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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Are You Sitting Uncomfortably?

    | NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

    (Our theater has electric recliner-style chairs. They’re very nice, but they are often broken by guests who mistreat them, and so we’re constantly having to fix them. I’m returning from my lunch break, when I see an elderly couple confronting a petite, teenaged coworker of mine. Despite being in their 70s, the husband is HUGE and looks like he could easily overpower everyone there.)

    Wife: “My husband is usually a peaceful man! But you’ve pushed him, and now he needs closure and needs you to pay!”

    Husband: *fuming* “I’m gonna have someone’s head!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry… What is the issue?”

    Wife: “You know what it is!”

    Coworker: “I apologize, ma’am. Let me call a manag—”

    Wife: *interrupting* “YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!”

    (I rush over and get a manager, who approaches them. I hear the husband and wife screaming on and off for the next five minutes, before they leave, making sure to announce loudly they’re “never” coming back to this theater, and telling every… single… person they can that we’re “cruel” and “worthless” thieves.)

    Manager: *walking up to me* “Well… that was interesting…”

    Me: “What was going on?”

    Manager: “Someone must have broken one of the seats in the screening before those customers, because his seat was stuck permanently reclined, and it hurt his back trying to lay down in it.”

    Me: “Oh, were there no other seats that he could switch to? Why didn’t they just have someone come in to fix the chair?”

    Manager: “That’s the thing. I just checked, and they were the ONLY ones there. There was literally about 100 empty seats around them… He just decided that he wouldn’t switch seats, and then got mad because the one seat he picked happened to be the one broken one.”

    Me: “And that’s our fault, somehow?”

    Manager: “Sadly, that’s not even in the top-five of dumbest thing we’ve been blamed for by angry guests this week…”

    Weighed Down By Your Thumbs Up

    | KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    Customer: “Do ya’ll sell concrete?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s in aisle 32 on the left, about 1/4 of the way down.”

    Customer: “I need 80 bags.”

    Me: “80 bags of 50lb bags, or 80lb bags?”

    Customer: “80 bags, please.”

    (I tell him to take the item number to the cashier, and I’d bring it out on the forklift as soon as it’s paid for.)

    Me: “Sir, what are you driving?”

    Customer: “That little red truck.”

    Me: “Uhm… sir, that’ll crush your truck.”

    Customer: “No, it won’t. I’ve hauled 150 bags with this truck.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s 6400 pounds in the bed of a truck.”

    Customer: “Just load it. I’m in a hurry.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m going to call our manager and ask him about it.”

    (The manager comes and I explain.)

    Manager: “Sir, that’ll smash that little truck, but we can load it. All I need you to do is look at the camera and give a thumbs up?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Manager: “So when we crush your truck, we won’t be held responsible since you didn’t listen to our advice.”

    (The customer gives a thumbs up, and I load the truck. It doesn’t smash the truck. With a smug look, the customer goes to drive away, until the rear end falls out from under the truck.)

    Customer: “What the h***?! You’re going to replace the truck!”

    Manager: “You gave consent, and the video camera you gave a thumbs up to also records audio.”

    Me: *still laughing* “Told you.”

    The Lawnmower Ban

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (My office line rings, and I answer.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Homeowner: *yelling* “YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL!”

    Me: “I’m… I’m sorry?”

    Homeowner: “YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL. THIS IS ILLEGAL!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I am not sure what you are referring to.”

    Homeowner: “YOU SENT ME A NOTICE ABOUT MOWING MY LAWN. I WAS OUT OF TOWN FOR SIX WEEKS. THAT’S NOT MY JOB. YOU CAN’T MAKE ME STAY HERE. IT’S ILLEGAL. I CAN TAKE A VACATION!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear about this, sir. If you could provide me with your name and address, I can look into this for you.”

    Homeowner: *gives name and address*

    Me: “Thank you, sir. It appears you were sent a courtesy notice as your lawn went un-mowed for two months, and your governing documents state it must be done every two-to-three weeks.”

    Homeowner: “IT’S NOT MY JOB! I WASN’T HERE! I AM ALLOWED TO LEAVE! YOU WANT IT DONE SO BADLY, YOU DO IT!”

    Me: “Sir, we are not the ones who set the rules; that would be the Homeowner Association’s Board of Directors. We work for them. If fact, this rule was suggested by a member of the Board of Directors… [Homeowner], about a year ago. If you would like, I can send you the minutes of the meeting in which you recommended this rule when you were on the Board?”

    Homeowner: *meekly* “I didn’t know I would go on vacation back then…”

    Customers: Terrified Of Change

    | Cambridge, MA, USA | Crazy Requests

    (We’ve just spent the last two weeks completely renovating our retail space. The layout is entirely different, including knocking down some walls. Shortly after re-opening a customer comes up to the counter.)

    Customer: “Everything’s just moved around for the weekend, right? You’ll move it all back to the way it was tomorrow?”

    Can’t Follow Her Train Of Thought

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    Me: “Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a board game about trains, and there’s tickets…”

    Me: “Oh, Ticket To Ride?”

    Customer: “No. In the game, you collect these tickets for different routes, and you used these colored trains to connect the routes…”

    Me: “That’s Ticket To Ride. It’s actually one of my favorites—”

    Customer: “It’s NOT Ticket To Ride. But in the game, the different tickets are worth a certain amount of points, and the further the routes are from one another, the more points the ticket is worth…”

    Me: “Hold on.”

    (I grab a copy of ‘Ticket To Ride’ off the shelf and show it to her, with the name of the game facing me. An image of the game’s board is printed on the back.)

    Me: “Is this the game you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “Yes!” *grabs the game*

    Me: “This is Ticket To Ride. ”

    Customer: “Oh, then this isn’t it.” *drops it back onto the counter*

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