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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Food For Reading Your Thought

    | San Bernardino, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (My brother and I work at the same store and always order the same lunch at the fast food place in the parking lot. There is another guy that also orders the same lunch every day. The three of us get in line one after the other.)

    Cashier: “$4.79″

    (Customer #1 pays, gets number.)

    Cashier: “$4.79″

    (Brother pays, and gets number.)

    Cashier: “$4.79″

    (I pay, and get my number.)

    Cashier: *to next person in line* “Welcome to [Fast Food Place]. May I take your order?”

    (Customer #2 stares at the cashier intently.)

    Cashier: “Sir? May I take your order?”

    (Customer #2 stares harder and cocks his head to the side.)

    Cashier: “Sir?”

    Customer #2: “You don’t know yet?”

    Cashier: “What?”

    Customer #2: “I mean, you’re psychic, right?”

    Cashier: “Oh! No, they just always have the same thing.”

    Customer #2: “Good! I wouldn’t want people reading my mind! Um, I’ll have the number three combo.”

    This Stuff Shouldn’t Phase(r) You Any More

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (In our store we order our products by scanning the shelf labels with a device that shoots a laser to read the barcode. I’m in the refrigerated juice section of the store and have just scanned a label when a middle-aged customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. Did you just do what I think you did?”

    Me: “I’m just ordering something.”

    Customer: *wide-eyed* “Did you just taser that orange juice?”

    (I look at the scanner in my hand.)

    Me: “Um, if you mean I scanned it, then, I guess so.”

    Customer: “Well, it looks like it’s not moving so it must have worked. Great job!”

    (After the customer happily wanders away my coworker, who saw the whole thing, comes up to me)

    Coworker: “Maybe you should set it to ‘stun’ next time.”

    A Close Shave With Stupidity

    | USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I would like four half pound packages of bologna. I want three regular, and one THICK. I would also like a half pound of turkey and a fourth of a pound of roast beef SHAVED.”

    Me: *repeats order*

    Customer: “Thi-CK.”

    Me: “Yes. thick.”

    Customer: “Very well, then. I’m going to go shop around and come back.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I cut the order and the customer comes back.)

    Me: “Your order is all set, ma’am.”

    Customer: *examines it suspiciously* “This doesn’t look shaved.”

    Me: “Would you like me to open the deli bag so you can take a look at it?”

    Customer: *threatening* “I just may.”

    (Pause.)

    Me: “Would you like me to open the deli bag, ma’am?”

    (There was another pause before the customer walked away with her deli order clutched tight. Customers often assumed cutting meat shaved is an exponential force multiplier leading to grand heaps of deli meat despite having only ‘cleverly’ ordered an infinitesimal amount of actual meat.)

    Like Their Coffee (Burnt) Black

    | Franklin Park, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (The property owner has come in to report that there is smoke coming from the roof of the shopping center, though not directly above our store. A few customers overhear.)

    Customer #1: “So, uh, what should we do?”

    Customer #2: “Yeah, can we still order drinks?”

    Me: “Um… well, I guess so, since we haven’t gotten an official order to evacuate.”

    (Despite the commotion, no one in the café has budged. I am in the middle of making the last customer’s drinks when the store manager comes in.)

    Manager: “Ladies, gentlemen, there is a fire in one of the electrical units on top of the building so we are evacuating. Anyone parked directly in front of the building will need to move their cars.”

    (Most people get up to leave, but a few just look around, confused.)

    Customer #3: “Can we leave our things here?”

    Manager: “No. Take all of your things. The store is closing and I have no idea when we will be able to reopen.”

    Customer #2: “Well what should I do?!”

    Manager: “You have to leave. We’ve been given official orders to get everyone out.”

    Customer #2: “But I’ve already paid for those! I don’t have my drinks yet!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I will finish making these drinks, but I am leaving directly after and you will need to do the same.”

    (Even as fire trucks begin to arrive and people file out, a few people wander in.)

    Customer #4: “Are you still open?”

    Me: “No! We are evacuating the building, there is an electrical fire on the roof!”

    (They leave, obviously displeased. I hand off the drinks I was working on and run out. Amazingly, many of the people who were in our cafe are standing around, a few asking if we think we’ll reopen soon. Luckily, the fire was quickly put out, no one was hurt, and the damage was mostly cosmetic. The next day, the same woman who wouldn’t leave without her drinks comes in.)

    Customer #2: “I was here when we had to evacuate yesterday! Was everyone all right?”

    Me: “Yes, everyone is fine. They got the fire put out pretty quickly and none of the stores have major damage.”

    Customer #2: “Well I’m just glad to hear no one was hurt. You guys are more important than coffee.” *walks away*

    (A coworker, who hadn’t been working during the evacuation, looks touched.)

    Coworker: “That was so nice! What a sweet thing to say.”

    Me: “Yeah… just wish she had felt that way yesterday when she wouldn’t let me leave until her lattes were finished.”

    Coworker: “…oh.”

    The Oregon Fail, Part 2

    | Spokane, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Canada, Geography

    (I’m working at a national retail electronics store. We’re required to attempt to collect demographic data in the form of a ZIP code, unless the customer is from another country.)

    Me: “That will be [total]. May I have your ZIP code?”

    Customer: “I’m from Ontario. ”

    Me: “Ontario….?”

    Customer: “Oh, my god! You Americans are so ignorant about any other country! You should know it’s in Canada! Honestly!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is an Ontario, Oregon and an Ontario, California in the US that I know of. Since you’re from Canada, I don’t need your information. Have a nice day.”

    (The customer’s face turned red, and they left immediately.)

    Related:
    From NotAlwaysRelated:
    The Oregon Fail


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