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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Getting All Hancocked Over A Benjamin

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I am ringing up a customer. After I tell him his total, he decides to continue shopping. He tries to hand me a $100 bill, but I tell him to hold on to it until he’s done shopping. I watch him shove it in his pocket. A few minutes later, he comes back with a second item.)

    Me: “Your total today is $32.44.”

    (The customer grabs the bag and begins to walk away.)

    Me: “Sir, you still need to pay for your purchase. It’s $32.44.”

    Customer: “I already gave you $100!”

    Me: “No, I asked you to hold on to your money until you finished shopping.”

    Customer: “Nu-uh, you put it in the register.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s in your right pants pocket.”

    (He reaches in, pulls out the bill, and hastily shoves it back in his pocket.)

    Customer: “I saw you take it! Hey everyone! This b**** stole my money!”

    Me: “Sir, I assure you that your money is in your pocket.”

    Customer: “Nah, f*** you, b****! Give me back my money!”

    (He then comes over the counter at me as I’m dialing security. I give him my ‘don’t mess with me’ glare and he backs off, but moves on to threatening the other customers, saying they were all on it and that one of them has his money. Security finally arrives and escorts him out, banning him from the premises.)

    Related:
    Getting All Hancocked Over A Lincoln

    Less Scam Artists, More Scam Finger-Painters

    | CT, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a small specialty retail shop. It is the beginning of the day, so we only have $70 in each of the two cash registers, mostly change with a handful of $5 and $1 bills. Two customers come in and browse around, getting only a few small items each. They are the first customers of the day on my register. The first one gives me a $20 bill for a $4.79 purchase. I put the bill on top of the drawer, and count the change back to her.)

    Customer: “You’re giving me the wrong change. I gave you a $50 bill.”

    (I haven’t closed the register, and am just putting the $20 in its slot, so I show the customer the bill.)

    Me: “No, you gave me a $20 bill, right here.”

    Customer: “No, I know I gave you a $50 bill.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it was a $20 bill. You’re my first customer, and this is the only $20 bill, and there are no $50 bills at all.”

    Customer: “You must have put it into the safe slot.”

    Me: “We don’t have one of those. Here, have a look.”

    (I pull the drawer out, and show the customer the contents and the space underneath it.)

    Me: “There’s no $50 bill anywhere. And no other bills over $5.”

    (The customer’s friend decides to intervene.)

    Customer’s Friend: “Don’t worry; it’s okay.”

    (They exchange looks, and the first customer rolls her eyes.)

    Customer: “Okay then, well, no point in making a scene about it.”

    Me: “Thank you.”

    (I check out the friend’s small purchase, who gives me a $50 bill. I give her the change and they both turn to leave. On the way out, the friend whispers to the first customer…)

    Customer’s Friend: “You were supposed to let me check out first!”

    Enough To Get The Blood Pumping

    | QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I’m working on the checkouts when a customer around her 30s approaches with a large trolley.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you?”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (She starts loading her groceries onto the register and I start scanning. She then reaches into her bag to take something out. Not paying much attention, I continue scanning. The register belt moves closer to me and soon I see that she has placed a used sanitary pad on the register.)

    Me: “Uh… ma’am? Is that from you?”

    Customer: “Yes, why?”

    Me: “Would you mind removing it from my register?”

    Customer: “Why? Are you too lazy to throw it out yourself?”

    Me: “Ma’am, that is a serious health hazard. Besides that, it isn’t in my job description to clean up after customers. I’m not touching that; please get it off my register.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe how lazy you are!”

    (The customer grabs the pad, storms over to the bin and throws it away before coming back to pay for her groceries. She leaves without a word. I close down my register, and wash my hands a dozen times.)

    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Themselves, Part 5

    | Stamford, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m deaf in one ear, and what makes it worse at this time is that I have an ear infection. This makes it extremely difficult to take customer’s drinks correctly, especially if they are saying them very fast. I have only asked this customer once to repeat what the milk and syrup were.)

    Customer: “Why do they have the least experienced person taking orders? How many times do I have to repeat myself?!”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am; I’m hearing impaired. I was only asking once again to make sure I charged you correctly and that your drink won’t be made wrong.”

    Customer: *flustered* “Well, then you should have to wear a sign or something to let people know that you can’t hear.”

    (The next customer in the queue chimes decides to chime in.)

    Next Customer: “Yeah, because the poor girl probably doesn’t feel embarrassed enough about having you yell at her and having to put up with a**holes like you.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?! How dare you! Forget my drink! I’ll just go somewhere else!”

    (The customer storms out.)

    Next Customer: “Wow, I’m so sorry about that. Do people normally act like that here?”

    Me: “She’s a regular…”

    Related:
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Himself, Part 4
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Himself, Part 3
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Themself, Part 2
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

    The Joke Is On (And In) Him

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a party and joke item store. Our policy for backpacks is you have to leave them at the front door, no matter what. I stop three kids as they enter.)

    Me: “Excuse me, you have to leave your backpack at the front by the door.”

    (Two of the kids put their bags up front. The third pretends he didn’t hear me.)

    Me: “You have to put your backpack up front.”

    Kid: “What? Why? Someone’s going to steal it if I leave it up front.”

    Me: “I doubt anyone will want your backpack, but if it bothers you that much, write your name on a slip of paper and I’ll attach it to the bag.”

    Kid: “F*** no. I’m not going to steal anything. You a**holes always think I’m going to steal something.”

    Me: “The policy is that you put your bag up front. No one is immune to that policy. I don’t care if you’re an elderly man with a bag of candy; you still put it up front.”

    Kid: “Man…”

    (The kid gets annoyed and drops his bag at the door, and then stomps off after his friends. Thirty minutes later, he comes back.)

    Kid: “See? I didn’t steal s***!”

    (As soon as the kid picks his bag up, a plastic knife drops from his pants pocket, along with a pirate’s gold tooth, and a rubber mask slides halfway from under his shirt.)

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