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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Dog As I Say, Not As I Dog

    | North Carolina, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (Note: our hot dogs come with chili and coleslaw on them, and customers frequently ask for them without one or the other.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a hot dog with cheddar cheese and no meat.”

    Me: “Sure. Do you still want the coleslaw?”

    Customer: “Yes, and be sure to toast the bun.”

    (I put her order in, and return a short time later with a hot dog in a toasted bun with cheese and coleslaw.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I asked for no meat. This has meat on it.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you meant you didn’t want the chili. Could you explain to me what it is you’d like?”

    Customer: “Well, I said no meat! Take the hot dog out!”

    Me: “Okay, so just to be clear: you want a toasted hot dog bun with cheese and coleslaw… but no hot dog?”

    Customer: “Yes! Is that so hard?”

    Me: “I’m so sorry for the misunderstanding. Would you like me to bring you a grilled cheese sandwich with coleslaw in it? It would be less expensive.”

    Customer: “I specifically asked for a hot dog. A grilled cheese is not a hot dog!”

    Fast Makes Her Furious

    | Devon, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (I approach a table with an elderly couple. Note that it is always the elderly woman that speaks.)

    Me: “Two gammon steaks?”

    Elderly Woman: “No.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the order was for this table. I’ll just go and check again…”

    (They ignore me. The other tables around them are either eating or haven’t ordered yet. I didn’t take their order, so I may be wrong. I check. It is definitely their table. I go back.)

    Me: “I’m sorry to bother you again. What did you order?”

    Elderly Woman: “I ordered two gammon steaks.”

    Me: “I just brought those meals to your table, ma’am, and you said they weren’t yours.”

    Elderly Woman: “I just wanted to sit and enjoy my glass of wine before I ate any food. Is that too much to ask?!”

    Me: “Of course, I will inform the chef and bring your food out to you later.”

    Elderly Woman: “You know what? I don’t even want it. Take it off my bill. I just want this wine. What kind of restaurant serves food to people in under fifteen minutes?!”

    50 Clichés Of Grey

    | Darlington, UK | Crazy Requests, Top

    Customer: “I want this book banned! It’s offensive and crude!” *slams a copy of 50 Shades of Grey onto the counter*

    Employee: “I’m sorry you find it smutty sir, but—”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t have a problem with that. It’s just poorly written.”

    Employee: “Fair enough, I suppose. You do realise that we can’t just ban books for that?”

    Customer: *grins sheepishly* “I know, but it was worth a try.”

    He Knows He’s Full Of Malar-Key

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work in customer relations for a major utility. A landlord is upset that we haven’t gotten a meter read prior to transferring service into his name.)

    Me: “I see we have a key on file, but it appears it stopped working a few months ago.”

    Customer: *very irate* “Well, I don’t know why that would have happened. I think your meter reader was just being lazy and didn’t feel like doing his job!”

    Me: “Sir, did you by any chance change the locks on your building?”

    Customer: *nervous stammering* “N-no… I did not.”

    Me: “Usually, the key stops working only because the locks are changed or broken. Did your tenant change the locks by chance?”

    Customer: “No, I’m the only one that changes the locks on my building! That tenant was evicted, and I had to change the locks to keep them from stealing from me!”

    Me: “So, you DID change the locks, then?”

    Customer: “Er… um… well, why wasn’t I notified that the key was no longer working?!”

    Me: “So, you wanted us to notify you that YOU changed the locks on your own building?”

    Customer: “I’m so F***ING sick of your company!” *click*

    Fashions Of Dorothy

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (A customer walks in, and I start helping her out with styles and sizes. Her mom walks in right behind her while I’m starting a fitting room.)

    Me: “So, I’m just going to start you out with these styles first. Let me know how they fit.”

    Daughter: “Okay, thanks!”

    (While she’s trying her clothes on, I’m folding product and talking to my coworker.)

    Mom: “Excuse me, sir!”

    Me: “Yes! How’s everything going?”

    Mom: “Are you gay?”

    Me: *chuckling* “Excuse me?”

    Mom: “Are you gay? You’re well groomed, well dressed, and smell good… and, all gay guys look and smell like you. Plus, you know what looks good.”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    Mom: “Tell me, how does my daughter look in that outfit? Would you let her be your Hag?”

    Daughter: *blood-shot face* “MOM!” *to me* “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Mom: “What?! The gays always have beautiful girls surrounding them!”


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