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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    The Manager Has To Wake Up And Smell The Coffee

    | West Yorkshire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (We are having a meeting about how many errors we are making on our tills. When we explain why these are happening, our boss seems to think we are all idiots and decides to spend a few hours watching what we do, starting off by showing us how to use the till properly.)

    Customer #1: “Can I have a medium latte please?”

    (My manager makes the drink and processes it on the till without a problem. I’m the first to go on the till afterwards.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, can I get a medium skinny latte.”

    (I make the drink, process it on the till, and tell the customer the price which is also written on the menu board behind me.)

    Customer #2: “Sorry, I don’t have enough. Can you make me a plain latte?”

    (I make the second drink for the customer and process this on the till, but it goes down as an error which causes my manager to glare at me. I tell the customer the new price.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, I don’t have enough for that either. Can I have a tea?”

    (I make a third drink and re-process this on the till making another error. The customer finally pays and leaves.)

    Manager: “Yeah. I’ll just tell head office this town is full of idiots…”

    Setting Daddy’s Little Girl Straight

    | New Haven, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I’m gay and working in a clothing store for teens/young adults. A roughly 15-year-old girl comes into the store. Her dad is sitting on a bench right outside the store in clear view of the check-out counter.)

    Girl: “Hey there. Do you offer discounts for pretty girls?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not. Unless you have a coupon, your total will be [total].”

    Girl: “Maybe you can give me a discount for a different kind of coupon?” *slowly pops open the top buttons of her shirt*

    Me: “Oh, honey, you’re gonna need a few more years and a surgery before that’s going to work on me.”

    Girl: *scowling* “Are you calling me flat-chested?”

    Me: “Different kind of surgery, honey.” *pointing out my rainbow bracelet*

    Girl: “Oh, ew!”

    (The girl’s dad has managed to storm right up next to his daughter without her noticing. He’s clearly fuming.)

    Girl’s Dad: “You better have a good reason for flashing this kid your cleavage, [Girl’s Full Name].”

    (He made her put all her clothes back and leave the store in tears.)

    Knock Your Socks Off

    | IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (I’m the cashier. The store has a rewards loyalty card. The transaction has been normal up to this point.)

    Me: “Do you have a [Store] rewards card?”

    Customer #1: “No, I do not! I was fired from this store because I wore the wrong colored socks! So I refuse to get a rewards card.”

    (The customer suddenly throws her credit card at me. I’m speechless so I just finish the transaction in stunned silence.)

    Me: “Have a good day.”

    (Customer #1 huffs out of the store. The customer behind her comes up to the register with a dumbfounded look on his face.)

    Customer #2: “I have a feeling wearing the wrong socks wasn’t the reason she was fired.”

    A Cash Flow Returns To The Source

    | Lenoir City, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Money

    (I’m working the customer service desk and have a problem with a customer who keeps calling, in spite of being told the answer to his question several times. Frustrated, when he calls again I ask my coworker to answer. She puts him on speaker.)

    Coworker: “Customer service. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *slurring his words* “I need to return my fridge!”

    Coworker: “Okay.”

    Caller: “Yeah, and I paid $400 for it, and I found a used one for $200. I want my money back!”

    Coworker: “Okay. Do you have your receipt?”

    Caller: “No, but I have my credit card.”

    Coworker: “Okay. We can put it back on that.”

    Caller: “No! I want that in cash!”

    Coworker: “Sir, that’s impossible. You paid for it with a credit card, so you get the money back on your credit card.”

    Caller: “But I paid it off with CASH!”

    Coworker: “Even so. The money has to go back on the card.”

    Caller: “Well, f*** it, b****!”

    Coworker: “I’d rather not. I don’t think you’re my type.”

    (The caller swears again and hangs up.)

    Coworker: *to me* “See? With idiots, you have to be clever. It confuses them.”

    Pay It Forward, Driving Backwards

    , | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Religion, Top

    (I’m working the drive-through at my restaurant. A customer drives up.)

    Customer #1: “Can I have a small [soda], please?”

    Me: “That will be [amount]. Please pull forward.”

    (The customer pulls up to the window and I hand her the drink. She hands me cash to pay for it.)

    Customer #1: “Do you take personal checks?”

    Me: “Uh, yes, we do, but you’ve already paid in cash, ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “Yes. I want to pay for the next person in line, too.”

    Me: “You want to pay for the next person?”

    Customer #1: “My pastor challenged everyone at my church to perform an act of kindness this week. So I’ll just sign a blank check and you can write in how much the next person’s order costs. Is that okay?”

    Me: “Hang on. I should probably check with my manager.”

    (I explain the customer’s request to the manager, who looks a bit confused, but says we can do that.)

    Me: “The manager says it’s okay, ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “Great!”

    (She signs a blank check and hands it to me, along with a religious tract.)

    Customer #1: “Could you just let the next person know it’s all taken care of, and please give them that pamphlet, too?”

    Me: “Yes, I certainly will.”

    (She cheerfully drives away, saying ‘bless you.’ A few minutes later, the next customer comes through the drive-through.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, can I get a [sandwich combo] with a large [soda]?”

    Me: “[Sandwich combo] with a large [soda]. Yes, sir. Please pull forward.”

    Customer #2: *pulling up to the window* “You didn’t tell me how much it was back there.”

    Me: “Well, you don’t have to worry about that, sir. The lady who came through the drive-through before you wrote out a check to take care of the next person’s order. She said she’d pay for it.”

    Customer #2: “What? You’re joking.”

    Me: “I swear.”

    Customer #2: “How could she know how much my order would be?”

    Me: “She left the amount line empty for me to fill in the cost of your order.”

    Customer #2: “Well, s***, son! In that case, give me TWO [sandwich combos], four [sandwiches], four [other sandwiches], another large fries, a 20-piece [chicken nuggets], an apple pie, and a $50 gift certificate!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer #2: “It’s a blank check, right? So just write what I f****** asked for.”

    Me: “Hang on a minute.”

    (My manager has been listening over my shoulder. He gives me a resigned shrug and tells me to do it. With all the items the customer asked for, the total is over $100. As I hand the customer his huge order, I also hand him the religious tract the woman gave me.)

    Me: “She also asked me to give you this pamphlet, sir.”

    Customer #2: *looking at it for two seconds before tossing it into his back seat* “Hah! Joke’s on her! I’m already a Christian!”

    (I can still hear him laughing as he pulls away.)

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