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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Handled The Change Well

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a local theater in the box office. I pride myself on quick service and being polite. I see some guys watching the line and specifically picking me to get their tickets.)

    Customer #1: “Hi! Can I get two tickets to see [Movie] please?”

    Me: “Certainly!”

    (I ring in their movie choices and show their total, reading it off to them.)

    Customer #1: “Perfect! Here.”

    (Customer #1 then hands me a roll of electrical tape. I look at him and then unroll it and realize that he has taped exact change for two tickets in quarters, dimes, and nickels. Flabbergasted, I give him a look to see if he’s attempting to play me.)

    Me: “Sir, I don’t mean to be rude, but do you realize the amount of work this requires for me?”

    Customer #2: “But you have to accept it, right? Can’t you just count it out? I mean, it’s exactly how much our tickets are.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. I can count it up. But in order to process this order and put it in my till, I’ll need to take each coin off the strip of tape, count them, and then put them in the till.”

    Customer #1: “But… then we’ll be late for the movie!”

    (I’m still not convinced that they aren’t attempting to play me. I count out almost 20 dollars of exact change, putting it into stacks on the counter. Then I do a quick count to make sure I didn’t miss any coins.)

    Me: “Alright, sir. Everything seems to be in order. Here are your tickets.”

    Customer #2: “I’d like to file a complaint with your manager! That was one of the longest transactions I’ve ever experienced at this theater.”

    (A manager actually works the box at all times. My manager has seen my dilemma and had given me a sympathetic shrug as I counted, and apparently has heard the customer complain.)

    Manager: “I’d like you to have a look at this sign.”

    (My manager points to the sign behind the counter that informs customers of our right to refuse service.)

    Manager: “At any point [My Name] could’ve chosen not to admit you into this theater. I think that he didn’t makes up for the fact that you are going to miss the first few previews from your movie.”

    (Customer #2 glares at me. Suddenly, Customer #1, who has been silent since handing me his quarters, grabs his friend by the ear and drags him into the theater before Customer #2 can speak again.)

    Crazy Golf

    | WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (To pay for university costs, I work for a small, government run golf course as a cashier. A customer in his forties enters the store.)

    Me: “Hi. Welcome to [Golf Course]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I’d like to play nine holes on the course with buggy hire. Thanks.”

    Me: “Alright. Your total comes to $30. Will you be paying in cash or by card?”

    Customer: “Actually, I was hoping I could give you this instead?”

    (The customer slides a bottle of unmarked, white liquid across the table and looks at me grinning.)

    Me: “Uh… sir. I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: “Oh, I make my own perfume in my bathtub! How about this bottle for my course fees?”

    Me: “Sir, I must insist that you pay with currency. Perfume is not legal tender and I not be able to balance my till otherwise.”

    (The customer takes the bottle back hastily, looking as if I’d just insulted his mother.)

    Customer: “You don’t want my perfume? What kind of golf course is this!?”

    Certified Or Certifiable?

    | Pasadena, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (A few weeks ago I accidentally stabbed myself in the hand, between my thumb and index finger. Though it has healed, I have a scar, and it still hurts quite a bit if I hit it on anything. A customer has purchased a battery operated device. Store policy is to put batteries in it to make sure it works before they leave. I go to put batteries in but the cap slips out of my hand and manages to hit my scar.)

    Me: “Ouch!”

    Customer: “What happened?”

    Me: “Oh, sorry. The cap hit the scar on my hand.”

    Customer: “How’d you get it?”

    Me: “Oh, I was at my other job, when I accidentally stabbed my hand. It healed pretty quickly with no infection. So, it’s all better now.”

    Customer: “Why would you do that?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Why would you stab yourself?”

    Me: *joking* “Well, it just seemed like such a good idea at the time.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t do that! You should see someone about your issues right away!”

    Me: “Um, it was an accident. I didn’t do it on purpose.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t lie to cover up your problems. Here take my card. I’m certified for these kinds of things.”

    Me: “No, thank you. It really was an accident. I was just joking earlier.”

    Customer: “Nonsense! I demand that we set up an appointment. I’m going to help you. I’m certified for these kinds of things.”

    Me: *sigh* “….so you said.”

    Customer: “Good. Now, how does meeting me at [address] at 2 pm tomorrow sound?”

    (I am defeated, and am just trying to get this customer out of my store.)

    Me: “Sure, sounds just fine.”

    Customer: “Okay! See you then. And don’t worry, we will help you with your issues. Just don’t do anything too bad before we meet again!”

    (The customer walks off smiling. I never went to that meeting, although I did give my boss a heads up if a crazy woman came asking for me.)

    Stupidity Is Its Own Reward, Part 3

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer comes up to my till. I start ringing her up)

    Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us?”

    Customer: “Do you sell our information?”

    Me: “No. We just use the rewards card to give you coupons every time you spend a certain amount of money with us.”

    Customer: “Oh, well. I don’t need that, if that’s all it’s for.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Related:
    Stupidity Is Its Own Reward, Part 2
    Stupidity Is Its Own Reward

    Gift Card For The Gifted

    | Syracuse, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (At the end of each transaction, I have to circle a survey on the receipt that the customer can enter to win a $500 gift card. Three teenage boys have come in and are buying a sweatshirt.)

    Me: Here at the bottom of your receipt, we have a little survey. If you can take a minute to fill it out for us, you can be entered in a drawing to win a $500 gift card!”

    Teenage Boy #1: “$500 to here?! I can buy so many clothes! I can buy so many pairs of yoga pants! My a** will look fantastic!”

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