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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Changing His Tune

    | AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at a radio station. I answer a call.)

    Caller: “Yeah, what’s this song you’re playing right now?”

    Me: “Why, it’s [name and title of song].”

    Caller: “Well, whatever it is, it’s bull-s***! I can’t believe you’d allow such a s*** song on the air. YOU SUCK AT YOUR JOB!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir.”

    Caller: “Well, there’s only one way you can fix this. Play Kick Start My Heart by Motley Crue.”

    Me: “I can’t do that, sir. We don’t have that song.”

    Caller: “WHY THE F*** NOT?”

    Me: “We’re not a classic rock station, sir. As such, our selection of classic rock is rather limited.”

    Caller: “Look, I’m the voice of the people! And the people have decided that you suck, and the music you play sucks. So PLAY MY SONG!”

    Me: “As I said, sir, I can’t do that, because we don’t have it. The best I can do is pass that suggestion along to my boss, and if he agrees with you, we’ll get it. Perhaps you’d like to talk to my boss directly about this? I can transfer your call—”

    Caller: “SO YOU WANT ME TO DO YOUR JOB FOR YOU? JUST PLAY MY F****** SONG!”

    (He proceeds to call me and my station a variety of names until I get tired of him and hang up. This goes on twice a day for about a month. Every time one of the popular female artists of today comes on, he’ll call me up, cuss me out, and demand to hear ‘Kick Start My Heart.’ One day, the only Motley Crue song in our library, ‘Girls, Girls, Girls,’ comes up in the playlist. I play it, and he calls.)

    Caller: “So you finally decided to f****** listing to me and get Motley Crue. NOW PLAY KICK START MY HEART!”

    Me: “I can’t do that, sir. We don’t have it.”

    Caller: “I know you have Kick Start My Heart!”

    Me: “What makes you think that?”

    Caller: “Because you’re playing Girls, Girls, Girls! It’s on the same album! So if you have Girls, Girls, Girls, you’ve got to have Kick Start My Heart!”

    Me: “Sir, I took your concerns to my boss. I told him that the people were demanding that we add Kick Start My Heart to our library. After a lengthy exchange, he decided the only Motley Crue song I could have is the radio single of Girls, Girls, Girls.”

    (There is a lengthy silence from the other end of the line. Finally, he speaks, but instead of cussing me out, he has turned into an incredibly polite person.)

    Caller: “Oh, I didn’t know that. In all that time, you were actually listening to me, and taking my concerns. Hey, you did your best and thanks for that. By the way, love your station and love your show. Keep up the good work!”

    Price-Rise Of The Machines

    | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (We recently had a coupon printer installed that gives out coupons to customers. It says “Please take your coupon” whenever it prints.)

    Coupon printer: “Please take your coupon.”

    Customer: “NO! SHUT UP! I’M NOT TAKING MY COUPON!”

    Me: “But… don’t you want your coupon? It’s good for 50 cents off a granola bar.”

    Customer: “I would rather pay full price than do anything a robot tell me to!”

    It’s All Downhill From Here

    | Helsinki, Finland | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners

    (I’m a customer buying ski boots at a store, when I over hear a conversation between another customer and a clerk.)

    Customer: “Yes, I bought these ski boots a week ago, but they are faulty!”

    Clerk: “I’m sorry about that, what seems to be the problem with them?”

    Customer: “These locks won’t hold; they keep opening up!”

    Clerk: “Would you let me see the boots, please?”

    (The customer hands to the boots to the clerk, and he fastens the locks and can’t find anything wrong with them.)

    Clerk: “I’m sorry, miss; the locks seem to work all fine. Could you explain more how they won’t hold?”

    Customer: “Well of course they hold when you put them so tight to third position! Put them to first position and you’ll see! They won’t hold locked!”

    Clerk: “But wouldn’t the ski boots be too loose for you to wear then?”

    Customer: “Just put the locks to the first position and you’ll see!”

    (The clerk puts the locks to the first position, and they do ‘fall off’.)

    Customer: “See, these are faulty!”

    Clerk: “But miss, these locks are used to fasten the boot around your foot. They are supposed to be put tight and not left loose.”

