Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,236 thumbs up)
  • Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Phoned In Bad Customers

    | Pensacola, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (My phone is old and has stopped working, so I’ve taken it in to get it replaced. The clerk and I have had to switch registers twice now because of a malfunction. I find it amusing and he keeps thanking me for being patient.)

    Clerk: “I’m sorry about how long this is taking.”

    Me: “It’s no problem. I work with computers every day. I know how finicky they can be.”

    Clerk: “You would be surprised at how mean people can get.”

    (I am about to tell him I know because I worked retail to get through college. As if on cue, a customer storms into the store and begins yelling.)

    Customer: “Where are your mice?! [Other Store] sent me over here because all they have are Chinese mice, and I want a good mouse!”

    Assistant Manager: “Sir, this is [cell store]. We don’t sell mice.”

    Customer: “The b**** at [Other Store] said this store had them! Where is [Office Supply Store]?!”

    Assistant Manager: “I don’t know, sir. I’m only a temporary employee here. I don’t live in this area. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “D*** right you are!”

    (I am fed up, and attempt to keep this customer from berating the employees more.)

    Me: “The [Office Supply Store] is just down this road next to another [Cellphone Store].”

    (I proceed to give the customer directions, and he leaves in a huff without a thank you. Another customer chimes in shortly after he leaves.)

    Customer #2: “Now everyone, turn to the person next to you and thank the good Lord that they aren’t like that man.”

    (The store erupts in laughter. The clerk goes back over my account and found a bunch of discounts for me!)

    A Bitter Drink With A Sweet After Taste

    | Belgium | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

    (Outside the coffee shop where I work, there’s a beggar who sits there just about every day. I always bring him a cup of coffee when it’s quiet. As I am not allowed to bring my own wallet behind the counter, I pay for it at the end of the day before I close the till. On this particular day, a customer I have just finished serving and has been watching me intently, follows me outside.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, what the h*** are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m bringing this gentleman coffee.”

    Customer: “What, for free?”

    Me: “Not that it’s any of your business, but no, I will pay for it tonight.”

    Customer: “What, so you’ll pay for my coffee too?”

    Me: “No, sir. Clearly you can afford to buy your own.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I work hard, I buy the most expensive thing on your menu every day, I pay my taxes, yet I don’t get free coffee! Does your boss know you’re doing this?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. He approves.”

    Customer: “F*** you. No he doesn’t. He doesn’t want bums walking around with [Brand] cups! I’m going to report you. Who’s your boss?”

    (I point to the Catholic church across the street.)

    Me: “That guy. If you want to file a complaint, you’ll have to wait. He’s usually only in on Sundays.”

    (Amazingly, that was the end of that.)

    Spinning A Yarn About Being Sorry

    | Gaithersburg, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Money

    (A customer brings up a skein of yarn to the register. I see she is intending to use a coupon.)

    Me: “Ma’am, that coupon won’t work on the yarn because it is on clearance.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not very fair. It’s only a few cents off from the normal price, anyway.”

    Me: “Actually, these are normally about $6, and it’s coming up for $2.64, so it’s cheaper than you would get using a coupon on a regular-priced one. Would you still like to buy it?”

    Customer: “It’s not fair! Why can’t I get my discount!? This is ridiculous!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but we don’t give discounts on clearance items.”

    Customer: “Oh, I bet you are.”

    (I am becoming both annoyed and nervous that the customer is going to have a full-on meltdown over this. I attempt to sound deeply sorry.)

    Me: “I cannot express how bad I feel about this, ma’am. There’s really just not much I can do here.”

    (The customer suddenly starts laughing and smiling.)

    Customer: “Oh, I’m sure. I still don’t think it’s fair, but thank you for having some humor about it!”

    (The customer pays for her yarn and leaves. The next customer in my line has been watching the whole exchange and is just as surprised as me that things didn’t turn ugly.)

    Next Customer: “Is your boss around?”

    Me: “Actually, I’m the boss right now; I’m the only manager here tonight.”

    Next Customer: “Oh, well I would like to compliment the crap out of you! I was going to say something pretty soon if she kept on like that!”

    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 4

    | Rotherham, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (The pregnancy clinic is running at the same time as normal GP hours. The waiting room contains three pregnant women, including myself, and a tiny very old lady.)

    Old Lady: “Why is SHE going in now? I was here first!”

    Receptionist: “She’s seeing the midwife.”

    Old Lady: “But I was here first!”

    Receptionist: “Yes, but the midwife only deals with pregnant ladies.”


    Receptionist: “No, but you aren’t pregnant are you?”

    Old Lady: “I don’t see how that’s any of your business!”

    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 3
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 2
    Cause For Pregnant Pause

    Straight-Talking Money

    | Spokane, WA, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I am working the queue for a regional bank, when an absolutely furious customer calls in.)

    Caller: “I want to cancel my account RIGHT NOW!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Can I get some information from you to pull up your account?”

    Caller: “Let me tell you WHY I am canceling my account. I went down to my branch today and do you know who you have working for you? A god-d*** [homophobic slur]. I refuse to do business with a bank who hires such immoral abominations against God! If you want to keep my business, you’ll have that flaming f** fired ASAP!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the federal law states we cannot discriminate against a person’s sexual preference. So, no, we will not fire him simply because he is a homosexual. Secondly, in order to close your account, you’ll need to go down to your local branch. There are some documents the law requires you to sign.”

    Caller: “This is bull-s***! Who do I talk to at the branch?”

    Me: “You’d speak to the manager… the gay manager. He’s the only one who can close your account.”

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