Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Holy Recession!

| Chicago, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Religion, Theme Of The Month

Me: *on the phone with a manager* “Hey, I have a guy here who wants me to give him ten dollars off, because he saw it lower two weeks ago… Uh huh. Uh huh. Right. Okay, thanks.” *hangs up phone* “Unfortunately, my manager won’t honor the price you saw, but maybe it will be that price again in a few weeks fro—”

Customer: *bangs fist on countertop* “God wouldn’t stand for this!”

Me: “I think God would understand that we’re in a recession…”

Makes You Wish You Could Crawl Into A Sleeping Bag And Die

| Cambridge, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I’m working a full day in a well-known camping shop. Due to thefts, we always have to have at least one staff member on the ground floor at all times. My manager has just called me down so she can go down to the footwear department and deal with a return. I’m alone on the shop floor, when a man comes down the stairs, looking irritated.)

Customer: “Excuse me, young lady, but NONE of your sleeping bags have any kind of information or prices on them!”

Me: “Oh, yes, I am sorry, sir. The new display tags came in today, and the prices are act—”

Customer: “I don’t want your excuses! I want you to fix it!”

Me: “I can’t currently leave this floor, sir, but the tags that headquarters sent us are actually wrong, so we can’t put them on the display.”

Customer: “Well, what are you going to do about it?”

Me: “If you tell me what you were interested in, I can look on the system and give you more information about it?”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t want to BUY one! Just fix it!”

She Has A Dream Of Video Piracy

| Knoxville, TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

(I am working the phone at a well-known retail chain when what sounds like an elderly female customer calls.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Store]. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Hello, dear, I’m not sure who I need to talk to. I was hoping you might have that new Martin Luther King movie in.”

(At this point, the customer starts rambling, which is a fairly regular occurrence. Thinking she’s asking about a documentary, I’m waiting for her to take a breather so that I can transfer to electronics so they can check for the film. Just as I get an opportunity, I register something she’s said.)

Me: “Ma’am, did you just say that Oprah is in it?”

Customer: “That’s right. Oprah Winfrey and Cuba Gooding, Jr. I’m not sure who else.”

Me: “Ma’am, I just realized I know what movie you’re talking about; I saw the trailer a couple of days ago. I’m afraid it won’t be out in theaters until January.”

Customer: “Oh, I know. It’s just that I don’t really like going to the theater. It’s so expensive and smells weird and people can be so rude. That’s why I was hoping to get the DVD.”

Me: “Ah, sorry, ma’am, but the DVD version won’t be released until at least a few months after the movie opens in theaters, so I know for a fact that we don’t have that DVD in yet.”

Customer: “Oh, really? That’s too bad… Do you think you might get it by Christmas?”

Not Mature About Manure

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

(I work in a store that sells gardening supplies and fertilizer. A customer calls our store.)

Me: “Hello! [Store], how may I help you today?”

Customer: “This may sound odd, but do you do… special orders?”

Me: “Yes, sir, what are you looking for exactly?”

Customer: “You see, my neighbour’s f******g kid decided to take a dump on my lawn as a prank, so I was wondering, do you… happen to make fertilizer out of human waste?”

(Thinking it was a prank, I decided to end the call.)

Me: “…No, sir. Have a good day.”

(30 seconds later, he calls back.)

Me: “Hello! [Store], how may I assist you today?”

Customer: “Hey, remember me? I wasn’t kidding about that thing.”

Me: “I am so sorry—”

Customer: “Listen, you b***! I need sweet revenge on this kid! He has been bothering me FOR MONTHS! Just make that s*** fertilizer and send it to his door for a ‘nice’ surprise. I need a good laugh.”

Me: “Sir, I do not appreciate you using a vulgar term, and NO, we will not even consider your request! Stop being an a** and don’t call back again!”

When Crazy Requests Reach The Stratosphere

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a major satellite TV provider providing tech support when this customer calls in:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [TV provider]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, there’s nothing on my TV!”

Me: “When you say nothing is it a black screen?”

Customer: “No! It says searching for satellite signal. What is that?”

Me: “Oh, that means that for some reason either the dish isn’t picking up the signal from our satellite or else it isn’t getting from the dish to your receiver.”

Customer: “Well, then put a new satellite up there.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t believe that would—”

Customer: “You’re not paid to think, so just put a new satellite up.”

Me: “Sir, am I correct in hearing that you want us to launch a new satellite, knowing that such a process would take several months and cost millions of dollars?”

Customer: “Yes, but we both know it won’t take months. I want it done tonight, and it better not affect my bill.” *hangs up*

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