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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Unhappy To Have Nothing To Complain About

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (It is after dark and I am attending to a line of customers as we have had a pretty busy night due to the holidays. An older woman comes up to my register.)

    Me: “How are you today, ma’am?”

    Customer: *is quiet for a few moments before throwing her items onto the table* “Hello.”

    (I begin to scan her items all the while she makes numerous demands of how she would like everything bagged a certain way. I am pleasant and cheerful the entire time as she has caught me in a good mood.)

    Customer: “And see that you pack these together! Oh, and all the food in one bag. And make sure that box isn’t scratched!”

    Me: “Oh course. That’s no problem!”

    (I smile and continue to pack her things. There is a long pause.)

    Customer: *in a sharp and sarcastic tone* “Well, you sure are… chipper and rather fast today.”

    Me: *I smile* “Oh, I try to be! I’ve been here so long this job just comes as second nature.”

    Customer: “Well, see that you stop that! You’re going too fast for me! And stop being so happy!”

    Me: “… I’m sorry?”

    (The woman walks off as I am left stunned.)

    Coworker: “Did you really just get yelled at for being too nice?! Now I’ve seen it all!”

    In Closed Quarters

    | MN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I work as a cashier at a chain of grocery stores. In our lanes, we have these little gates that you can bring down if the lane is closed. There is very little space between the gate and the belt, so customers can’t squeeze their way in. My manager comes over to tell me to go on break, and then puts the gate down as we’re rather busy at the moment and customers don’t often notice that the light is off above our register, showing we’re closed. I have one other customer still in line after we close the gate, so I hurry to finish with her.)

    Me: “And have a nice day, ma’am.”

    (I hear heavy breathing and look at the entrance to my lane after giving the customer her receipt. A man has squeezed himself through the space between the gate and the register!)

    Customer: *still breathing heavily* “Woof, that was hard to get through!”

    (I still don’t know how he got through, considering I weight about 150lbs and I can’t get through the gap without sucking in my stomach, and he had a good 50 or so pounds on me!)

    Trying To Blow Smoke

    | USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I’m running the express lane when a lady approaches my till holding an infant of about a year old. Note: it’s October and around 68° outside.)

    Me: “Hello! What can I do for you?”

    Customer #1: *sets infant on counter * “Yes, I’d like two packs of [Brand] cigars.”

    (I go get the cigars, and as I return and start ringing up her cigars, another customer walks by who also has an infant that is in only shorts, minding their own business.)

    Customer #1: *to Customer #2′s infant* “Oooh, baby, you’re gonna get sick wearing only shorts. It’s, like, zero degrees outside.” *to me* “Some people.”

    (She happily walked away with her cigars and baby.)

    Wants The Number Of The Devil

    | Robeline, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Love/Romance, Religion

    Customer: *leering* “I need $15 worth of [Cell Company] minutes and your phone number, sweetness.”

    Me: *pretending I didn’t hear the last part* “$15 of [Cell Company] minutes. Okay.”

    Customer: *smirking* “And your phone number.”

    Me: *curtly* “Not happening. I have a boyfriend.” *prints the slip* “It’s $15.50.”

    Customer: *pays in exact change* “So, did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”

    Me: *deadpan* “What are you talking about? I clawed my way up from Hell.”

    (He quickly left and hasn’t asked for my number since.)

    Paying Dearly

    | AR, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working my second day as a cashier when an elderly customer walks up with a bundle of bananas and a drink.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, and welcome to [Store]. Would you like me to match the price of these bananas, dear?”

    Customer #1: “No, godd*** it!”

    Me: “Okay. Not a problem. I apologize. Would like to donate anything to [Charity We Support]? ”

    Customer #1: *turns away and mutters something*

    Me: “Was that a yes or…”

    Customer #1: “READ MY LIPS. NO. N.O. CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND SIMPLE ENGLISH, YOU D*** BIMBO?!”

    Me: *all smiles* “I’m so sorry, sir. Not a problem.”

    Customer #1: “I am so f****** tired of your s***, you little b****! The people here are so godd*** stupid. Quite smiling. Your job f****** sucks.”

    (He walks off cursing under his breath.)

    Me: *turning to the next customer* “Hello, dear. How ar—”

    Customer #1: *rushing back* “And don’t call people dear, you little tramp! I’m old enough to be your d*** grandfather and she’s a woman, you f****** lesbian!”

    (At this point, I’m almost in tears because it’s my second day ever and I’ve had nothing but positive responses all day. My current customer speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “Don’t listen to that old b******, honey. You’re doing great and can call me whatever you like. Now, how much can I donate to that charity you were askin’ about?”


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