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  • His Attitude Speaks Volumes
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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Putting Themselves Into A Sticky Spot

    | Bismarck, ND, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “I’d like to return this game.”

    (He hands me a sports title, which is several years old.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept open game returns, particularly games purchased at a competing store.”

    Customer: “I purchased the d*** thing here!”

    Me: “I’m afraid you didn’t. We don’t open games and put [competing company]‘s stickers on the cases.”

    Customer: “Well, why the f*** not?”

    Deaf To Reason, Part 2

    , | Darwin, NT, Australia | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Pets & Animals

    (I am at a supermarket checkout.)

    Me: “Hey, there! How are you this eveni—”

    Customer: “You realise there’s a man in here with a dog, right?”

    Me: “Oh? Maybe it’s a guide dog or something?”

    Customer: “No, no! It doesn’t have the guide dog harness! Really! The beast is sticking its nose in the fresh bread!”

    (She proceeds to point over my shoulder, and I decide to look. To my amusement, it is a man who had come to my primary school when I was younger, to teach us about dogs that help people with hearing issues.)

    Me: “Actually, I know that guy. The dog is actually there to help him because of his hearing being—”

    Customer: “I don’t CARE what the dog is there for! It’s not a guide dog and needs to be removed! If you’re not going to help, call your manager, please!”

    (Exasperated and a bit peeved at the customer’s behaviour, I grudgingly do so while she defiantly hold up the line.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “That MAN over there has brought some flea-ridden dog in here while he’s shopping! Get him out of here at once!”

    Me: “I tried to explain to her it’s a hearing aid dog, but she’s not listening.”

    Customer: “I was listening you little cretin! Hearing aid dogs don’t—”

    Manager: “Actually they do, and this man is well known for coming through with his dog to help with his shopping. The kids love him, we love him, and you just appear to want to deny that for sake of argument.”

    Customer: “How DARE you! I’m a paying customer!”

    (By this point my manager asked her to pay her due and leave. She does… only to come back in and flat out abuse the guy for making HER look like a fool. Cops had to be called for her to be removed.)

    Related:
    Deaf To Reason

    Freedom Isn’t Free

    | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work at a wholesale club and every few months we give out free 90 day trials in lieu of paying for a membership. I have just finished explaining our offer to a customer.)

    Me: “So, did you want to try our paid membership or just get the 90 day free trial?”

    Customer: “I have a question.”

    Me: “Okay. What’s your question?”

    Customer: “This is completely free?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: “So, you mean to tell me that for 90 days I can come in here, and get anything I want for free?”

    (I pause and look at them for a second, and I ask her to repeat her question, which she does.)

    Me: “Ma’am, only the membership is free. You still have to pay for the items.”

    Customer: “Well, that is just false advertising. You all shouldn’t say something is free if you still have to pay for it.

    (She stormed off and I sat there wondering what just happened.)

    The Heavenly Penny Finally Dropped

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a small local library. A patron comes up to the front desk with a mischievous look in his eye. He plunks down a stack of movies.)

    Patron: “I didn’t know you guys had stuff like this.”

    (Not everyone knows that we lend videos and music, so I start on my standard ‘things you can get from the library’ spiel.)

    Patron: “No, man, I know about that! I meant porn!”

    Me: “Wha?”

    Patron: “Like this one, here!”

    (He holds up an old VHS.)

    Patron:Penis from Heaven!”

    Me: “‘Pennies,’” sir. It’s Pennies from Heaven.”

    Patron: “Oh. Well, you can keep it, then.”

    All Madness, No Meth(od)

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m the evening manager. Customer #1 is buying an odd mix of items that are frequently used in meth production. He’s also buying spray paint, which is clearly labeled on the shelf and register that we require photo identification to validate age, due to city laws.)

    Cashier: “With the spray paint, I need to see identification, sir.”

    Customer #1: “F*** you, b****! You ain’t stealing my identity!”

    Cashier: “Sir, I cannot sell spray paint without seeing your ID. I can put the paint back if you’d rather not buy the paint.”

    Customer #1: “I’m buying the paint! B****, you can sell me my paint!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m going to ask you to leave.”

    (As I am talking, I see another customer in the back, starting to dial his phone.)

    Customer #1: “B****! Think you can f*** with me? Here’s my identi-f*****-cation!” *throws wallet at cashier* “I’ll get that back after you close!” *storms out the door*

    Customer #2: “I’ve called the cops already. Do I need to step out so you can lock the store?”

    Me: “Nah. We have video and I now have his wallet. Plus, he’s still in his car. Plate is [number].”

    (The other customer relayed the number to dispatch. As the cops pulled in, Customer #1 ran to the back. The cop announced he had a dog, and let the dog go. Apparently the customer thought the dog and cop wouldn’t see him lying on the dumpster lid.)


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