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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Got It White The First Time

    | New Orleans, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I wait tables at a coffee shop that specializes in cafe au lait. We mix the coffee and milk before serving it to the customer. An elderly couple comes in about four times a week.)

    Customer: “Now I want my coffee a little on the light side. A LITTLE light, understand?”

    (She always says this.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    (I fix the coffee with just a little extra milk.)

    Customer: “I said a LITTLE light. This is all milk. Fix me another one.”

    (I fix a second cup, a little darker, and bring it to her table.)

    Customer: “Now this is way too dark. Try to get it right, would you?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    (I fix a third cup, medium colored.)

    Customer: “I don’t understand what’s the matter with you people. I want my coffee a LITTLE light. Bring this back. A little light, you understand?”

    Me: “You got it.”

    (With a big silly smile on my face, I bring her coffee for the fourth time.)

    Customer: “Now THIS is what I wanted! Why can’t you get it right the first time?”

    Me: “Sorry about that, ma’am. I’ll try next time.”

    Customer: “Yes, you do that.”

    (After she had sent back her first coffee, I put the cup on the warmer. I served her that same coffee on attempt number four. The entire wait staff has been doing this for years now.)

    Don’t Do The Crime If You Can’t Tell The Time

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Money

    (My store has a grocery section, including an aisle of wine and beer. Since, in my state, alcohol cannot be sold before noon on Sundays, during that time the aisle is roped off. A customer comes up to my till at 10 on a Sunday, carrying bottles of wine.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I won’t be able to sell these to you before noon.”

    Customer: “What?! Why?”

    Me: “It’s state law. Alcohol can’t be sold before noon on Sundays.”

    Customer: “But I have to have these for a lunch party! It’s starting soon, and I said I’d bring the wine!”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but I can’t sell these now. It’s illegal and my register will reject it if I try to ring it up.”

    Customer: “Don’t you understand? I NEED THESE. I will look like a FOOL if I show up at the party without any wine.”

    Me: “That’s… not really something I’m able to help with. I can’t break the law for that.”

    Customer: “What law? I just want you to sell me wine!”

    Me: “Texas state law forbids the sale of alcohol before noon on a Sunday. If you’d like, you can come back after noon and buy the wine then.”

    Customer: *suddenly calm* “Fine. I’ll come back later and pay for these then.”

    (She then picks up the bottles and starts walking towards the door with them. I call security.)

    Security: “Ma’am, you can’t take those without having paid for them.”

    Customer: “But she won’t let me pay for them!”

    Security: “Alcohol can’t be sold before noon. That doesn’t mean you get to walk out with it.”

    Customer: “But I was going to come back and pay for it later!”

    Bachelor Chow Is The Cat’s Meow

    | Wales, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am the customer in this story. The vet sells cat and dog food in the lobby. Though my mum takes my cat here when he’s ill and to buy food, I have never been to buy food before.)

    Me: *picks up a large bag of cat food and takes it to the desk* “I’ll have this, please!”

    Vet’s Receptionist: “That’ll be £15.00 please.”

    Me: “Okay, great.” *I pay*

    Vet’s Receptionist: “We have to note down sales in this book. Can I have your surname and your cat’s name, please?”

    Me: *without thinking, I look up in surprise and say* “Huh? How did you know I have a cat?!”

    Vet’s Receptionist: “Well… unless you plan on eating that yourself…”

    Not In His Salad Days Anymore

    , | WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Military

    (I am a civilian contractor at a military installation’s dining hall. Unlike some of the comfort facilities at the installation, we don’t have restrictions on who can dine here; as long as they can access the installation, they can eat. It is my turn to tear down the salad bar at the end of dinner. I have taken out all of the utensils and begun to pull the dishes, when an older man in civilian clothing comes up behind me.)

    Customer: “What are you doing with the salad bar?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Did you order a salad?”

    Customer: “No, I just wanted to get a few of these.” *gestures at the fruit mix at the end of the bar*

    Me: “So, you did order a salad bar?”

    Customer: “No, I just wanted to get a few of these.”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “Oh, you mean I have to order a salad bar to get things from the salad bar?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    One Brick Shy Of A Load

    | USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    (I work for a firearm retailer. We put out an ad every month stating our monthly sales. It always states ‘while supplies last.’ A ‘brick’ is 500 rounds of ammo. A well dressed older gentleman walks up to counter.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like to buy a brick of 22.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We sold out earlier today.”

    (The customer pulls out the ad, slams it on the counter and points to the bricks of 22.)

    Customer: “And then what is this?”

    Me: “It’s an ad for 22, but everything is ‘while supplies last.’”

    Customer: “Do you understand the law of ‘false advertising?’”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well, [My Name], you will be hearing from my lawyer!” *smirks and briskly walks away*

    Manager: “Third threat of legal action this month; we’re on a roll.”

    (A lawyer actually called the next day and mentioned me specifically. He stated that he was only calling because his client paid him to ‘look into it.’ Nothing, of course, happened.)

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