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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Hard To Drink In This Much Stupid

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am the customer in this story. I’m in a coffee shop and there is a man in front me who has just rattled out a majorly complex iced coffee order with a myriad of flavor sauces, even going so far as to request a layer of whipped cream in the middle of the drink.)

    Cashier: “All right, that’ll be [price]. Your order might take a moment.”

    Customer: “That’s fine.”

    (I order my own coffee, which is just a mocha latte, without whipped cream. The barista finishes my drink first, as it’s much simpler. It’s in a paper cup, as it’s hot, whereas his is being seen prepared in a clear plastic cup, as it’s iced.)

    Barista: “Mocha latte for [My Name]!”

    (The customer with the long order swoops in before I can grab my drink, swiping it off the counter and taking a sip immediately.)

    Customer: “This is perfect! Thank you so much!”

    (He then runs out the door before either of us can speak.)

    Me: “Did he just..?”

    Barista: “… I’ll make you another drink.”

    Unhappy To Have Nothing To Complain About

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (It is after dark and I am attending to a line of customers as we have had a pretty busy night due to the holidays. An older woman comes up to my register.)

    Me: “How are you today, ma’am?”

    Customer: *is quiet for a few moments before throwing her items onto the table* “Hello.”

    (I begin to scan her items all the while she makes numerous demands of how she would like everything bagged a certain way. I am pleasant and cheerful the entire time as she has caught me in a good mood.)

    Customer: “And see that you pack these together! Oh, and all the food in one bag. And make sure that box isn’t scratched!”

    Me: “Oh course. That’s no problem!”

    (I smile and continue to pack her things. There is a long pause.)

    Customer: *in a sharp and sarcastic tone* “Well, you sure are… chipper and rather fast today.”

    Me: *I smile* “Oh, I try to be! I’ve been here so long this job just comes as second nature.”

    Customer: “Well, see that you stop that! You’re going too fast for me! And stop being so happy!”

    Me: “… I’m sorry?”

    (The woman walks off as I am left stunned.)

    Coworker: “Did you really just get yelled at for being too nice?! Now I’ve seen it all!”

    In Closed Quarters

    | MN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I work as a cashier at a chain of grocery stores. In our lanes, we have these little gates that you can bring down if the lane is closed. There is very little space between the gate and the belt, so customers can’t squeeze their way in. My manager comes over to tell me to go on break, and then puts the gate down as we’re rather busy at the moment and customers don’t often notice that the light is off above our register, showing we’re closed. I have one other customer still in line after we close the gate, so I hurry to finish with her.)

    Me: “And have a nice day, ma’am.”

    (I hear heavy breathing and look at the entrance to my lane after giving the customer her receipt. A man has squeezed himself through the space between the gate and the register!)

    Customer: *still breathing heavily* “Woof, that was hard to get through!”

    (I still don’t know how he got through, considering I weight about 150lbs and I can’t get through the gap without sucking in my stomach, and he had a good 50 or so pounds on me!)

    Trying To Blow Smoke

    | USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I’m running the express lane when a lady approaches my till holding an infant of about a year old. Note: it’s October and around 68° outside.)

    Me: “Hello! What can I do for you?”

    Customer #1: *sets infant on counter * “Yes, I’d like two packs of [Brand] cigars.”

    (I go get the cigars, and as I return and start ringing up her cigars, another customer walks by who also has an infant that is in only shorts, minding their own business.)

    Customer #1: *to Customer #2′s infant* “Oooh, baby, you’re gonna get sick wearing only shorts. It’s, like, zero degrees outside.” *to me* “Some people.”

    (She happily walked away with her cigars and baby.)

    Wants The Number Of The Devil

    | Robeline, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Love/Romance, Religion

    Customer: *leering* “I need $15 worth of [Cell Company] minutes and your phone number, sweetness.”

    Me: *pretending I didn’t hear the last part* “$15 of [Cell Company] minutes. Okay.”

    Customer: *smirking* “And your phone number.”

    Me: *curtly* “Not happening. I have a boyfriend.” *prints the slip* “It’s $15.50.”

    Customer: *pays in exact change* “So, did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”

    Me: *deadpan* “What are you talking about? I clawed my way up from Hell.”

    (He quickly left and hasn’t asked for my number since.)


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