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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    He Knows He’s Full Of Malar-Key

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work in customer relations for a major utility. A landlord is upset that we haven’t gotten a meter read prior to transferring service into his name.)

    Me: “I see we have a key on file, but it appears it stopped working a few months ago.”

    Customer: *very irate* “Well, I don’t know why that would have happened. I think your meter reader was just being lazy and didn’t feel like doing his job!”

    Me: “Sir, did you by any chance change the locks on your building?”

    Customer: *nervous stammering* “N-no… I did not.”

    Me: “Usually, the key stops working only because the locks are changed or broken. Did your tenant change the locks by chance?”

    Customer: “No, I’m the only one that changes the locks on my building! That tenant was evicted, and I had to change the locks to keep them from stealing from me!”

    Me: “So, you DID change the locks, then?”

    Customer: “Er… um… well, why wasn’t I notified that the key was no longer working?!”

    Me: “So, you wanted us to notify you that YOU changed the locks on your own building?”

    Customer: “I’m so F***ING sick of your company!” *click*

    Fashions Of Dorothy

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (A customer walks in, and I start helping her out with styles and sizes. Her mom walks in right behind her while I’m starting a fitting room.)

    Me: “So, I’m just going to start you out with these styles first. Let me know how they fit.”

    Daughter: “Okay, thanks!”

    (While she’s trying her clothes on, I’m folding product and talking to my coworker.)

    Mom: “Excuse me, sir!”

    Me: “Yes! How’s everything going?”

    Mom: “Are you gay?”

    Me: *chuckling* “Excuse me?”

    Mom: “Are you gay? You’re well groomed, well dressed, and smell good… and, all gay guys look and smell like you. Plus, you know what looks good.”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    Mom: “Tell me, how does my daughter look in that outfit? Would you let her be your Hag?”

    Daughter: *blood-shot face* “MOM!” *to me* “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Mom: “What?! The gays always have beautiful girls surrounding them!”

    Somehow, The Great Indoors Doesn’t Have The Same Ring To It

    | Newfoundland, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work in a small checkpoint building at a campground. It acts as sort of a front desk for the campground. The building being very small, it gets very hot in the summer and has windows on all four sides of it. Three sides for ventilation, with one wicket for serving customers.)

    Customer: *pulls up in an RV* “Yeah, I want a campsite for the night.” *holds out cash*

    Me: “Sure, we have lots of availability. Can you come around to the front window here? This one is only for fresh air, and I can’t remove the fly screen.”

    Customer: “You mean come OUT? Like OUTDOORS?” *gets panicky* “Like, where there are bugs, and dirt, and pollen?!”

    Me: “Yeah, I can’t serve anyone through that window. I need you to get out and come around to this one.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I can’t do that! I think I’ll find somewhere else to camp for the night, with less outdoors!” *drives off*

    Time To Close The Books On This One

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    Me: “Thank you for calling [bookstore]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, yes, I’m trying to reach your store in Short Hills but no one will answer the phone.”

    Me: “Oh… well, the location in Short Hills actually closed three years ago.”

    Caller: “No, I don’t think you know what I’m talking about. I mean the one in the mall.”

    Me: “Yes, that was our only location in Short Hills. It closed because the mall wanted to jack up the rent.”

    Caller: “That’s ridiculous! I go to that store all the time. The number I have isn’t working and I can’t find it listed anywhere, so I need you to give me the phone number.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry to tell you this, but the number isn’t working because that store no longer exists. You can’t find it listed for the same reason.”

    Caller: “I was there last week!”

    Me: “I… don’t think that’s possible. There isn’t even a bookstore in that mall anymore.”

    Caller: “Oh, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Get me the number or get me someone else who can!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I actually used to work at that location. It closed down, so I transferred to this store three years ago. Is there something I can help you find, other than the number for the Short Hills store?”

    Caller: “You know, the employees at the Short Hills store are going to be VERY upset that you’re saying this about them! I’m going to drive over there right now and tell them all about this!”

    (One hour later, my coworker answers the phone.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling—”

    Caller: “WHY IS THERE A CLOTHING STORE WHERE YOUR SHORT HILLS STORE USED TO BE?!”

    This Caller’s Not Too Bright

    | Charlottetown, PEI, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company] Tech Support. My name is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “The technician needs to come.”

    Me: “Sorry about the issue you are having, what seems to be happening?”

    Caller: ”It’s too bright!”

    Me: “What seems to be too bright?”

    Caller: ”The light!”

    Me: “What light are you talking about?”

    Caller: ”The light on the box!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what box are you referring to?”

    Caller: ”Internet light!”

    Me: “Is this the light to your modem or your computer?”

    Caller: ”The light is too bright and I can’t sleep at night. I need the tech to come out and not make it bright!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Have you tried turning the modem around to face a wall or put something over the lights?”

    Caller: ”No, do you think that would work?”

    Me: “Possibly.”

    Caller: ”Well, I still want my other box back! It wasn’t bright!”

    Me: “…”


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