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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Perhaps This Isn’t Your Calling

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (I’ve just started a new job as a secretary for a house construction company. The former secretary is training me.)

    Former Secretary: “This job is a snap. Answering the phone is the easiest part. All they ever want is lot prices or house prices. Oh, the phone is ringing now; go ahead and answer it.”

    Me: “Good morning. Thank you for calling [Company Name]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I need you to fix my hot tub.”

    Me: “One moment please, sir.” *to the former secretary* “This guy wants us to fix his hot tub.”

    Former Secretary: “What?”

    (The former secretary takes phone, talks a little, and then hangs up.)

    Former Secretary: “He had the wrong [Company Name]. He thought he was calling the head office of the hotel he’s staying at.  That was weird. Oh, the phone’s ringing again.”

    Me: *answers phone*


    Me: “One moment please, sir.” *to former secretary* “Um, this guy says ‘they’ are cutting down his trees.”

    Former Secretary: “Are you kidding?”

    Me: “I thought answering the phones here was supposed to be easy?”

    Former Secretary: “It usually IS!”

    Thinks They’re Trying To Pull The Wool Over Your Eyes

    | Ireland | Crazy Requests, Spouses & Partners

    (I work in a wool mill. I’m almost finished for the day, and tired from lifting and weighing yarn, weaving, and answering phones, when a married couple come into the store at the front of the mill. The husband keeps interrupting me.)

    Husband: “So, all of these scarves are obviously wool.”

    Me: “Nope. We use some wool, but we use a lot of cotton, linen, sil—”

    Husband: “Uh-huh. And it’s all Irish wool, of course.”

    Me: “No, we don’t actually use Irish wool because it’s not great for wearing. Irish sheep have short, wiry wool that is too—”

    Husband: “And why not? You have loads of sheep out there! I’ve seen them!”

    Me: “I know our sheep look lovely out there in the field, but their wool mostly goes into carpets and—”

    Husband: “Carpets! Where do you get your wool then?”

    (At this point, I’m getting a little overwhelmed, and his wife can see that.)

    Wife: “[Husband], let the girl finish; she’s trying to answer you. If you’re going to ask a question, wait for the answer.”

    (The husband then shuts up and lets me finish my sentence.)

    Me: “A lot of our wool comes from Italy and Japan. Warm climates have better wool, but we don’t just use wool from regular old sheep. We have alpaca and camel too, and we’re thinking of using yak next year.”

    Wife: “Fascinating! Thank you so much. What’s your name?”

    Me: “Oh, my name is [My Name].”

    Wife: “I’m so sorry. My husband can get a bit excited when it comes to new things. He thinks he already knows everything about it. Don’t let him get to you. We’ll take these please!”

    (She held up six scarves and I folded and bagged them. The husband pouted in the corner. Probably not the first time he’d been told off by his wife!)

    Can’t Get Nicotine From A Teen

    | Grand Forks, ND, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

    Cashier: “Hello, sir. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Do you always talk to your customers like that? How rude!”

    Cashier: “Excuse me, sir. I’m sorry to have upset you. Was there something I can grab for you today?”

    Customer: “Shut up. Just shut up! I just want [Cigarette Brand] and that is all. Can you do that?!”

    (By this time, the cashier was turning his back away from the customer to search for the item. He hid his face from the rude man, and asked what the box looked like.)

    Customer: “How dare you turn your back to me, boy! Hey, are you listening to me?”

    Cashier: “Sorry, sir, I am looking for your cigarettes.”

    Customer: “Well, hurry up, then! Jeez, don’t you know what they look like?”

    Cashier: “Well, no, sir. I do not. I am afraid I do not smoke, so could you tell me a little more about the pro—”

    Customer: “It’s the smallest box there! Hurry up, I’ve not got all day!! Typical of [Store], always hiring foolish, stupid kids on a department they have no knowledge of. Look, it’s grey, if that helps you at all. God d***, kid, hurry the h*** up!”

    (I come over to assist our cashier. The customer is leering over the counter and the cashier is slightly going through a bit of a panicked frenzy.)

    Me: “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”

    Customer: “Your dumb-a** associate doesn’t know what his smokes are and I am upset that you chose to hire him. Your foolish management and your stupid associates can’t do anything right! I am out of here!”

    Me: “I am sorry to hear that, sir, but—”

    (Before I can say another word, the customer storms out of the store, not looking back once. I quickly open up the gate to greet the cashier to assure him the customer is gone.)

    Me: “Hey, hey now. No worries, the guy is gone. Are you okay?”

    Cashier: “I think so…”

    Me: “He was just angry because it’s a Monday. You’re all right.”

    Cashier: “I suppose so.”

    Me: “So, what happened?”

    (The cashier then told me everything that happened, and I felt bad so I treated him to a coffee. But that was not the only thing bothering him.)

    Me: “Well, what could possibly be wrong that you are a bit unaware of the kinds of cigarettes out here?”

    Cashier: “It’s not so much that I don’t know all of them. I know some, but I never smoke. But it doesn’t help describing the color to me…”

    Me: “Why is that?”

    Cashier: “I’m colorblind.”

    Pestering Pest Control

    | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I work in the call center for a property management company that offers 24-hour maintenance and pest control.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

    Resident: *near hysterics* “There’s a pigeon in front of my house! It’s just sitting on the sidewalk!”

    Me: *confused* “How can we help you, ma’am?”

    Resident: “You need to have pest control out right now! It could be carrying bird flu! I have little kids in the house!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but we cannot have pest control out for that. It will probably just move along by itself.”

    Resident: “NO! They need to be out right away! I have errands to run and it’s just sitting there blocking my driveway!”

    (Seeing that this was going nowhere, I just took her address and told her I’d notify pest control. Needless to say they had a good laugh about it.)

    Putting You In The Hot Seat

    | Paris, France | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (I am on the bus home when a middle-aged woman gets on. The bus is far from empty, but there are several free seats left. Nonetheless, she approaches a teenage girl sitting down towards the front.)

    Lady: “I need that seat.”

    Girl: *in halting, heavily-accented French* “I’m sorry, I don’t…”

    Lady: “I NEED that seat. I need it now. I have a pass. I need it.”

    Girl: “I… there are other…”


    (The girl apparently gave up, and decided to move to one of the free seats nearby. The woman sat her bag down on the vacated seat and proceeded to stand next to it with a faint air of triumph for the rest of her journey – all of three stops down the road.)

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