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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Putting The Day Into A High Note

    , | OR, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem

    (I am working the drive-thru at a fast food restaurant, and we have been having a rough night. It has been non-stop busy, and several customers have been very rude. A car pulls up, and I greet them.)

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Customer: *singing in mock-opera style* “Just a momeeeennnt!”

    (Laughter erupts from the backseat, as a coworker and I exchange a look, stifling laughter.)

    Me: “Just let me know when you’re ready!”

    Customer: *still singing* “Can I get twwooooo large chocolate shaaaakes!?”

    (My headset is off, because I am laughing loudly as I enter their order.)

    Customer: “And one laaarge strawberry shaaaake?”

    Me: “Okay, I will have your total at the second window!”

    (They get to the window, and it’s a woman and two young girls in the back, all of them with big grins, and giggling.)

    Me: “That was absolutely fantastic! My coworker and I couldn’t stop laughing!”

    Customer: “Did we make your night?”

    Me: “Oh, yes!”

    (After the customer leaves, we spend another 10 minutes just laughing until our sides hurt. Thank you so much for the laugh! It’s people like you who make it all worth it!)

    A Negative Reaction To The Lotion

    | NB, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I work in the beauty department.)

    Me: “Good afternoon! Is there anything I can help you find today?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m here to return something.”

    Me: “That’s a shame. May I ask why you’re returning it?”

    Customer: “Well I just didn’t like it.”

    (There are only two ways we can return a product: if it’s defective, or if they have an allergic reaction.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry you didn’t like the product. However, I am unable to return it at the time. Can I ask you how much did you use?”

    (The customer hands me over the product and glares at me. I open the product to find that the entire thing has been used.)

    Me: “Ma’am, the bottle is empty.”

    Customer: “Well of course it is! I had to use it to find out if I liked it!”

    Me: “You can’t return this product, as there is nothing there to return. It’s like bringing in a shoe box with no shoes in it!”

    Customer: “Well, that just does not make any sense! You people should return this! I didn’t like it! This company is worthless!” *stomps off*

    And The Children Shall Lead

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

    (I am cleaning off my register, when I hear two customers arguing in my line.)

    Customer #1: “I was here first!”

    Customer #2: “No, I was!”

    Customer #1: “I WAS! I was here literally five seconds before you, b****! It’s my turn!”

    (Customer #2 rams her cart into Customer #1′s and gets ahead.)

    Customer #2: “I win!”

    (Customer #1 flips her off and goes to the next lane. I’m not really sure what to do, so I just start ringing up her groceries.)

    Me: “And how are you today?”

    Customer #2: “Oh, just fine! Can you believe the childish things people will do just to get ahead in line? I mean really!”

    A Real Woman Versus Half A Man

    | Waterbury, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Health & Body, Top

    (I am in line to purchase books. The cashier is a teenage girl who has somewhat obvious dark upper-lip hair. The customer she is currently serving speaks up.)

    Customer: “Is there anyone else who can scan my books?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but the only cashiers we have today are my colleague and myself.”

    Customer: “Your manager, then.”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry; she’s covering in the café right now. They’re very busy as you can see.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not having some hairy bimbo with a moustache touching my books!”

    (The cashier looks like she’s about to cry. Having heard his last comment, I look up from reading the back of one of my books.)

    Me: “Sir, there’s no need to be rude. She’s just doing her job, and you berating her isn’t helping.”

    Customer: “No one asked you!”

    Me: “No, but you just happened to have p***** off the wrong person. Do you have a smart phone?”

    Customer: “Pssh, who doesn’t?”

    Me: “Do me a favor and google ‘polycystic ovarian syndrome.’”

    Customer: “That isn’t real.”

    Me: “Google it.”

    (The male customer takes out his phone and starts searching the internet. By this point, nearly everyone is watching the exchange, and a few people have run for the manager.)

    Customer: “It’s some woman thing.”

    Me: “It’s a disease caused by an imbalance between the estrogen and testosterone in a woman’s body. It messes with her whole reproductive system, and the increased testosterone can cause excess oil production, a slightly deeper voice, increased body hair and the possibility of a visible Adam’s Apple. Oh yeah, and in extreme cases, it can cause a woman’s body to be more boyishly shaped.”

    Customer: “The h***! How would you know?! This s*** makes girls look like Bigfoot!”

    (I point to the surplus of blonde hair on my arms, my somewhat broad shoulders, the marks of waxing on my neck, and the very slight Adam’s Apple.)

    Me: “You happen to be talking to someone who has known she’s had the disease for the last 10 years. My case is on the line of moderate to severe. It’s treatable, but the only options out there have already nearly killed me once, so I just wax and the rest of me is what it is. Regardless of whether this poor girl has it or not, you shouldn’t just judge people because of a little hair.”

    Customer: “So, you’re really a man.”

    Me: “No, I’m all woman, but a woman willing to kick your a** if you don’t apologize to this girl.”

    (The customer turns around and sees that not only is the cashier crying, but the manager and security have appeared.)

    Me: “Miss, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve been in your shoes. I got made fun of all through high school.”

    (Security takes the guy and disappears. I walk up to the counter and put my books down.)

    Me: “I know it was presumptuous of me to throw ‘PCOS’ out there, but the look on your face when he made his comment looked all too familiar. My apologies.”

    Cashier: “I was just diagnosed with it a few weeks ago; it hasn’t sunk in yet. I got my first paycheck from here today and was going to get my lip waxed after work. How did you know?”

    Me: “Pretty much the comment he made about your lip. You know, aside from that, I can’t tell at all.”

    Cashier: “Really?”

    Me: “Really. You are a very lovely girl. There are support groups and such online where you can talk to other women and girls. You’re not alone.”

    (The cashier starts crying again, so the manager sends her on her break, and gives me an extra discount on top of my member card to thank me!)

    Political (Weather) Front

    | The Netherlands | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Politics

    (A customer has just bought a paper, and since it’s a quiet day, I make some small talk with him. It is currently very bad weather for the time of the year. It’s cold and very windy.)

    Me: “So, did you make it through the storm?”

    Customer: “Well, I survived, but it’s so cold!”

    Me: “Yeah, I—”

    Customer: “I think it’s a conspiracy from the European Union.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, how?”

    Customer: “The EU is making the weather extra cold, so we use more gas for the heater, and we have higher gas bills.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sure the EU doesn’t have the technology to control the weather.”

    Customer: “You never know with the EU!”

    Me: “But controlling the weather—”

    Customer: “You know how they are! For example, now with all the fuss about Cyprus. All they did was spend the same amount of money as Germany, but Germany is fine, and Cyprus is in a crisis!”

    Me: “But Germany is a lot bigger than Cyprus.”

    Customer: “Yeah, they sure are!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”


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