    Customer: “But if I want to wear them on the first position, I should be able to do that! Why is there the first position anyway, if I can’t use it, huh? You tell me why? I won’t get full usage for my money if I can’t use all the positions!”

    Clerk: “Every person has a little bit different sized feet and that’s why the locks are adjustable. The point is not to use all the positions of the lock but to adjust the ski boot to match your feet.”

    Customer: “But what if I want to use the first position? Now I can’t; these boots are faulty!”

    Clerk: “I can take these back if you wish, but I have to tell you that you will have the exact same problem with every other ski boot, too. The idea is to find the adjustment good for your feet, not to use all the positions.”

    Customer: “I want to return these, they’re faulty! You should be ashamed of yourselves selling this kind of faulty items!”

    (I can’t help giggling, and the other customer gives me some nasty glances. The customer then takes a call, I presume from her boyfriend/husband.)

    Customer: “They’re taking the boots back, but are you sure this is right? The other customers are laughing at me… Of course hun… Yeah I know, they probably don’t know anything about skiing. I’m glad the fault was found this quickly. I can’t believe they would sell something like this. Okay, I gotta go; the clerk’s coming back.”

    Clerk: “Here’s your money miss. And I’m sorry you weren’t satisfied with the product.”

    Customer: “Well, you should be. But thanks, anyway. I’ll go buy my boots somewhere else!”

    (The customer then turns and leaves. The clerk and I have a laugh at the story. I reserve the boots until next day for myself. They are really good, but I still want to try some other boots, too. I go to another sporting store and I see the same customer in there. She is giving them a hard time about the lock positions. She accuses the clerk of being incompetent, and that her boyfriend knows everything about skiing, and that she should be able to use which ever position she wants on the locks.)

    So Slow It Hertz, Part 2

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I’m working box office today, and it’s been a really long, busy day. After so many hours, the registers sometimes lag a bit during transactions. We’re finally slowing down a bit, and the lines are pretty much gone.)

    Me: “Alright, so you wanted two tickets for Silver Linings Playbook?”

    Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I hit the buttons for her tickets, but the computer freezes up a bit.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. My computer is being slow right now.”

    Customer: *gasps* “You take that back!”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “Everyone knows ‘slow’ is not politically correct! Your computer is ‘mentally impaired’!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s a computer…”

    Customer: “And I suppose next you’ll say it’s retarded?! You people are so insensitive; it makes me sick!”

    (I’m speechless, so I hand her the tickets as quickly as possible.)

    Me: “E-enjoy your show.”

    (She takes the tickets and shakes her head, glaring at me, before walking away. The next customer comes up to me.)

    Customer #2: “What the heck was she going on about?”

    Me: “I don’t know, but apparently my computer is mentally impaired and not slow.”

    Related:
    So Slow It Hertz

    Unfashionably Late

    | MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

    (My store offers fashion shows. It’s the day before an event, and I’m making last minute arrangements when I get paged that someone is there to talk about the show.)

    Customer: “I’d like to schedule a fashion show with you guys to support my women’s club.”

    Me: “Of course! Let me explain to you quickly what we’ll do for you.”

    (I give her a quick rundown of the fashion show program, and what we offer, but she’s tapping her foot and looking at her watch.)

    Customer: “I’m REALLY in a rush here; can we hurry it up?”

    Me: “Sure! Tell you what, all the information you need is in this packet, and there’s the contracts I will need you to sign. Why don’t you return those to me when you’re able, and we’ll work out a date that isn’t taken?”

    Customer: “A date that isn’t taken? I need it NOW!”

    Me: “Now?”

    Customer: “The event starts in an hour; I just need you to bring the stuff.”

    Me: “Ma’am… I schedule fashion shows six months out.”

    Customer: “What? You mean that you won’t do it?”

    Me: “On this short notice? No.”

    Customer: “But I’ve been advertising this for months! We’ve sold over 100 tickets! We have themed the whole event around it!”

    Me: “Wait, so you printed invitations and got decorations, but didn’t talk to me until now?”

    Customer: “Oh, just grab your models! I don’t have time for this.”

    Me: “I don’t just keep the models in the back room!”

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