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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Customer Service(d)

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (My sisters and I are out shopping and stop by a fast food restaurant for lunch. Both of my sisters still work there, and I have only recently quit to take another job. Several of our good friends work there as well. One such friend is on shift, greeting customers who come in and cleaning tables. When we enter, she comes over and gives us all hugs. Another customer has walked in right behind us, and sees our friend give us all hugs.)

    Customer: “Do I get a hug too?”

    (Without thinking, she hugs him. He just grins and walks off. We all stare at her in shock.)

    Coworker: “I thought he was with you guys…”

    Beware Of Customers Bearing Gifts

    | CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Love/Romance, Top

    (I am working as a cashier during the holiday rush. One of my jobs is to ask each customer if they would like a gift card or gift receipts with their purchase. I have just finished ringing up a woman and have moved on to her boyfriend, who only has one item: pants, clearly for himself.)

    Me: “How’s it going today, sir?”

    Customer: “Good. You?”

    Me: “Good thanks. Would you like any gift cards or gift re—”

    Customer: “No, man. I’m good. Just ring me up.”

    (I nod and continue the transaction. I tell him the total. He slides his card and I press the button that prints the receipt, also clearing the transaction from on screen.)

    Me: “Here’s your receipt.”

    Customer: “Can I get a gift receipt?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. It’s already too late.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “Well, sir, since you already confirmed the transaction and it has gone through the system, you would have to return the item and re-buy it to allow me to get to the gift receipt option.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? What happens if the pants don’t fit and I need to return them?”

    Me: “We do offer a 30-day return policy. All you need is the original receipt, which I just gave you.”

    Customer: “This is bulls***! What happens if it takes me longer than thirty days to decide if they fit?”

    (Before the customer gets anymore worked up, his girlfriend jumps in.)

    Girlfriend: “Don’t worry about it, honey. He asked you at the beginning of the transaction if you wanted a gift receipt. You said no. Now you have to deal with it. Now let’s go before you gotta walk out of this store single.”

    A Centless Journey

    | Fort Wayne, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (A customer places a book at my register to check out.)

    Me: “Did you find everything alright today?”

    Customer: “I did! I’ve been waiting to get this book for a long time. Wait a moment… Oh, no. I think I left my coupon at home.”

    Me: “What a shame! How much was your coupon for?”

    Customer: “It was a special coupon for 25 percent off any item.”

    Me: “Well, you’re in luck! I happen to have an extra coupon under my register. It’s for 20 percent off any item.”

    Customer: “But mine was for 25 percent. Your coupon won’t save me as much money.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, take a look at the price tag on the book. It’s only $10. With your coupon, the price would drop to $7.50, and with mine the price would be $8.00. It’s only a fifty-cent difference.”

    Customer: “But my coupon would save me more money! Can you hold the book for me? I’m going to go home and get my coupon.”

    Me: “Where do you live?”

    (The woman gives me an address on the other side of town, probably a 40-minute round trip at least.)

    Me: “Are you sure you want to drive all the way home? The time and gas alone are probably worth more than the 50 cents you’d save with your coupon. Why don’t you just use this 20 percent off right now?”

    Customer: “No. My coupon would save me more money than your coupon would.”

    (She leaves. An hour later, she’s back with her coupon.)

    Customer: *smiling* “Look how much money I just saved!”

    The Answer To Their Own Question

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Books & Reading, Food & Drink, Top

    (Today all my customers have been placing the exact same order, so I decide to have fun with the next one who comes in.)

    Me: “Hello. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi! Can I have—”

    Me: “A pound of [Brand] oven roasted turkey? Sliced thin?”

    Customer: “Um, yes…”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Coming right up.”

    (I slice the turkey for her and hand it to her.)

    Me: “Would you like anything else today?”

    Customer: “Can I also have—”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. One pound of [Brand] white American cheese, coming up.”

    (Her eyes go wide but she doesn’t say anything. I look through the cold case but don’t find an open package of the cheese.)

    Me: “Oh, looks like I need to open a new package. One moment, please.”

    (I step out from behind the counter and open up the door on the front of the case to get a new package of cheese.)

    Customer: “Wow! I didn’t know—”

    Me: “That’s okay. Most people don’t know the doors open from the front.”

    (Her eyes get even wider. I try not to snicker as I slice her cheese.)

    Me: “Aaaaand there you go. Will that be all for you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “What number am I—”

    Me: “42.”

    (She snatches the cheese and runs out the front door at full speed.)

    Coworker: “How did you know what number she was thinking?”

    Me: “Douglas Adams, dude. 42 is always the answer.”

    Coworker: “You’re sick, man.”

    Me: “I knew you’d say that.”

    Best To Let Sleeping Service Dogs Lie

    | USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (I am disabled and have a service dog that accompanies me everywhere, including my job. I typically run a register, and he will either sit or lay beside me on the rubber mat behind the register. I typically don’t talk about my disabilities with strangers, since some people can be rather mean.)

    Customer: “Oh, a service dog! Are you training it?”

    Me: *ringing up customer’s items* “No. He’s mine.”

    Customer: “But you don’t look disabled.”

    (I just smile and continue their transaction.)

    Customer: “Oh! Do you have seizures?”

    Me: “Something like that.”

    Customer: “Diabetes?”

    Me: “Something like that.”

    Customer: “PTSD?”

    Me: “Something like that.”

    Customer: “Well! I wasn’t trying to be nosy. Hmph!”

    Me: “Sorry about that. Your total will be [total].”

    (The customer pays and takes his bags, starts heading for the door before turning back to me.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry. That was rude of me, wasn’t it?”

    Me: “Something like that.”


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