put you on our wait list.”

    Caller: “Can’t you add one more?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. It’s a pre-programmed system and once a class is full, registration locks.”

    Caller: “Can’t you override it?”

    Me: *getting a little annoyed* “I’m sorry. That’s not how our system works.”

    Caller: “Why can’t the manager override it?”

    (This continues three or four more times.)

    Me: “I’m sorry but as I’ve explained the class is full and registration is locked. I can put you on a wait list, or you can try registering in the fall.”

    Caller: “Well, I guess put me on a wait list. There is still a week. Someone will probably drop out.”

    Me: *takes breath* “Okay, I can put you on a wait list—”

    Caller: “So, you’ll call me when someone drops out?”

    Me: “Well, there are four names ahead of you.”

    Caller: “There’s still a week. People will drop out.”

    (Because this class is so in demand people rarely drop out. I put her on the wait list anyway.)

    Caller: “Call me when there’s a spot for me.” *hangs up*

    Keeping Your Shirt On For Four Months

    | Buenos Aires, Argentina | Crazy Requests

    (I work at my mother’s laundry service. This is not a self service shop; we actually sort and place the clothes in the washer and drier machines. A regular customer comes into the shop.)

    Customer: “You’ve lost one of my son’s t-shirts.”

    Me: “That seems unlikely, but we’ll be sure to look around and see if we find it. If it somehow got mixed up with another customer’s clothes, I’m sure they’ll bring it back. What is the t-shirt like?”

    (She proceeds to describe the shirt. Later I speak to my mother, who assures me that nothing was lost in that package, and further informs me that the shirt in question was really old and in extremely bad shape. Still, we look for it around the store and it is not there. The customer starts to come by the store twice a week for several weeks, and on each occasion she demands, each time more aggressively than the last, for the shirt to be returned or for us to refund her.)

    Me: “We are completely certain that the shirt was not lost at our locale, and that even if we wanted to refund you, the shirt you are claiming really has no value to refund.”

    Customer: “Fine! I vow never to come by your shop again!”

    (Four months later, the phone rings:)

    Me: “Laundry service.”

    Customer: “Hi. I’m [Customer], and I wanted to let you know that we found the missing t-shirt in our summer home by the beach, so you guys can stop looking for it now.”

    Me: “Well, thanks for the heads up.” *turning to the empty deposit behind* “Guys! You can stop looking now! She found the shirt!”


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