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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    They’ll Toast To That

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I am standing in line at a well-known coffee shop, fairly early in the morning. I hear this exchange between an employee and the customer in front of me.)

    Customer: “Hi. Could I get a large coffee toasted with butter?”

    Employee: “… Sorry?”

    (The employee looks like she is trying not to laugh, when the customer suddenly notices what she’s said.)

    Customer: “No! Wait! I mean a large coffee and a BAGEL toasted with butter.”

    (They both burst out laughing.)

    Customer: “Sorry, it’s early. Although if you’re willing to try and toast a coffee with butter, I’ll pay just to see how it turns out!”

    They Should Screen Customers Like This

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (We have a touch screen tablet/kiosk in store that allows you to create a playlist for making custom CDs. One day, a man is shouting and punching the screen trying to get it to work. I come over to help him.)

    Customer: “This f****** thing is broken. It won’t accept any of the letters when I press them!”

    Me: “Please be gentle with the device. I’ll show you how easy it is to use.”

    (I show him, and after a few minutes he tries again, pressing the space between the letters instead of any actual letters.)

    Customer: “Your cheap-a** tablet is the reason I can’t figure it out!”

    (I just stand there letting him vent, all while finishing his list of songs. When it is done he wants to enter his name, and goes back to jamming the screen with his finger and cursing loudly.)

    Me: “I will finish it for you. The total will be [total].

    Customer: “That’s way too expensive! Never mind.”

    (The customer then just simply walks away. I turn around to see my coworkers laughing at me. Great days in retail!)

    Common Sense Has Left The Ranch

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am working at a sandwich shop while in high school. I have just made a sandwich for a customer and gone into the back to grab a few things. The customer returns to the counter to talk to my coworker.)

    Customer: “This is totally unacceptable. I want a new sandwich made!”

    Coworker: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “My sandwich has ranch on it. I hate ranch!”

    Customer’s Boyfriend: “Yes, my girlfriend hates ranch dressing. She would never order a sandwich with ranch!”

    Customer: “You should really check with people before you start making their food, you know!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry. Let me get another sandwich started for you. What kind did you order?”

    Customer: “Chicken bacon ranch. Oh, but no bacon!”

    Green Eyes Don’t Get You The Green

    | TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body, Money

    (I am keying in banking and income information for a customer who really wants to borrow 200 dollars.)

    Me: “Congratulations! You’ve been approved for $150 today!”

    Customer: “Oh, man! Thanks! Did you know you have the most beautiful green eyes I’ve ever seen, young lady?”

    Me: “Thank you so much, but our loans are computer generated amounts based on your income and banking information. I can’t approve for more than the $150.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, they aren’t that pretty after all.”

    Me: *just staring at him* “Umm?”

    Customer: “That came out wrong.”

    Take Note Of The Note, Part 2

    | Auckland, New Zealand | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (I’m a cashier and food server working alone on the morning shift in a small store. I have just served a customer and he is waiting for his fries to cook.)

    Customer #1: “How long until my chips are ready?”

    Me: “1 minute and 45 seconds away.”

    Customer #2: “Hey, man. I don’t mean to be a bother, but I’m in a hurry. Can you change some money for me?”

    Me: “Possibly. How much do you need changed?

    (Customer #2 holds up a $20 note.)

    Me: “Yeah, sure. Why not?” *I take the $20 off of him, and give him two $10 notes*

    Customer #2: “Thanks, man.” *leaves the store*

    (I have a funny feeling about the exchange, so when I put his note in the till, I fold the bill below just in case. A minute later…)

    Customer #2: “Hey, man. You only gave me $20. I gave you three $20 notes.”

    Me: “I’m 100% sure you only gave me $20.”

    (I am about to offer to take his details which is procedure in these circumstances when he cuts me off.)

    Customer #2: “Look, man. I’m not trying to scam you. My cousin gave me $60 and I needed them changed. They might have been stuck together and looked like one bill but there were three. I would like my $40.”

    Me: “I am 100% sure you only gave me $20. If you had asked to change $60 I would have said no in the first place. I also folded the bill below so I can check should a customer come back.”

    Customer #2: *about to begin arguing*

    Customer #1: “Dude, you only gave him $20.”

    Customer #2: *stammers* “Oh, really. My bad, then!”

    (Customer #2 walks of rather fast, only to stop at the door, come back, and grab the two $10 notes he’s left on the counter. A few seconds later, Customer #1′s order is ready.)

    Me: “Here’s your chips and some sauce on the house, for before.”

    Customer #1: “Thanks. So was that guy trying to scam you or what?! He seemed genuine and dodgy at the same time.”

    Me: “Yeah, but he didn’t come back to change the other $20 notes.”

    Customer #1: “I wouldn’t hate Monday mornings if I saw something that entertaining each week!”

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    Take Note Of The Note

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