October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

Fixing For A Fixing

| London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids

(In my local supermarket, there’s a very nice chap who usually works behind the tobacco counter. I have no idea what his preference is, but he’s obviously flamboyant and camp. He’s also always very friendly and helpful to everyone.)

Angry Customer: “God, that f****** [homophobic slur] is so slow!”

(Everyone else in the queue turns in astonishment, not sure that they just heard that. The angry customer continues ranting:)

Angry Customer: “Those d*** gays; they’re everywhere! I don’t know what’s wrong with—OW! OW!”

(We all look down to see a five year old standing there, kicking the ranting guy hard in the shins, repeatedly.)

Child: “You’re—” *kick* “—not—” *kick* “—a—” *kick* “—nice—” *kick* “—man—” *kick*

(The angry customer grabs the child, to the complete shock of everyone watching, at which point he is tackled by several people.)

Angry Customer: “I have my rights! I have been assaulted!”

(The police arrive very quickly, and calm the situation.)

Policeman: *to angry customer* “Well, we’ve heard from all these people that you grabbed and then tried to hit that little girl. Is that true?”

Angry Customer: “I demand you arrest her! She attacked me! She’s guilty of assault!”

Policeman: “She’s five! She can’t legally commit any crime. You, on the other hand, have assaulted a small child and are now under arrest.”

(The best bit of the entire story? Various people offered to buy the little girl some sweets.)

Little Girl: “No! I don’t want sweets. I want this!”

(She has a cheap 50-piece toolset with screwdrivers, pliers, and so-on. We confirm with her mum that it is okay to buy that for her at that age.)

Mum: “Sure, why not? You’ve already seen that she likes fixing things.”

Methadone And Done

| UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(I work behind the chemist counter and a lot of addicts come in to get their methadone. This one turns up five minutes before closing.)

Customer: “Here you go.” *hands over her prescription*

Me: “Thanks, I’ll just go get the pharmacist for you.”

(Whilst she’s waiting she notices the slides we used to detach our counter-caches which store all of the notes.)

Customer: “What are those?”

Colleague: “Those get the counter-caches off for us, for cashing up.”

(The customer picks one up and starts playing with it.)

Me: “The pharmacist will be right out.”

Customer: “No problem. In the meantime I’d like one of these.” *hands me the slide for the counter-caches*

Me: *thinking she’s joking* “Um, sorry, I don’t think that’s allowed.”

Customer: “Don’t laugh at me! GIVE ME THE F****** COUNTER THING!”

(It escalated from there. She refused to leave the shop or take her methadone, and we had to call the police and stand there whilst she trashed the store. We ended up staying an hour late to clean it all up. The pharmacist rang her doctor and asked for her to be sent somewhere else for her methadone and possibly be given a stronger dose.)

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 8

| QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

(I work at a small store that sell shoes and other kinds of items such as scarves and hats. The owner occasionally gives out gift cards to customers who have paid over 150$ on a single purchase. One day, a woman comes in with her husband.)

Me: “Good evening, ma’am. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I came here a week ago and bought a bunch of stuff; the owner gave me this.” *shows it to me*

Me: *confirms it is the gift cards we have* “Do you need help choosing which items you want to buy?”

Customer: *starts getting angry* “No, thanks. You can wait in the back.”

(I leave and wait near the cash registers. When she finally comes with her desired items, it consists of seven scarves and a baseball cap.)

Me: “Very well. Could you please hand me the gift card?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Can’t I just take these items and you keep the card?”

Me: “I need to make sure this card is legitimate, ma’am. It won’t take long, no worries.”

(The expiration date is over a year ago. The woman seems ready to start the argument at this point.)

Me: “Ma’am, the gift card is way beyond it’s expiration date and you’re going to have to pay with cash, check, or your credit card in order to receive those items.”

Customer: “So? I know the owner; I’ve been friends with her for a long time. She told me that I wouldn’t have to worry about the date and could come whenever I wanted!”

Me: “Would you mind if I called her to verify? Could I have your name, ma’am?”

Customer: *anxious* “Y-yeah, go ahead, I’m [Customer].”

(I call the owner.)

Me: “Hi, [Owner], this is [My Name]. There’s this woman here that has a gift card and the expiration date is [date]. She also claims to be one of your friends and her name is [Customer], and that because of that she’s able to use the card whenever without worrying about the expiration date.”

Owner: “If she were indeed my friend, she wouldn’t have received a card at all. Refuse the card and ask her to pay for it, or tell her to leave. Drama is one thing, and I don’t want it in my store.” *clicks*

Me: “I’m afraid the card is no longer valid. You’re going to have to pay with something else.”

Woman: *turns red* “T-this is UNACCEPTABLE! I’m never coming back to this store, and you can bet your a** that I will make it my life goal to make sure that THIS PLACE CLOSES!” *leaves*

Me: *tries not to laugh* “Have a nice day, ma’am!”

(She leaves but her husband hangs back to talk to me.)

Husband: “I knew it would turn out like this. She does this all the time when she sees an opportunity of getting free stuff.”

(I never saw them again.)

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 6
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 5

Fits The Bill Of A Criminal

| England, UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Holidays, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

(A couple of years back I worked as a Christmas temp at a major supermarket during a year off from university course. It is in the middle of a very busy shift.)

Customer: *walks up to checkout with two very expensive electrical items*

Me: “Hello, sir.” *scans items* “That will be £380 please.”

Customer: *hands me a wad of £20 notes*

Me: “Thank you very much.”

(I start to count money out in front of him while also checking each note for authenticity.)

Customer: *suddenly aggressive* “What are you doing?”

Me: “I have to check that this is the correct amount of money and it is our policy to ensure that all notes are genuine. I do the same for all notes I get handed.”

Customer: *grabs notes and starts to count them out in front of me quickly*

Me: “Sir, I need to count the money myself so I can check each note.”

Customer: “I am not a criminal!”

Me: *getting suspicious* “I am not saying you are, sir. I am only doing my job as thoroughly as I can. Sometimes fake notes can be picked up by accident and the person who has them is not aware they are fake. But if I were to allow one into the till it could be passed to another customer and at that point the shop would have committed a criminal offence and could be held liable. I need to check the notes.”

(I pick up the notes and start to check them again.)

Customer: “I AM NOT A CRIMINAL!”

(The manager comes over at the noise.)

Me: “Please calm down, sir!”

Manager: “[My Name], what is going on?!”

Me: “This gentleman is not allowing me to check and count his money.”

Manager: “Please calm down, sir, or we will have to call security.”

Customer: *screaming at the top of his lungs* “I AM NOT A CRIMINAL! WHY ARE YOU TREATING ME LIKE THIS?! I WILL F****** SLIT YOUR THROAT, YOU F****** B****!”

(Security came running over and the customer was restrained. When we checked his money all but £100 of it was fake. The police were called.)

Comic: Too Rich For Jesus’ Blood

| Gulf Shores, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Comics, Holidays, Religion

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