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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    A Centless Journey

    | Fort Wayne, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (A customer places a book at my register to check out.)

    Me: “Did you find everything alright today?”

    Customer: “I did! I’ve been waiting to get this book for a long time. Wait a moment… Oh, no. I think I left my coupon at home.”

    Me: “What a shame! How much was your coupon for?”

    Customer: “It was a special coupon for 25 percent off any item.”

    Me: “Well, you’re in luck! I happen to have an extra coupon under my register. It’s for 20 percent off any item.”

    Customer: “But mine was for 25 percent. Your coupon won’t save me as much money.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, take a look at the price tag on the book. It’s only $10. With your coupon, the price would drop to $7.50, and with mine the price would be $8.00. It’s only a fifty-cent difference.”

    Customer: “But my coupon would save me more money! Can you hold the book for me? I’m going to go home and get my coupon.”

    Me: “Where do you live?”

    (The woman gives me an address on the other side of town, probably a 40-minute round trip at least.)

    Me: “Are you sure you want to drive all the way home? The time and gas alone are probably worth more than the 50 cents you’d save with your coupon. Why don’t you just use this 20 percent off right now?”

    Customer: “No. My coupon would save me more money than your coupon would.”

    (She leaves. An hour later, she’s back with her coupon.)

    Customer: *smiling* “Look how much money I just saved!”

    The Answer To Their Own Question

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Books & Reading, Food & Drink, Top

    (Today all my customers have been placing the exact same order, so I decide to have fun with the next one who comes in.)

    Me: “Hello. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi! Can I have—”

    Me: “A pound of [Brand] oven roasted turkey? Sliced thin?”

    Customer: “Um, yes…”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Coming right up.”

    (I slice the turkey for her and hand it to her.)

    Me: “Would you like anything else today?”

    Customer: “Can I also have—”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. One pound of [Brand] white American cheese, coming up.”

    (Her eyes go wide but she doesn’t say anything. I look through the cold case but don’t find an open package of the cheese.)

    Me: “Oh, looks like I need to open a new package. One moment, please.”

    (I step out from behind the counter and open up the door on the front of the case to get a new package of cheese.)

    Customer: “Wow! I didn’t know—”

    Me: “That’s okay. Most people don’t know the doors open from the front.”

    (Her eyes get even wider. I try not to snicker as I slice her cheese.)

    Me: “Aaaaand there you go. Will that be all for you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “What number am I—”

    Me: “42.”

    (She snatches the cheese and runs out the front door at full speed.)

    Coworker: “How did you know what number she was thinking?”

    Me: “Douglas Adams, dude. 42 is always the answer.”

    Coworker: “You’re sick, man.”

    Me: “I knew you’d say that.”

    Best To Let Sleeping Service Dogs Lie

    | USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (I am disabled and have a service dog that accompanies me everywhere, including my job. I typically run a register, and he will either sit or lay beside me on the rubber mat behind the register. I typically don’t talk about my disabilities with strangers, since some people can be rather mean.)

    Customer: “Oh, a service dog! Are you training it?”

    Me: *ringing up customer’s items* “No. He’s mine.”

    Customer: “But you don’t look disabled.”

    (I just smile and continue their transaction.)

    Customer: “Oh! Do you have seizures?”

    Me: “Something like that.”

    Customer: “Diabetes?”

    Me: “Something like that.”

    Customer: “PTSD?”

    Me: “Something like that.”

    Customer: “Well! I wasn’t trying to be nosy. Hmph!”

    Me: “Sorry about that. Your total will be [total].”

    (The customer pays and takes his bags, starts heading for the door before turning back to me.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry. That was rude of me, wasn’t it?”

    Me: “Something like that.”

    Not A Bad Penny Among Them

    | Flagstaff, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working as a cashier. I have a line of three people.)

    Me: “Hi. How are you doing tonight?”

    Customer #1: “Not bad, and you?”

    Me: “Well, to be honest, it’s my first night, and it definitely could be going better! I just had a customer pay for her entire $25 order in dimes and nickels!”

    (Customer #1 and Customer #3 wince and make sympathetic noises as I finish ringing out Customer #1. Meanwhile, Customer #2 goes absolutely white as a sheet.)

    Customer #2: “I’m really, REALLY sorry. You are going to hate me.”

    (Customer #2 places a $40 bottle of whiskey on the counter, and begins emptying his pockets…of pennies.)

    Me: *whimpers*

    (Thankfully, Customer #2 and Customer #3 helped me count!)

    Finally Sees Cents

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Math & Science, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (The price of the fuel has gone up, from $0.537 cents per litre, to $0.539 cents per litre. We always change the outside signs BEFORE we change the price on the pump. A customer pulls up just as the price is changing. She fills her car with fuel and pays. She turns to leave, then looks at her receipt. She returns to the counter.)

    Customer: “Um, excuse me, but you have ripped me off. You have charged me the wrong price.”

    Me: I’m sorry? Let me take a look at the receipt.

    (I look at the receipt, and it clearly shows the price as being $0.539 cents per litre. She had purchased 25 litres.)

    Customer: “See, it’s the wrong price. You are rip-off merchants. You have stolen my money!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the price is correct, I’m unsure as to what you are referring.”

    Customer: “When I drove in, the pump said 53.7 and then you charge me 53.9 cents a litre! That’s extortion!”

    Me: “Well, actually the signs outside clearly indicate the price, and the pumps had just changed as you pulled up.”

    Customer: “So you admit it! You have ripped me off! I want to see the manager!”

    Me: “I am the manager, ma’am. For the inconvenience, I shall refund you the difference.”

    (I hand her the five cents.)

    Customer: “Seriously? I’m not stupid you know! It’s a lot more than just five cents!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, you purchased 25 litres yes?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “The price went from 53.7 CENTS a litre to 53.9 CENTS a litre?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “So 25 multiplied by .2 of a cent equates to 5 cents.”

    (Red faced and obviously extremely mortified, the customer raced out of the store without so much as a ‘sorry!’)


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