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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 3

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    (The store is small and only has four cash registers. Three are open, and I am at the fourth doing a return for a customer, Customer #1.)

    Me: “…and here’s your change. Sorry that the bread was bad.”

    Customer #1: “No worries, these things happen.”

    (Suddenly, another customer, Customer #2, with a full cart appears and starts unloading onto the till conveyer belt. Note that my light is off and there’s a ‘Closed’ sign on the belt.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry sir, but my till is closed.”

    Customer #2: “Too f***ing bad.”

    Me: “…Beg pardon?”

    Customer #2: “Just put me the f*** through so I can go home!”

    (I look at the other tills. All are open, with no other customers at any of them.)

    Me: “I’m not actually a cashier; I’m just the closing manager. I have other things to do, so I really do need you to go to another till.”

    Customer #2: *still unloading* “Listen, you little s***! I’ll f***ing choose the godd*** till I f***ing want!”

    (I’m totally speechless at Customer #2′s behavior, but thankfully Customer #1 intervenes.)

    Customer #1: “Excuse me, but what the h*** is your problem? He’s given you a good reason why he can’t put you through this till, and you’re blatantly ignoring it while being incredibly rude.”

    Customer #2: “All those other tills are too far away!”

    Me: “The next till is three feet over…”

    (Thankfully, in the end he did move.)

    Related:
    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 2
    Lack of Register Does Not Register

    He Has Beef With The Cheese, Part 2

    | NV, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a cheeseburger with no cheese, and some fries.”

    Me: “Okay, so you’d like a hamburger combo with fries. That’ll be $7.4—”

    Customer: “No, no, I don’t want a hamburger. I want a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

    Me: “So… a hamburger.”

    Customer: “NO! I don’t want a hamburger. I want a cheeseburger minus cheese!”

    (Note: cheeseburgers, whether I enter in “no cheese” or not, are always a dollar more than hamburgers.)

    Me: “So, you want to pay a dollar extra for a cheeseburger, but you want no cheese?”

    Customer: “YES! Is that so hard?”

    Me: “No, sir. So, a cheeseburger with no cheese, and fries. Your total is $8.54.”

    Customer: *satisfied, hands me a $10* “Much better!”

    Related:
    He Has Beef With The Cheese

    A Burger, A Side Of Obnoxiousness, Hold The Manners

    , | Germany | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I am ordering inside at a fast food restaurant. There aren’t many people inside but several cars lined up outside at the drive in and most burgers are sold out.)

    Me: “I’ll have a [burger].”

    Cashier #1: “Alright, but I fear you’ll have to wait a bit. Those are out right now, and several other customers are waiting for one as well.”

    Me: “That’s not a problem; I’ll just wait here.”

    (I’ve waited for several minutes with my cashier constantly apologizing to me about it taking so long, when another customer stomps in and goes to the next register.)

    Cashier #2: “Welcome, sir, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a [same burger as me] and some fries.”

    Cashier #2: “Yes, sir, I apologize in advance, but the burgers are out at the moment and you’ll need to wait a bit.”

    Customer: “Hmph! You’d better hurry up. I’m paying good money for this.”

    (After about two minutes of waiting, the customer starts to curse at the cashiers about being idiots and not working at all. This goes on for several more minutes until the first burger is done and my cashier starts to pack it up for me.)

    Customer: “Oi, that’s my burger! Give it to me now!”

    Cashier #1: “I’m terribly sorry, sir, but this lady here came in first and therefore it’s hers.”

    Customer: “Stop talking nonsense! Give it to me!”

    Cashier #2: “No, sir, that’s not your burger. We will give it to her.”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting for ages now. I demand you to give me my burger. NOW!”

    Cashier #1: “But sir it’s—”

    Me: “Ah, just give the burger to him. This poor bloke is probably starving since he lost all his manners already.”

    Cashier #1: “Are you sure about this?”

    Me: “Yep, absolutely. After waiting this long, a few more minutes won’t make it any worse.”

    (The cashier gives the burger to the customer, who immediately retorts…)

    Customer: “Why didn’t you give it to me faster, you idiots?!”

    (I’ve had enough of the customer’s sour attitude and speak up.)

    Me: “For one, because that actually was MY order and I was kind enough to have it. For another, in case you didn’t notice, there is a large line of cars outside waiting and the poor guy in the kitchen is all alone. So stop being an a** and go eat your food which you needed so desperately!”

    Customer: *storms out*

    Cashier #1: “I’m really sorry that you have wait even longer because of him now.”

    Me: “It’s alright. I don’t have anything to do anyway.”

    (After another two minutes, Cashiers #1 and #2 pack my order and add an extra burger.)

    Cashiers #1 & #2: “There you go. A little thank you from all of us!”

    Laptop Flop, Part 5

    | Finland | At The Checkout, Geeks Rule, Money, Technology

    (A customer walks in with a cheap supermarket-branded laptop. She insists it’s only a tiny problem, but it turns out to be a malware-ridden horror show with no anti-virus software installed at all. I spend over 30 minutes cleaning it up with the customer standing behind my back. I recommend installing an anti-virus package, which the customer refuses. She then picks up her machine, and tries to walk out.)

    Me: “Excuse me, aren’t you forgetting something?”

    Customer: “…Huh?”

    Me: “The service fee is 45 euros.”

    Customer: “Oh, come on! The computer was already expensive, and now this?!”

    Me: “I guess we couldn’t go on for long if we worked for free.”

    Customer: “But this is what you nerds do on your free time anyway!”

    Related:
    Laptop Flop, Part 4
    Laptop Flop, Part 3
    Laptop Flop, Part 2
    Laptop Flop

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 7

    | Derby, England, UK | At The Checkout, Technology, Underaged

    (I have recently started working part time at a locally-run video game store while I’m studying Law at the college. We have just gone over Statutory Instruments in class. A customer who looks about 14 walks in, picks up a copy of GTA 5, and walks to the counter.)

    Customer: “Just this game, mate.”

    Me: “Thats £40. Can I see some ID, please?”

    Customer: “You can just let it slide, right? I mean, what’s the worst that could happen to you? I’m clearly 18 and just forgot my ID.”

    Me: “Actually, selling age restricted goods to a minor is a statutory offence under the Children and Young Persons Act 1933 where the owners of this shop would be liable for prosecution. All that needs to be proved is that you bought the game and we are liable. I would lose my job and this place would more than likely shut down, so that’s the ‘worst that could happen.’”

    Customer: “…So, is that a no?”

    Me: “A large no.”

    Customer: *runs out the door*

    Manager: *to me* “I’m glad we chose you over the other guy!”

    Related:
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 6
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 5
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
    Grand Theft Innocence

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