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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Don’t Lose Shut-Eye Over A Bad Eye

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Health & Body

    (I’m considered legally blind. I can see, but not well enough to drive, etc. I also have to look very closely when reading, especially small print. It’s something I was born with, so now at age 24 I joke around about it, even with customers, unless, like this guy, you’re a d***head. His credit card won’t read so I’m keying in the numbers manually, and he notices how closely I’m reading.)

    Customer: “I’m surprised they let you work the cash.”

    Me: “They’ve even made me a cashier supervisor, but why do you say that?”

    Customer: “Well, you know, because of your eyes.”

    Me: “What about them?”

    Customer: “Well you have to look so close.”

    Me: “And this is a problem?”

    Customer: “Well… umm…”

    Me: “Tell you what, if you ever see me driving a forklift in the store, then you can comment about my eyes. Until then, don’t lose any sleep over it.”

    The Blade Isn’t As Sharp As The Employee

    | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer comes in with a an 8 1/2″ circular saw blade and he wants to return it.)

    Customer: “This blade isn’t going to work for me.”

    Me: “Oh, do you want to go down and see what would work for you?”

    Customer: “No, I just want to get my money back.”

    Me: “Well, in that case, sir, do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “No, I threw it away.”

    Me: “Oh, let’s see if I can find you in the system.”

    (Our system holds transactions for about three months. It is easy to find a customer if they paid with a card.)

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, sir. I am not able to find you in the system. When did you buy this saw blade?”

    Customer: “I was in here yesterday!”

    (The customer is getting a bit irritated.)

    Me: “Do you have our [Business] rewards card, sir?”

    Customer: “F***, no! Why would I have your s****-a** card?!”

    Me: “In that case, sir, would you hold on a moment? It looks like I’ll need to get my manager because this is not in the system at all.”

    (I call my manager over and he asks all the questions I already did. I notice something is off: we carry this particular brand but we only stock one at a time, which is what the computer says we have currently. Sure enough, when I got to the shelf, that particular blade is missing, I head back up to my manager and pull him aside.)

    Me: *very quietly* “Sir, I have reason to believe that the customer is trying to return a stolen item.”

    (The customer is getting quite fidgety and very annoyed.)

    Manager: *to the customer* “Sir, I’m going to call the cops. Not only did you steal this, you tried to return it by getting what it was worth out of us as well. We have your face and license plate’s number on our cameras.”

    (The man bolted out of the store and ran away leaving the saw blade on the counter. I got 100 bucks for catching a shoplifter!)  

    Their Logic Is Priceless

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a retail store that has deals where if you buy two of certain items, you get both at a discounted price. You cannot buy only one and get it at half the price.)

    Customer: *shows me [Brand] body wash & [Brand] deodorant* “These are the same price and are on for the same ‘buy 2 for $4′ deal. It’ll still go through, right?”

    Me: “We will find out once I scan them in.”

    (I scan each item in individually and no deal shows up. So I ring each item in twice before having to call price check and sure enough, the deal comes off separately PER ITEM.)

    Me: “Sir, it appears the deal is for each item individually. These two cannot be combined.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! They’re the same price and on for the same deal. I should be able to mix and match them!”

    Me: “Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way, unless it’s a deal on the brand. And this time, it’s on the objects. You’d have to buy two deodorants or two body washes to get the deal.”

    Customer: “But that’s ridiculous! THEY’RE THE SAME PRICE ON FOR THE SAME DEAL! Can’t you do anything about that?”

    Me: “Sir, I cannot. The deal is on the items, and not the brand. If you’d like, I can ring you in for two of each and you can pick them up before you leave.”

    Customer: “But if you have a deal on for chips, you can buy one ketchup and one BBQ and still get the deal! Why can’t I do that here?”

    Me: “…because those are both chips. These are not the same item.”

    Customer: “I get that… but they’re the same price!”

    (This went on for a couple more minutes, him using the same logic. He didn’t end up buying the body wash or the deodorant. Moral of the story: you should be able to buy one yoghurt and one dish soap for a discounted price, providing they’re on for the same sale price.)

    Driving Through Adequate Fraud Prevention

    , | Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer walks up to the till. I’m watching the conversation from the kitchen nearby.)

    Customer: *to the cashier* “Could I speak to your manager, please?”

    Manager: *hearing her* “What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “I just came through the drive-thru a few minutes ago, and you forgot my two angus burgers.”

    Manager: “I very much doubt that.”

    (The manager points out the window, where the entire drive-thru and much of the parking lot have been torn up and blocked off for reconstruction. The sound of power tools can be heard even inside the restaurant.)

    Customer: “Um…” *stammers a bit before scurrying out of the store*

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 32

    | Sydney, NSW Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I am finalising a sale with a customer. We have store cards for customers, which give discounts and special offers.)

    Me: “Do you have a VIP card?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Would you like one?”

    Customer: “No, thanks.” *swipes credit card*

    Me: “Sorry, but your card has been declined. Do you have another way of paying?”

    Customer: “No. I’ll come back.” *stops for moment* “I think I will sign up for the store card.”

    (I pass the form to her, fill in her details on the computer, and hand her the store discount card. She hands it straight back to me.)

    Customer: “Use this to pay for my things.”

    Me: “What? No, this isn’t a bank card. It’s a discount card.”

    Customer: “I do not understand. You give me card. I pay for things with card.”

    Me: “This is a store card for customers to get discounts and rewards with.”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “No, you can’t make payments with this card. Go to your bank about your credit card.”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 31
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 30
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 29

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