Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

Loud And Clear-ly Annoying

| St. Louis, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I am a part time clerk assisting my manager on register during the morning rush. The next customer in line is a middle aged woman and her son who looks to be around eight.)

Me: “Good morning. Is this all for you?”

Boy: *yelling loudly* “GOOD MORNING, SIR. YOU’RE DOING A WONDERFUL JOB!”

Me: “Well, thank you.”

Boy: “SAY WHAT DID YOU SAY?”

Me: “Um… thank you?”

Boy: “SAY WHAT DID YOU SAY?”

Me: *realizing the kid isn’t asking for me to repeat myself but giving a command* “Okay, what did you say?”

Boy: *even louder* “GOOD MORNING, SIR. YOU’RE DOING A WONDERFUL JOB!”

(My manager and several of the customers are looking our way, obviously annoyed with the boy. I tell the customer her total and she goes to pay.)

Boy: “ARE YOU EVER GOING TO GET A REAL CAREER OR ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE TRASH OUT ALL YOUR LIFE?”

(I blink and am at a total loss for words. Several other customers’ jaws drop and my manager is trying to keep from laughing.)

Customer: “Oh, my goodness, I am so sorry! I can’t believe…”

Boy: “GOOD MORNING, SIR. YOU’RE DOING A WONDERFUL JOB!”

Gonna Spread Her Terror Across The Street

, | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Religion

(I’m a customer waiting in line at a local convenience store. A man and a woman walk in, grab drinks out of the cooler and head for the register to pay. Suddenly, the woman throws the drink on the ground.)

Woman: “Oh, h*** no! I don’t buy nothing from no towelhead, Muslim terrorists!”

(The man behind the register, who is Middle Eastern, says nothing.)

Woman: “You know what? F*** this place. I’m going to [Store across the street] and buy my stuff from Americans!”

(Both of them storm out the door and head across the street. I walk up to the counter.)

Me: “Well, that was interesting.”

Clerk: “They’re not going to like it any better over there.”

Me: “No?”

Clerk: *laughing* “My brother owns that store!”

Reading The Smoke Signal Loud And Clear

| Columbus, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior

(I’m working third-shift in a quiet part of town, when a car pulls up, a man steps out, walks in, and comes up to the counter.)

Customer: “Pack of Marlboro Reds.”

Me: “Sure thing. May I see your ID?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Your ID. I need to see it before I can sell you cigarettes.”

Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me?”

Me: “…no, sir. I need to see ID before I can sell you cigarettes.”

Customer: “Look, I know this is a s***ty little town, but in a real city like Cleveland, they don’t ask people older than 18 for ID for just cigarettes.”

Me: “Sir, I doubt that. I’m abiding by state law, and that applies in Cleveland, too.”

Customer: “Just give me the smokes!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t do that without ID.”

Customer: “You know what? You’re just some dumba** kid who works a s***ty job, and you’ll never amount to anything because you live in this piece of s*** town. If you had a real job or weren’t a total loser, you wouldn’t be such a piece of s*** about this. You won’t ever be anything in life, you f***.”

Me: “That might be true, but, you know what I can do that you can’t?”

Customer: “WHAT?”

(I turn, grab a pack of my brand of cigarettes off the shelf, scan them, pull out my wallet, swipe my card, grab my receipt, open the pack, and slide a cigarette behind my ear, before pocketing the smokes and receipt.)

Me: “I can buy cigarettes here.”

Customer: “F*** YOU!”

(He turns and storms out.)

Me: “Have a great mornin’!”

The Kind Of Customer We Want

, | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(I pull in to a local fast food drive-thru.)

Clerk: *through the speaker* “Hello and thanks for choosing [Company]. What will it be today?”

Me: *I’ve already decided, so I give my order with no hesitation* “I’ll have [order] with a [drink].”

Clerk: *playfully with a sassy tone* “All right! A man who knows what he wants.”

(We finish the order process. I pull around and wait my turn, several cars deep, before I finally get to the window.)

Clerk: “Hey! It’s the man who knows what he wants.”

Me: *jokingly* “I’ve changed my mind.”

Clerk: “Noooooooooo….”

I’ll Take A Groot Beer

| Cambridge, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(Sometimes we get customers in costumes who are in good humour if we name them instead of asking their name. We have a group come in who give themselves some DC-ent and MARVEL-ous names. I’m on the bar, making the drinks.)

Me: *with the Batman cup* “Good luck with the night shifts, Dark Knight.”

Batman: “Cheers!”

Me: *Superman* “Who’s the Man of Steel?”

Superman: “That would be me!”

Me: “Sorry, dude. I don’t have chocolate; is Kryptonite okay?”

Superman: “Go for it. It’s my day off.”

Me: *Rocket cup, looking at the last in the group* “Are you Rocket?”

Rocket: “I am Groot.”

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