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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Total Recall

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

    (Whenever a customer hands me actual cash, I always recount it and repeat the sum back to them to ensure they have given me the right amount, The customer is in a rush and not listening to me.)

    Me: “With your coupons, your total is $12.34.”

    (The customer hands me $21 and some change while looking at the display.)

    Me: “Out of $21.46?”

    (She ignores me so I enter the amount into the computer, take out her change and close the drawer.)

    Me: “Your change is $9.12. Would you like your receipt with you or in the bag?”

    Customer: “What? I didn’t want change back! That’s why I gave you exact change! I should be getting $5 back!”

    Me: “No, Ma’am. I told you the total was $12.34 after your discounts and repeated how much you gave me back to you.”

    Customer: “But the display says $16.46! Give me the right change back; I’m trying to lighten my purse and I don’t want coins!”

    Me: “That was before the discounts. The display shows the amount due after discounts on this side of the display.” *I reach over the monitor to point*

    Customer: “Open the register back up and get me the correct change! NOW!”

    Me: “The register will only open for a cash transaction.”

    (The lady continues to yell at me, disregarding her own stupidity until another customer eventually pushes in front of her while giving her a dirty look.)

    Next Customer: “She told you the correct total and you didn’t bother paying attention.”

    Reached Rock-Bottom Dollar, Part 2

    | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (My store closes at 9:00 pm and I am the last register open on a Friday night. A couple came through my line around 8:45 with a cart full of groceries. I ring them up and finish around 8:55.)

    Me: *cheerily* “That’ll be $87.95.”

    Woman: “Oh, I have coupons!”

    (She proceeds to take out a handful of coupons and hands them to me hastily. I scan them in.)

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $79.45.”

    Woman: “Um, you didn’t scan them all in.”

    Me: “Yes, I did, ma’am. One of them is expired so I can’t use it but the rest I scanned.”

    Woman: “But you’re missing one. I gave you ten coupons and there are only eight there.”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. You actually only gave me nine.”

    Woman: “Well, I had ten; it was for a dollar off so just ring it in.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, miss. I can’t put the coupon in unless you have it with you. I need it so my drawer won’t be off.”

    Woman: *screams* “This is completely ridiculous!! I had ten coupons so give me my other coupon!”

    Husband: “Just give it to her. It’s fine.”

    Me: “No, it’s not. I’m not allowed to give you the coupon unless you have it. Sorry, it’s my job.”

    (At this point the woman’s eyes looked like they were about to bug out of her head as she threw the cash on the register.)

    Woman: “Just give me my change.”

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Your change is $19.55, have a great night.”

    Woman: *huffs, grabs her cart, and sprints out of the store, husband trailing behind*

    (My manager walks over and just stares after them. It is 9:15 pm at this point.)

    Manager: “If anyone like that b**** bothers you again let me know so I can take care of them. People are f****** awful.”

    Related:
    Reached Rock-Bottom Dollar

    Coupons Can Be Taxing

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Theme Of The Month

    (I manage a fast food/coffee shop. A customer presents a coupon for $1.99 coffee. I make her drink and I ring it up.)

    Me: “That’s going to be $2.11.”

    Customer: “That’s with the coupon?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “But it’s supposed to be $1.99.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. $1.99 plus tax.”

    Customer: “But why is it $2.11? That seems like too much.”

    Me: “Well its $1.99 plus 12 cents tax which comes to $2.11.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense! It should be $1.99!”

    (This goes on for a couple minutes and my boss is next to me counting money.)

    Customer: *to my boss* “You understand what I’m saying right?”

    Boss: “I’m not sure I do. The drink is $1.99 plus tax and the tax is 12 cents so the total should be $2.11.”

    (The customer stops and thinks for a second and then, looking quite embarrassed turns to me.)

    Customer: “OH, MY GOSH I’m so sorry! I really need this coffee!”

    In Line And Out Of Line, Part 6

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    ( am around five and I am at the grocery store with my dad. We are waiting in line and it is long because only a few registers are open. When we are next to be rung up a business lady defiantly walks in front of me and my dad and proceeds to unload her cart.)

    Me: “Hey, dad, that lady just budged us!”

    (To this my dad replied loudly enough for everyone around us to hear:)

    Dad: “Well, [My Name], it’s all right for her to do that because she is important. Far more important than we are. In fact, she probably works for the government and she has to cut in front of us because they need her to help save the world. So, don’t get angry that she walked in front of us like we didn’t exist because she’s way too important to the country to wait in line like a normal person. In fact, she probably doesn’t wait in line anywhere because lives could be lost if she doesn’t get her milk and eggs three minutes sooner.”

    (At this point the cashier has stopped ring her items up and everyone around us was watching. The woman turned to us, a mixture of annoyed and embarrassed.)

    Woman: “I, uh… You can go in front of me if you’d like…”

    (My dad holds up his hand.)

    Dad: “I would never, ma’am. Your time is far too important for us mere peasants to waste. You go off and keep protecting our country.”

    (She was completely red as she finished her purchase and walked out quickly.)

    Related:
    In Line And Out Of Line, Part 5
    In Line And Out Of Line, Part 4
    In Line And Out Of Line, Part 3

    Differing Degrees Of Snobbery

    | Memphis, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, School

    (I’m a cashier at a small, high-end grocery store. One day, towards the end of my shift, a middle aged man and a girl, around 11 or 12, walk up. Note that I appear around five years younger than I actually am and took the cashier job out of necessity.)

    Me: “That’ll be $25.62, sir.”

    Customer: *ignoring the other customers waiting behind him* “Are you in school?”

    Me: “I… excuse me?”

    Customer: “Are. You. In. School?”

    Me: “Well, no, I already—”

    Customer: *talking to the girl* “See, this is why you gotta study hard! I don’t want you working some crap job because you didn’t go to college.”

    Me: “Um, sir? That’ll be $25.62.”

    Customer: *slams $30 into my hand*

    (I get his change and hand it to him along with his receipt. As the next person in line starts putting their items onto the counter, he stands in place and starts counting his change.)

    Customer: “You shorted me.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. How much did I give you?”

    Customer: “This is why you have to work a crap job like this! Because you can’t even count right!”

    Me: “Sir, I need to see how much I gave you so I can give you the right amount.”

    Customer: “You gave me $4.38.”

    Me: “…that’s right. It should be on your receipt.”

    Customer: “No, I need a five.”

    (I print out another copy of his receipt and show him that his change was correct. He stands there and argues with me, so I call over the manager to talk to him. The conversation takes a while, so when my next customers are done, I stroll over.)

    Manager: “I don’t know how else to tell you… that IS the amount you’re owed.”

    Customer: “No, it’s basic math! Can’t anyone here do basic math?”

    Me: “Here.” *I pull out my phone and show him on its calculator* “It all adds up to $30.”

    Customer: “What do you know?! You didn’t even go to school!”

    Manager: “I thought you went to [Well Known Private College]?”

    Me: “I did. I have a bachelor’s from there.”

    Customer: *stunned* “What? How? You’re a kid.”

    Me: “I’m 25, sir.”

    Customer: “Why didn’t you say so! I guess it’s okay, then.”

    (He and the girl finally exit.)

    Manager: “…that’s the kind of man who gives his credit card number to a prince of Nigeria.”

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