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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Free Lager For Free Labor

    | UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I’ve just fixed a customer’s laptop which had an issue outputting to a monitor. I decide not to charge him, as the problem is minor and the fix didn’t take very long.)

    Customer: “Thanks a lot for that. I appreciate it. Wait here a sec.”

    (The customer leaves the store and I continue serving customers. Half an hour later, he returns.)

    Customer: “Here you go, mate. Hope you drink lager!”

    (He puts a case of beer down on my counter and begins walking out.)

    Me: “Whaa… are you serious? What’s this for?”

    Customer: “For fixing my laptop!”

    Me: “I… I really appreciate it, but you didn’t need to—”

    Customer: “You fixed my problem quickly and with a smile. I’m not the best with technology but you were very patient with me, which is more than I can say about the staff over at [Competitor]. So enjoy that, and I’ll definitely be shopping here again!”

    (That guy made my shift!)

    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 5

    | USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I’m a pharmacist, and one day at work, a young woman comes up to the counter to pick up a script. I notice she is wearing one of those insertable birth control rings around her wrist.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you know that’s not how those work, right?”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “Your birth control ring. Those are meant to be worn… you know… internally.”

    Customer: “Oh, shoot, really? I… I didn’t know that. Excuse me.”

    (She walks away and returns with a pregnancy test, clearly worried and very embarrassed.)

    Customer: “I guess I’ll be needing this, too.”

    Related:
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 4
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 3
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 2
    Cause For Pregnant Pause

    Not Part Of The 99 Per Cent

    | Glendale, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I’m currently working the front checkout and a man walks up to purchase his items, I scan all the items and bag them.)

    Me: “That will be $19.86.”

    Customer: “That’s way too much. You must have scanned it wrong.”

    Me: “No, everything is there.”

    (I then show him the screen so he can see.)

    Customer: “That can’t be right. If that is $5.00, and that is $3.00—”

    Me: “But it isn’t. They are $5.99 and $3.99—”

    Customer: “Hold on! Let me show you.”

    (The customer gets a pen and paper from my checkout and starts adding it up.)

    Customer: “See, $5.00 plus $3.00 plus $7.00 equals $15.00. It’s showing up wrong.”

    Me: “But it is $5.99, $3.99 and $7.99. It makes a difference.”

    (By now, several other customers are waiting, so I pull out a calculator to show him.)

    Me: “$5.99 plus $3.99 plus $7.99 plus sales tax comes out to $19.86.”

    Customer: “Well, you NEVER mentioned SALES TAX!”

    (The customer pays for the items and leaves. I begin helping the next customer in line.)

    Next Customer: “Well, that was dumb.”

    The Difference Between Father And Son

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer comes into my video game store with his teenage son in tow.)

    Customer: “Hi, I bought this game yesterday. The guy who was here said that if I changed my mind, I could come back and exchange it for another game.”

    (I notice the game has not only been opened but actually played.)

    Me: “Okay, but you played this game.”

    Customer: “Yeah, so?”

    Me: “Well, usually exchanges are when the game hasn’t been played.”

    Customer: “Well, the guy yesterday didn’t say anything about that! I want to talk to the manager. He said I could just exchange it if we didn’t like it! I just want the other game.”

    Me: “Fine, just pick out the other game you wanted.”

    (The customer goes to shelf, pulls out the other game, and brings it back. I notice the game he’s returning is $15, while the other game is $20. I ring up the difference.)

    Me: “That will be $5.35, please.”

    Customer: “What? Why?”

    Me: “$5.35 is the difference plus tax between the two games. The game you bought yesterday is $15, while this game is $20. The difference is $5 plus tax.”

    Customer: “No! The guy yesterday didn’t say anything about paying MORE for exchanging the game!”

    (As the customer says this, his son looks down uncomfortably.)

    Me: “You can’t exchange a $15 item for a $20 item without paying the difference.”

    Customer: “I’m not paying extra! He said I could exchange this one for the other one! He didn’t say anything about paying more.”

    Me: “Sir, you can pay the $5 plus tax difference and take the new game, or you may keep the game you have already bought and played. Or, I can call mall security, and have you removed.”

    Customer: *hands over the cash and departs*

    Customer’s Son: “Sorry!”

    A Sudden Stamp Of Recognition

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a copy shop/shipping store. It has a modern all-glass front with two entrances. Currently, I am currently the only one on shift. A customer comes in.)

    Customer: “Hi, do you sell stamps?”

    Me: “No, sorry, we don’t sell postage. [Store across the street] has stamps, though, at every register, and they’re just down the stairs at the end of the parking lot.”

    Customer: “Oh, all right. Thank you!”

    (The customer leaves, but I watch her walk 10 feet to our other entrance, and enter our store again.)

    Customer: “Hi, do you sell stamps?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, ma’am, we do not. However, if you go over to—”

    Customer: “See, that’s what the other girl said, and she told me to come over to this location!”

    Me: “Ma’am—”

    Customer: “You young people need to learn to be clear when you’re giving directions!”

    (As she says this, she looks around and the lightbulb goes off.)

    Customer: “I’m in the same store, aren’t I?”

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