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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Doesn’t Understand The ‘A Time For Giving’ Part

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I work at a toy store. During the Christmas season, we take donations to ‘Toys for Tots,’ a program that helps kids in need get toys they otherwise couldn’t afford. A boy who has just turned 10 comes in with birthday money and buys some Pokémon toys. This happens at the end.)

    Me: “Okay, hon. Your total is [total]. Would you like to donate to ‘Toys for Tots’ today?”

    Boy: “Yes. I want to donate.”

    (I assume he wants to donate a dollar or so, as most people do.)

    Me: “Okay. How much would you like to donate?”

    Boy: “$50.”

    Me: “Are you sure? That’s a pretty big donation!”

    Boy: *nods*

    Me: “Okay. Thank you so much!”

    (At this point a customer behind me speaks up.)

    Customer: “He can’t give you that much! You’re just keeping it for yourself anyway. And besides, those people are just lazy! If they actually worked instead of mooching off the government then maybe their parents could get them s***!”

    (My jaw drops. I am about to tell the customer off, when the boy steps in.)

    Boy: “Don’t talk like that! Besides, I saved up this money for my birthday, and I can pick how I want to spend it! And they aren’t lazy. Sometimes people just need help. I hope if you needed help, someone would help you. Because that’s what God says to do!”

    (The customer shut up after that. I was really proud of that little boy. He did donate the $50, an amount most adults won’t even pay!)

    Store Of The D***ed, Part 2

    | Monticello, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Religion

    (I work at a grocery/retail store that has a somewhat relaxed dress code for the cashiers. It is quite hot both inside and outside the store. Many of my female coworkers are wearing less clothing than usual. A customer comes to my check lane and unloads her groceries.)

    Customer: “Oh, thank God. SOMEBODY around here knows how to dress in a way that pleases the Lord!”

    (Right away, I know this is going to be unpleasant. I’m a transgender man with no religious belief.)

    Customer: “All of these god-d*** heathens dress like streetwalkers! I’m so glad I found someone uncontaminated to handle my food!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Did you say ‘uncontaminated?’”

    Customer: “Why, yes, dearie. Those worthless w****s you have to work with are contaminated by the devil! It’s too bad you have spend so much time around them, but I understand times are tough.”

    Me: “Actually, I enjoy working here. I have excellent pay, flexible hours, and the opportunity to be part of a great team. I’ve made friends with several of my coworkers, and we regularly spend time together outside of work.”

    Customer: “Oh, dearie, you know you shouldn’t yoke yourself to an unbeliever! But I suppose it’s hard to lead some to Christ if you don’t know them very well.”

    (At this point, I’m finished scanning and bagging her groceries. She pays with her card and turns to me.)

    Customer: “You know, young lady. I just feel so bad for you. You’re stuck in this awful, godless place, and I just—”

    (The customer rummages in her purse and pulls out two $5 bills.)

    Customer: “Take these are use them to do The Lord’s work!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t accept your money in good conscience. I happen to be one of those godless heathens you were upset about. Furthermore, I’m sorry to say that you have made a crucial flaw in your perception of me. I am not, as you said, a ‘young lady.’ I am a 21-year-old transgender man.”

    (The customer begins to shout various racial, homophobic, and trans-phobic slurs. My manager rushes over to find out what’s going on.)

    Customer: “THIS GODLESS C*** CONTAMINATED MY FOOD!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, you need stop verbally abusing the staff and leave the premises. If you don’t, I’ll be forced to call the police.”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU!? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?”

    Manager: “No, ma’am, and quite frankly I don’t care. You’re shouting some of the vilest insults in the English language at one of my best cashiers. Get your s*** and leave. NOW!”

    (The customer flees, insulting both of us the whole time. The next customer in line has watched the situation unfold.)

    Next Customer: *to my manager* “Excuse me. Would it be alright if I gave you both a gift card? You deserve something nice after all that.”

    Me: “You don’t need to—”

    Manager: “Uh, okay. Sure.”

    Next Customer: “Here. Just [item] and two $25 gift cards for [coffee shop].”

    (When the friendly customer gives me the gift card, his number is written on the back. We’ve been dating for almost two years!)

    Related:
    Store Of The D***ed

    Smelling A Sale

    | Mobile, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a mall perfume counter. It’s close to Christmas. Many people are running around like crazy. It’s my first Christmas at this job. I’m very nervous about approaching people who look like they’re in a hurry. Two of my coworkers have already been yelled at by some hurrying customers. I see a customer, sort of casually strolling through, and decide to try her.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Would you like a sample of this cologne?”

    (The customer gives me a blank look.)

    Customer: “What for?”

    Me: “For… well, just to smell.”

    Customer: “But I’m not a man.”

    Me: “Well, no. But maybe you’re looking for a last minute gift for some man in your life?”

    Customer: “There is no man in my life! They’re all dead!”

    (I am horrified and speechless. The customer bursts into giggles.)

    Customer: “Sorry. You all just look so nervous and bored over here. I thought I’d have a bit of fun! That’s [Perfume Name], right? I’ll have four.”

    Terminate This Purchase

    , , , | Calgary, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. Absolutely.”

    (I realize the customer is buying three things. A pack of water pistols, lighter fluid, and matches.)

    Me: “Um… This is an interesting purchase.”

    Customer: “Yeah, there’s a wasp infestation in my garage. Figured this is easier than an exterminator.”

    That Kind Of Behavior Is Just Not Cricket, Part 2

    | UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Military, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a customer. I witness an argument at one of the tills over a false label on an expensive cricket set. It appears as though the label has been attached by the customer. It is obviously written in green felt tip and not real.)

    Customer: “Why won’t you give me the discount?”

    Employee: “Because this is obviously a fake label.”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING A SCAM ARTIST! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

    (The employee fetches a manager.)

    Manager: “Sir, we are not going to sell you a set that costs £189.99 for only £15. This is obviously not a real label.”

    (The customer takes a bat out of the pack and raises it in a threatening motion.)

    Customer: “GIVE IT TO ME FOR FREE OR I’LL BREAK YOUR SKULLS!”

    (Suddenly, out of nowhere, a random customer who is just walking past grabs the bat. He moves it round the unruly customer’s shoulder, flooring the bad customer and disarming him in one motion. The random customer goes right up to his face.)

    Random Customer: “Buddy, you ain’t gonna get s*** unless you calm down and learn to be an honest man instead of a p***k. F*** off.”

    (The unruly customer gets up and runs off, only to be grabbed by security and arrested a few minutes later. The good customer was given a £100 gift card and was even offered a job as a security guard! He declined, saying it was his duty to be a good citizen. I found out he was an ex-colonel in the British army and had been in tougher situations than that.)

    Related:
    That Kind Of Behavior Is Just Not Cricket


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