November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

Practically Screaming Your Age

, | Yorktown, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work at a drive-in where you park you car and order food from a speaker, then we bring it to you. Sometimes customers let their kids make the order for them.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you?

(The drive-in is very new, and our headsets have pristine hearing.)

Mother: *whispering* “Tell them, ‘one chocolate milkshake.'”

Child: *screaming* “ONE CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE!”

(I nearly fall over as I jerk the headset off my ears. I can still hear talking through them.)

Mother: *whispering* “One vanilla milkshake.”

Child: *screaming* “ONE VANILLA MILKSHAKE!”

Mother: *whispering* “And two strawberry milkshakes.”


(I gingerly put the headphones back on.)

Me: “Okay, that will be [price]. Will it be cash or card?”

Child: *screaming* “I DON’T KNOW! I’M SIX!”

Will Find It Or Dime Trying

| NH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(I work in a grocery store. There are little trash cans between the register and the little counter with the card payment system. I’m giving the customer her change when a coin falls into the trash bucket. Most customers brush it off and leave.)

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry. Let me get that for you” *find the dime and give it to her* “Well, have a nice day!”

Customer: “There should be another dime. I need my dime.”

Me: “Well, okay, let me look again.” *I look in the trash and around the ground* “Are you sure it wasn’t one dime,  ma’am?”

Customer: “No! Let me look.” *she then proceeds to pull out all the trash, tossing it onto my belt, then pouring out all the garbage*

Bagger: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “She lost her dime.”

(My bagger then starts searching the surrounding area for the dime.)

Customer: *stops after about 10 minutes of searching and looks straight at me* “Oh, well, it’s just a dime.” *she leaves*

Me: *to the next customer* “Hi, how are you today?”

(I’m laughing pretty hard by now, as I could barely keep from cracking up while watching this lady. I’m not even mad.)

Customer #2: “If she took any longer, I would’ve just given her a dollar!”

Pounding Out A Deal

| UK | At The Checkout, Money

(I work in a charity shop. Everything is very cheap but we also have an ‘everything £1’ rail for clothing with minor issues; small marks, loose buttons etc. or for clothing that’s been in the shop for a while. A customer comes to the counter with a few items from the £1 rail.)

Customer: “This has a mark. Look.”

(She points out a tiny black speck, like a dot from a pen.)

Me: “Yes, I see. It’s £1.”

Customer: “I don’t know if the mark will wash out.”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “Can I get a discount?”

Me: “It was on the £1 rail. It’s already discounted.”

Customer: “But it has a mark!”

Me: “Yes, that’s why it’s only £1.”

Customer: “Can’t you just take something off for the mark?”

Me: “Uh, no. It’s £1. That IS the discount.”

Customer: *sighing heavily* “Oh, all right, then. I’ll take it. I just hope it comes out.”

(The kicker? Her total was just £4, and she had to sort through a bunch of £20 notes in her purse until she found a £5 to pay with!)

The Breast Awareness, Part 2

| SA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(I work in the store my parents own, when my father, who works at a hardware store up the road, comes in for lunch like he usually does. He proceeds to match stories with me about what we call ‘Thickhead Thursday’ customers. He tells me about a particularly rude man who abused all the assistants in his hardware store. No more than five minutes after, said customer walks into our store.)

Customer: *looks at dad* “OH, GOD!”

Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: *still looking at my father* “I bought this watch band and I need a new crimp clip for it.”

Me: “Sorry, sir. We don’t keep them, but I can give you the maker’s details and you can contact him. He lives here in town.”

(The customer finally looks at me and notices I have decent sized breasts. His eyes do not move from them for the rest of the conversation.)

Customer: “Thank you for your help. You’re a lovely girl.”

(He leaves.)

Dad: “Shame, I wanted him to have a go at you.  I wanted to tell him to f*** off. Why didn’t he?”

Me: “I have breasts.”

The Breast Awareness

I Scream For A Crouton

| Cambridge, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work in a coffee shop inside a bookshop. It is always very quiet in there and we are rarely very busy but the shop is popular with mothers and young children. There are two parents with their two young daughters. The girls are chatting amongst themselves but not being especially obtrusive. Two older ladies approach me at the counter.)

Old Lady #1: “Two mushroom soups, please,”

(I begin dishing up and the second old lady goes to get spoons from the stand which is about six feet away from the counter.)

Old Lady #1: “Those little ones are being awfully loud aren’t they? We came here for a bit of peace and quiet.”

Me: “I am sorry, Madam, but they’re only wee, and they don’t seem to be bothering anyone else. Now, would you like croutons with your soup?”

Old Lady #1: “Well, I certainly would and er… Hang on a tick dear—” *at the top of her voice* “MARTHA! MARTHA!”

(Old Lady #2 doesn’t react.)

Old Lady #1: *even louder* “MARTHA!”

Old Lady #2: *turns around* “WHAT?!”


Old Lady #2: “WHAT?”

Old Lady #1: “CROUTONS, MARTHA!”