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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Annoyingly Consistent

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

    (I am sitting on the registers as the main cashier for the day when an older woman marches up to my counter.)

    Me: “Good morning. How are you today?”

    Customer #1: “I don’t have time for this chit chat. I just want to pay for this jar of coffee and go as I am in a hurry.”

    (I scan the item and tell the customer the price of the item.)

    Me: “That’ll be [total price].”

    Customer #1: “Excuse me? How much?”

    Me: “Um, the total for the jar of coffee is [total price].”

    Customer #1: “That is far too much money; I’ll go choose another one.”

    (The customer storms off leaving the original jar of coffee with me. I put it to the side of my register and serve several other customers during the customer’s absence. Another customer unpacks her groceries onto my till and I greet her.)

    Me: “Hello. How are you?”

    Customer #2: “I am good, thank you. How are you?”

    Me: “I am very good, thanks.”

    (Before I could start to scan Customer #2′s items, Customer #1 returns and slams a jar of coffee onto my register completely cutting in front of Customer #2. I notice the jar of coffee she has now selected is identical to her previous one.)

    Customer #1: “I am next! Not this lady! Now, I want this coffee.”

    Customer #2: “I don’t mind. Let her go first.”

    (Customer #1 looks at Customer #2. Her eyes go wide for a moment. I interject.)

    Me: “This is the same brand and size as the coffee you wanted before.”

    Customer #1: “No, it is not. This one is cheaper than the previous one.”

    (I scan the coffee and sure enough it is the same price as the one earlier.)

    Me: “That’ll be [total price].”

    Customer #1: “See? Much better.”

    (After Customer #1 walks out of the shop Customer #2 begins laughing hysterically.)

    Customer #2: “Sorry. I shouldn’t laugh, but she used to be my mother-in-law before my divorce and I am so glad she is annoying to everyone!”

    Comic: The Only Thing She Skipped Was Kwanzaa

    | New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Comics, Extra Stupid, Holidays, Religion

    Wise To The Pennywise

    | Dallas, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money, Top

    (I am a customer waiting in line. There is only one register open, and the woman before me with her five grown children only has five items. The cashier gives the woman her total.)

    Customer: “That’s not right. You didn’t add the coupons.”

    Cashier: “I did, ma’am. They were on [item #1] and [item #2]. The coupons do not apply to already discounted items.”

    Customer: “But it should be less. You’re cheating me out of $1.20!”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, your coupons did apply. You had two of them and they went to the two items not on sale. The other three items were on sale.”

    Customer: “This isn’t fair! You see me with these kids?” *she gestures to her five grown children wandering around the aisle* “I have to feed them tonight! I need that money! You are cheating me!”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, I can go over the receipt with you to show you exactly how the register calculated your total. Or I can return the items if you need the money.”

    Customer: “No! I know I am right!”

    (This goes on for 15 minutes, with the line behind me building. A manager is called up to explain that there was no error, but the customer keeps insisting. The manager tries to get the cashier onto another register to help the line, but the customer is refusing to let anyone leave their spot.)

    Customer: “You’re cheating me out of my money! I should call your head office. You are cheating a poor mother so she can’t feed her kids. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

    Me: *fed up* “Ma’am, if it’s that big of a deal, I’ll give you $1.20 to cover your purchase. In fact, we can start up a collection. Everyone! This poor woman is unable to pay for some of her order, and she needs every penny that she can to feed her kids. Let’s ignore the fact that all of them are holding iPhone 5s and the three young ladies have Coach and Gucci bags that are probably worth more than what any of us make in a month. This woman can’t afford to feed them, and is spending her money on general crafting supplies. Who would like to help me pay for the $1.20 that she can’t cover on her purchase?”

    (The customer starts fuming and stomps off without her items; her wide eyed kids walking behind her in shock. I was called up to the register a moment later.)

    Cashier: “Thank you…”

    Me: “No need. I have dealt with b****es like that for years. I’ve always wanted to do that and not worry about getting fired!”

    Can’t Play That Card With Me

    | LA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

    Customer #1: *not even looking at me* “Turn on pump number four.”

    (The customer starts to walk out but I call after her.)

    Me: *smiling politely* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that. You have to prepay for gas or leave a deposit.”

    Customer #1: *holding out debit card* “I’d like to prepay for $40 in gas, then.”

    Me: *still smiling* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but our system is a bit outdated so I can’t prepay fuel with a debit or credit card. However, if you’d like, you can pay with cash or I can hold your card and—”

    Customer #1: *snottily* “I’m not giving you my card! You’ll steal my information! Just turn the damned pump on! Jesus, you’re f****** stupid! You’re the only person here who won’t turn on the god-d*** pump for me!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, if I’m the only person who won’t turn the pump on for you, then I’m the only cashier here who is doing her job properly. And you can just leave. Now. You have your nasty attitude to thank for that.”

    (She stares at me, seemingly at a loss for words, but she doesn’t leave so I expect her to make a scene as soon as she can speak again. But before she can open her mouth, another customer, who heard the whole exchange, walks up to the counter and speaks to the woman.)

    Customer #2: “I know it’s not any of my business but do you ever go to nice, sit-down restaurants?”

    Customer #1: *scoffs* “Why, of course I do!”

    Customer #2: “So what’s the difference in a waiter or waitress taking your card and walking off with it and you leaving it here with this young lady? Are you trying to say that just because she works at a convenience store that she’s a thief? Or that maybe restaurants have higher standards for employee? Trust me, lady, if that’s your logic, it’s very, very flawed.”

    (The woman opens and closes her mouth several times but obviously can’t come up with a good argument because she turns around and storms out of the store.)

    Customer #2: *smiles* “That felt really good.”

    Cookies Are The Devil

    | IN, USA | At The Checkout, Religion, Top

    (In the sandwich shop where I work, we have a daily special for a different six-inch sub each day. If you order two specials, the total, including tax, will always come out to $6.66. On this day, two elderly ladies come in wearing nun’s wimples and veils.)

    Nun #1: “Hello, dear. I’d like a six-inch [special], please.”

    Nun #2: “Oh, that sounds good! I’ll have the same.”

    (I make the sandwiches and go to the register to ring them up.)

    Me: “Okay, your total comes to $6.66.”

    Nun #1: “Well, I’d say that’s the Lord’s way of telling us to get dessert! We’ll take two cookies, please!”

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