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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Walking A Mile With Another Man’s Candy

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am checking out a customer.)

    Me: “Hello! How are you doing today?”

    (The customer just mumbles something. I am scanning his groceries. I am almost finished when he says something to me.)

    Customer: “Grab me a couple of sneakers back there.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

    Customer: “Get me two sneakers from over there!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I do not understand what you are asking for.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid or deaf? A COUPLE D*** SNEAKERS! RIGHT BEHIND YOU! JESUS CHRIST!”

    Me: “Sir, there is no need to take that tone with me, as I am neither deaf or stupid.”

    (The customer is getting furious with me. The next customer behind him in line tries to clarify the misunderstanding.)

    Next Customer: “I think he’s asking for SNICKERS Candy Bars.”

    Me: “Thank you. I’m sorry, sir. I’ll get them for you.”

    Customer: “Never mind! If you’re too f****** stupid to understand what I am asking for, what the h*** are you doing workin’ with customers?!”

    Me: “Sir, I apologized for not understanding you. But you can not and will not talk to me in that foul manner. There are children around. Even if there weren’t, you should never speak to anyone like that. That is completely uncalled for!”

    Customer: “F*** you! Give me my d*** change!”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    (He finally gets his things and leaves. The next customer steps up.)

    Next Customer: “I didn’t understand him at first. I thought he was asking for a d*** pair of shoes!” *laughs*

    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 3

    | Twin Cities, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Politics

    (I am a cashier at a dollar store. Lately, we’ve been collecting school supplies for a charity that donates them to military families. As such, we have to ask customers if they would like to purchase an item for this charity.)

    Me: “Would you also be interested in purchasing an item for [Charity] today?”

    Man: “What is that? Some sort of communist youth organization?”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “Uhm, no, sir. It donates school supplies to military families with children.”

    Man: “Well, same thing right?”

    (I stand there for a few seconds, just silently blinking and staring at him.)

    Me: “…no, sir. Not even close.”

    Related:
    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 2
    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills

    Getting Chesty

    | Wyoming, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Underaged

    (I work in a local chain tobacco store. I am in my 40s. A very young looking man comes in my store with a small child.)

    Customer: “Can I get a pack of [Brand] cigarettes?”

    Me: “Can I see your ID?

    Customer: “I left my wallet at home.

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the law requires I ask for a valid picture ID. No ID means no sale.”

    Customer: *testy* “I have a four-year-old kid! I think that proves I am old enough to buy cigs!”

    Me: “Even kids too young to smoke can make a baby.”

    Customer: *literally rips his shirt open* “For Christ’s sake I HAVE CHEST HAIR!”

    Me: “Yup. You have about a dozen of them. Congrats.”

    (The customer takes the child’s hand and storms out, cussing and complaining about me being rude.)

    Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number, Part 2

    | QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Money, Technology

    (It’s Friday afternoon, and I am a customer waiting for my prescriptions in the waiting area of my pharmacy. The customer ahead of me, a gruff older man, is getting upset with the cashier over a problem with the card reader.)

    Customer: “I’m telling you, it’s not my card. It’s your machine!”

    Cashier: “Sir, you have to enter your PIN correctly—”

    Customer: “I KNOW how to enter my PIN! Your machines are wrong! This doesn’t happen to me anywhere else.”

    Cashier: “I don’t know what to tell you, sir. My machine has been functioning properly all day. Your transaction failed after you entered your PIN. Would you like to try it again?”

    Customer: “If I try it again, you better MAKE it work right! [Financial Institution] is going to freeze my card if I keep trying. I’m going away for the weekend so I NEED my card to work!”

    Cashier: “Well, I can’t put in your PIN for you, sir. So I can’t guarantee you it will work.”

    Customer: “This has happened the last two times I’ve been in here! I’ve been a customer here for 30 years and you’re saying it’s MY fault? Your machines are wrong! And now my card is going to be frozen until Monday!”

    Cashier: “I don’t know what else to tell you, sir. Let me get my manager.”

    (The cashier pages the manager, who arrives promptly.)

    Manager: “I understand there’s some trouble with your card, sir?”

    Customer: “The machine is messing up. It’s NOT my PIN. My card is going to be frozen and I’m going away this weekend!”

    Manager: “I understand, sir. If you have time to wait, I’ll call [Financial Institution, which is also responsible for card reader] and try to find out what’s going on.”

    (My manager dials the phone and explains the situation to tech support.)

    Manager: *on phone* “Uh-huh. I see.”

    Customer: “Ask them if my card is frozen!”

    Manager: *on phone* “So there’s no problem with our system? Alright. Thank you.”

    Customer: “Oh, wait. My PIN on this card is five digits. I only entered four!”

    Related:
    Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number

    Not Just The Cream Turning Sour

    | Wichita, KS, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (This week, we’re running a deal on a certain brand of sour cream. A customer starts loading her groceries onto the belt.)

    Me: “Hi! Is that it for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, dear! That’s all.”

    (I make small talk with her while I’m ringing her out. Then I notice that she has two tubs of the sour cream on sale.)

    Me: “I have some good news! We’re running an awesome special on this sour cream right now. If you want to grab another one, it’ll be free.”

    (The customer freezes and stares at me, her eyes wide.)

    Customer: “…excuse me?”

    Me: “Er, it’s three-for-two? We have a refurbi—”

    Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER RIGHT NOW!”

    (I ring my manager immediately, because her transformation was, frankly, terrifying.)

    Manager: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “This little c*** tried to charge me for three tubs of sour cream! Do you treat all of your customers this way? Do you ENJOY ripping people OFF and GUTTING THEM of their HARD-EARNED MONEY?”

    Manager: *turns to me* “What?”

    Me: “The three-for-two!” *I turn to the customer again* “Ma’am, I was trying to explain that you can get three for the price of two.”

    Customer: “C***! You just enjoy watching other people’s money get snatched away. You don’t care.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I promise. I wasn’t—”

    Manager: “Okay, okay. Everyone calm down.”

    (My manager nudges me toward the break room.)

    Manager: “I’ll finish up here.”

    (The customer shrieks as I make my way to the break room, demanding that I be prosecuted for larceny and threatening to call the police. Even when I am in the break room, I can still hear her. I call my girlfriend, hoping she can calm me down. My girlfriend also works in the store.)

    Girlfriend: “Wait. Wait. Does this woman have purple glasses?”

    Me: “…yes.”

    Girlfriend: “Oh, my God. Yeah, babe. I’m gonna go out and buy you a nice bottle of wine; how’s that?”

    (As it turns out, that woman had gone off on three other employees, including my girlfriend, on our old manager’s watch. She had been banned from the store until our new manager was hired. She actually tried to sue one of the cashiers for larceny!)


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