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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Of Mama Bears And Magic Hairs

    | AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I am working as a cashier. A very tall and slender man, in his late 20s, wearing all black, with shoulder length black hair, facial piercings, and white and black face make up, and his nails painted black comes up to my till.)

    Me: “Hi, did you find everything? Or is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: *in a very quiet low voice* “Um… yeah. I was wondering if you can hold this for a little while. Mama bear is done shopping over at [grocery store], and I need to go get her.”

    Me: “Sure, if you just want to leave it here, I can put it under my till or you can take it to customer service.”

    Customer: “I will leave it here.”

    (The customer walks away. After about 15 minutes, he comes back to my till.)

    Customer: “Hi, mama bear wasn’t finished, so I need to know if you can hold my stuff a while longer.”

    Me: “Sure thing, that won’t be a problem.”

    (He then proceeds to reach out a touch my hair.)

    Customer: “I feel the energy of your hair. It wants you to know, it loves you.”

    Me: “…”

    (Once again he walks out the door. After another hour he comes back in with an older lady, in her 80s with a cane.)

    Customer: “See Oma, this is who I was telling you about. Do you feel that energy?”

    Old Lady: “Yes, she feels very light, like clouds.”

    Me: “Are you ready to pay?”

    Old Lady: “In a minute, dear.”

    (This is when a middle aged lady, maybe 50, walks in grabs their hands and starts leading them toward the door without purchasing their items.)

    Customer: “But mama bear, the hair!”

    Coworker: “That was odd.”

    You Reap What You Soy

    | DE, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m a regular customer standing in line at my favorite coffee shop. It’s a busy morning, and the very friendly barista I know is flying through orders. Customer #1 is ahead of me waiting.)

    Barista: “I have a large latte for [Customer #1].”

    Customer #1: “Is that soy? I asked for soy.”

    Barista: “Oh no, it’s not. I apologize; the cup was not marked properly. I’m glad you checked.”

    Customer #1: “I have a severe dairy allergy. It was supposed to be soy.”

    Barista: “Well I do apologize; I’ll start another right away. We always say ‘soy’ when the coffee contains soy, so thanks for checking.”

    Customer #1: “I don’t need your attitude!”

    Barista: “I did not mean to give you any attitude, ma’am. Again I apologize. In fact, I have a diary allergy myself, so I understand. Here’s your tall latte with soy.”

    (I can tell that everyone around me is feeling uncomfortable witnessing Customer #1′s bad behavior. She starts to leave with her coffee, and turns to Customer #2.)

    Customer #1: “What a b****!”

    Customer #2: “You sure act like one!”

    (At this, the remainder of the customers shout statements of agreement.)

    Remainder Of Customers: “Yeah! Way to be a nasty person over a little mistake! Poor girl is just doing her job, and she’s hustling through it too! I would never want to have to put up with you! You really ought to be nicer to people who serve you your food!”

    (Customer #1 practically runs from the store. It gives me a little more faith in humanity!)

    Way Out Of Line

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a high end clothing store that’s having a massive sale. Even with all five checkouts open, the line of customers is still nearly 30 people long. I’m working on restocking some shirts when I see a pair of young girl customers cut to the front of the line directly in front of another customer.)

    Customer: “Ladies, I’m sorry, but there is a line.”

    Girl #1: “Man, why do you care if we cut? It’s just one purchase; you can stand to wait a few more minutes.”

    Customer: “That wouldn’t be fair to the people behind me. Please go to the back of the line.”

    Girl #2: “F*** you! You little punk-a**! If my girl wants to cut in front of you, then you can’t stop her.”

    (Sighing, the customer calls to one of my coworkers.)

    Customer: “Can you please escort these ladies to the back of the line?”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, ladies, but you do have to move to the back, and I’m going to have to ask you to tone down your language.”

    Girl #1: “Man, f*** this! This b****-a** just don’t want to help me.”

    (Both of them turn back to the customer.)

    Girl #1: “This is all your fault you gay mother-f*****!”

    (At this, both girls swing at the customer, punching him in the face and neck.)

    Customer: *wincing* “Well, that would probably count as battery, and maybe even assault. Are there any more crimes you want to commit before you get kicked out?”

    Girl #2: “Oh, big f****** man, hiding behind some b****-a** cops because you’re scared to fight.”

    (Girl #2 punches the customer in the face again, only to be sent flying about five feet from a single palm thrust to the stomach from the man. The two girls end up calling the police to report the customer for attacking them. Unfortunately for them, our store cameras are quite good, and pick up the entire preceding conversation and their initial assault. The police officer even offers to arrest the girls for attacking the customer. Luckily for them, he decides it is too much trouble dealing with them.)

    Scaring Is Caring

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (A young mom with a five- or six-year-old girl approach my register.)

    Me: “How are you today?”

    Mom: “I’m fine, thanks.”

    Girl: “I’m scared!”

    Me: *to girl* “What are you scared of?”

    Girl: “You!”

    Me: “Me?”

    (Her mom and I look at each other, giggling a bit.)

    Me: “Would I be less scary if I gave you a sticker?”

    Girl: “No.”

    Me: “Would you like a sticker anyway?”

    Girl: “Okay.”

    (I finish up the transaction, and they walk towards the exit.)

    Me: “Thanks! Bye, scaredy-cat!”

    Girl: “Bye, strange lady!”

    (She was so cute; I’m still giggling.)

    Cougar Town

    | Plattsburg, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a small town gas station where you can pump your fuel before you pay. A little old lady—who is probably in her 80s—comes in to pay for fuel.)

    Old Lady: “I guess you want my money, right?”

    Me: *smiling* “I’d hate to call the cops on you.”

    Old Lady: “But it would spice up my day!”

    Coworker: “You should let them pursue you!”

    Old Lady: “Are there any cute ones on duty?”

    Me: “Sherman?”

    Coworker: “Eh. But he looks about 12.”

    Old Lady: “But you find them young to raise them how you want!”

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