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  • Got Him Out Of A Pickle
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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Finished The Transaction At Break-Neck Speed

    , | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I am fresh out of high school. I work at a popular fast food chain and my long-term partner lives about an hour away. I have just returned from a short vacation, during which I spent my time at her house. As we didn’t see each other often we had to make the most of our time together. A customer in his 50s, male, is at my counter.)

    Customer: “You’ve been a naughty girl.”

    Me: “… Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’ve been very naughty.” *points at me*

    Me: “Uh… what?”

    Customer: “The marks on your neck.”

    Me: *instinctively pull up my collar, embarrassed*

    Customer: “That’s all right. Seems like you’ve got a lucky boy on your hands.” *winks*

    The Mother Of Bad Pickup Lines

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m cleaning behind the registers alone when a customer comes up to the counter. He looks about 30 and is a little unkempt looking. I’m 18. He’s been staring at me and overall been acting creepy and talking about how he can’t buy more shoes or socks because his mother won’t let him. Finally at the end of the transaction, this happens:)

    Customer: “You know… I think you’re very attractive… Would you, maybe.. Like to go out some time?”

    Me: “Thank you. That’s very sweet but I’m still in high school.”

    Customer: “Oh, what grade?”

    Me: “12.”

    Customer: “I don’t mind.”

    Me: “Maybe another time, but thank you.”

    (He then proceeds to ask again and I decline a second time.)

    Customer: “So, where do you live?”

    Me: “Oh, around here.”

    Customer: “Well I live in [retirement apartment complex].”

    (I assume this means he lives with his mother. He then proceeds to give me his email address and name on a post it note which I accept because at that point I just wanted him out. He’s been seen in the shopping centre near my store but hasn’t come back yet. Thank god!)

    Bored To Death At School

    | Long Island, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working as a cashier when a man and his young daughter (about nine or ten) come in. The girl looks upset.)

    Me: *to the girl* “Hi, there! How was school?”

    Girl: “I HATE school!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. What don’t you like about it?”

    Girl: “Everything, except for lunch and recess.”

    Me: “Well, what DO you like? What interests you?”

    Girl: *looking me right in the eye and smiling* “DEATH!”

    (Needless to say, I was speechless.)

    Fickle Over A Nickel

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

    (The store where I work has a coffee booth near the express lane, where I am working one day. Customer #1, an elderly man, comes to my register with a small coffee. He puts a dollar, two quarters, and four pennies on my counter.)

    Customer #1: “It should be $1.54 for this coffee, right?”

    Me: “I think so. Let me check.”

    (I ring it up and with tax it comes to $1.59.)

    Me: “Oh, sorry. Looks like it’s actually $1.59. You were close though!”

    (The man frowns and pulls out a wad of bills. He has twenties, tens, fives, and several more dollar bills.)

    Customer #1: *muttering* “I might as well give you a twenty to get a nickel!” *stuffs all his money back in his pockets* “You can just keep the d*** coffee!”

    (He storms off, leaving me speechless. The next customer stares after him.)

    Customer #2: “Goodness! What was his problem?”

    Me: “He was a nickel short for his coffee and didn’t want to give me another dollar instead.”

    Customer #2: “Is that what all the fuss was about? Shoot, I could have given him a nickel!”

    Me: “I have some dimes in my pocket, but I don’t think he would have accepted that either.”

    Customer #2: *shaking her head* “Shame. It seems like he really could have used that coffee!”

    Out For Dinner Is Out Of The Question

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as a cashier, and we’re supposed to stand in front of our registers if we’re open and waiting for a customer. As I’m doing this, an elderly man eyes me and walks over.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! Can I help you with something?”

    (The man proceeds to get way too far into my personal space. I’m mildly autistic, so I’m repressing a panic attack at this point.)

    Elderly Man: “You can take me out to dinner tonight.”

    Me: “Um, I don’t think my boyfriend would be too pleased about that.”

    Elderly Man: “It’s okay. He can come too.”

    Me: “Well, I’m working the closing shift tonight, then he’s picking me up, So, tonight doesn’t work, anyway.”

    Elderly Man: “Ah, that’s too bad.”

    (Not only am I getting creepy vibes from this guy, but his breath smells terrible. It’s all I can do to keep a pleasant smile on my face and not duck under my register.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

    Elderly Man: *remaining way too close and gesturing to the customer service desk* “Oh, no, I’m just waiting for my wife.”

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