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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Giving Your Life’s Account

    | Rexburg, ID, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. I am [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to cancel my account.”

    (Everything is going normal until I tell him he is cancelled. Normally I ask if there’s anything else, the customer says “no” and they hang up. Instead this gentleman begins discussing a pyramid scheme his son is running that he’s been putting money in. He keep telling me details hoping I’ll join. I am creeped out and refusing to provide personal answers while giving non-committal answers. Eventually I realize that he doesn’t care what I say, so I put him on mute.)

    Customer: “Yeah, and the government will never help. I know because I’m a veteran. My son is a great businessman. It’s hard to get returns like this! I’ll be a millionaire soon!”

    (Eventually…)

    Customer: “What time is it?”

    Me: “It’s [time].”

    Customer: “Well, I should probably go. But I’ll tell my son that I told you about it. What was your name again?”

    Me: “It’s [Really Common First Name]. Have a good day, sir.”

    Customer: “I will. And thank you for listening to a crazy old man! I don’t have a job any more, so I get really lonely. You have a good day, and find someone so you aren’t lonely!”

    Not Being Very Adult About It

    | Pasadena, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at an adult themed store. We close at 10 pm and I have just locked the doors. I have two friends waiting for me in the parking lot, and we start having a conversation. Before we know it, we have been standing around talking for two hours, when a guy in a truck pulls up and gets out of his car.)

    Customer: *pulling on door* “Aw, are you guys closed?”

    Me: “Yeah, we closed two hours ago.”

    Customer: “Well, can you open real quick? I need to buy something.”

    Me: “No, we closed two hours ago. If it was really important you would have come in earlier.”

    Customer: “But it IS important! You should open and let me buy something!”

    Me: “Dude, this is a PORN store. It’s not life threatening, so, no I will not be opening. Buy your sexy-time things elsewhere.”

    Customer: *slinks off embarrassed*

    The King Of Weird

    | AR, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s close to the end of my shift and the store is near empty. I am so happy to have a customer. I greet the man who walks up with a broad smile and an energetic hello.)

    Customer: “Well, hello there, cashier girl.”

    Me: “Oh, hello! Did you find everything okay? It’s a beautiful night out, isn’t it?”

    Customer: “Yes, but it would be more beautiful if you were in it.”

    Me: *weird giggle*

    Customer: *puffs out chest and leans on my counter* “You deserve a man that will treat you like a princess.”

    Me: *seeing where this is going and needing to avoid it at all costs* “I’d rather be treated as an equal.”

    Customer: “So, do you have a man that treats you like the princess you are?”

    (I look this man up and down. He is clearly on drugs, about 55 years old, and wearing a cut off shirt and short shorts that do not cover his butt-crack or his legs.)

    Me: “Yes, I have a man. And he treats me how I feel I deserve to be treated.”

    Customer: “Hmmm, well, yes. But you deserve to be treated like a princess.” *tears the corner of his check I have handed back to him* “Take this. When you need to be pampered like the royalty you are, you can give me a call, sugar.”

    (The man walks off with his cart, shaking his butt and singing some random song.)

    Sweet Sixteen Is A Bitter Surprise

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (When I was sixteen, I was the only girl working at this particular hardware store. While I was scanning another customer’s purchases, and old man slides behind me at the register and whispers in my ear.)

    Customer: “I didn’t find what I wanted, but that’s okay.”

    (I jerk away from him, because he was quite close.)

    Me: “Oh… I’m sorry, sir.”

    Customer: *takes my left hand and caresses my ring finger* “Tsk, tsk. Boys don’t know anything these days. A girl like you should already be snapped up.”

    Me: “I’m 16.”

    Customer: *drops my hand abruptly* “Have a nice day.”

    Stripped Of His Confidence

    | USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (This conversation occurred between me and a customer buying shoes for a wedding. I’m a tall girl and rather busty.)

    Me: *after ringing up shoes and going through usual questions* “Okay, that will be [total].”

    Customer: “Just a second.” *pulls out wallet, digs in pockets, and locates two extra bills in another pocket* “Hey, I found extra money. That’s great!”

    Me: “Oh, yeah, I always love finding extra money at the bottom of my purse.”

    Customer: “Oh, from your job as a stripper?”

    (At this he freezes and his whole face is overcome with a look of absolute horror at what he’s just said. His tone isn’t insulting and in fact I got the distinct impression he must have a lot of female friends he casually jokes with without thinking. I’m standing there struggling between laughter and insult and settle on laughter as I’ve had a good day and he just looks like he feels really bad.)

    Customer: “Oh, my god, I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to imply—”

    Me: “It’s fine. It’s flattering to think I look good enough to be a stripper.” *poses*

    (The customer laughed though clearly still felt bad, He paid and left with his shoes. Another coworker walked over, having heard the exchange, and we stared at each other a moment before we burst out laughing.)

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