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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    The Return Of The Ninja

    | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

    (I have a 14-hour shift because a friend of mine is out sick as she is having surgery. It’s about eight hours into the day, and a customer comes in, with something in a paper bag and a giant scowl on her face.)

    Me: “Hello, Ma’am. How may I help you today?”

    Guest: “Yes. I’d like to return this, please? Here’s my receipt, and I want the full amount back.”

    Me: “Yes, Ma’am. I’ll do what I can.”

    (I go to scan the receipt, and it’s declined, because she’s had the items for more than 90 days. We aren’t allowed to return things over that limit without a supervisor’s approval.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry ma’am, but my system is showing me that I can’t return these, due to the fact you purchased them more than 90 days ago.”

    Guest: “That’s f****** stupid! I demand to speak with your supervisor! I work in retail, and we return everything the guest gives us!”

    (I look over, and see my supervisor is busy dealing with another customer.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. If you’d just wait right over here for a moment, I’m sure he’ll be with you very shortly.”

    Guest: “No! I’ll not be treated this way!”

    (She takes out her purse, and slams her bag down on the guest services counter, throwing her store card and three gift cards at my face. I catch one, and dodge the others.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave, please. We do not allow that kind of behavior here. I’m very sorry for any inconvenience.”

    Guest: “You know what? You’re simply a stupid little s*** with no chance at ever being successful, or pretty!” *storms out*

    Customer In Line Behind Her: “Well, I never! Miss, you are beautiful, very kind, and I’m in awe of your ninja skills!”

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. I appreciate it!”

    How To Kiss Problem Customers Goodbye

    | IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

    (I normally take my lunch break when my husband gets off work. Today is a really busy day and I’m not getting my lunch break, so my husband has approached me at my checkout line. I give my husband a hug and quick peck on the cheek and say goodbye. I turn to my next customer.)

    Customer: “Where’s mine?”

    Me: “Your what?”

    Customer: *very serious* “My hug and kiss. He got one. I want one, too.”

    Me: “Oh! I only hug and kiss the customers I’m married to.”

    Customer: *disgusted* “Well, that’s not good customer service. I wanted a hug and kiss!”

    (A coworker then decides to step in. He’s a big guy about 6″ tall and very heavy.)

    Coworker: “Well, it would be a shame to let you leave unhappy.”

    Customer: “I know. It’s not fair that she kisses other men but won’t give me one!”

    Coworker: “I’ll take care of that for you.”

    (My coworker walks towards the customer with his arms out.)

    Coworker: “Let me show her what customer service is. I’ll take care of that hug and kiss.”

    Customer: “Uh… No, thanks!” *walks quickly to the front register*

    Coworker: *to me* “What about my hug and kiss?”

    Me: *smirks* “What about that marriage proposal?”

    Going Into A Song And Dance Over It

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

    (A customer is buying over $200 worth of used CDs, most of which are missing barcodes and have to be manually entered. To boot, they are mostly classical, which means they’re covered in text, often in different languages, etc., and it’s hard to pick out the information I need.)

    Customer: “Is there any way this can go any faster? I’m in quite a hurry.”

    (Yes, I’m sure he picked out all 50 friggin’ CDs in QUITE a hurry.)

    What The World Needs Now…

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work at an ice cream/burger joint with a drive thru. A mother comes through with a little girl in the back seat, I have just handed the mother her order when she pulls the car up a bit so I can directly hand the little girl her ice cream.)

    Me: “And here is your sundae!”

    Mother: “What do you say to the nice lady?”

    Little Girl: “I love you!”

    Me: *embarrassed and confused* “I love you, too.”

    (The mother laughs really hard while the little girl grins at me. My coworkers heard and laughed, too. She was the cutest little girl ever!)

    A Potentially Arresting Development

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I’m working behind concessions. We’re an independent theater so we offer beer and wine along with the usual items.)

    Customer: “Hi. Can I have a [Beer], please?”

    (I usually try to figure out if I need to ask for ID by seeing if they have grey hair or any kind of age marks, but this guy has a shaved head and a fairly youthful face.)

    Me: “Okay. Can I see some ID please?”

    (The guy pulls out his wallet. That’s when I spot his badge. My eyes go wide.)

    Customer: “I’m glad you asked. I didn’t want to have to arrest you.”

    (He pays for his beer and goes off to his movie. To this day, I’m not completely sure if he was kidding about arresting me.)

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