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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    When Write Is Wrong Is Really Right

    | VA, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

    (I work in a video store. This is years before gift cards. We have to hand-write the amount on a certificate.)

    Customer: “That is not spelled right.”

    Employee #1: *writes void on certificate, and tries again*

    Customer: “It’s still not right.”

    (Employee #1 calls over Employee #2.)

    Employee #2: “Ma’am, I’m sure that’s right.”

    Customer: *agitated* “I demand to speak to a manager.”

    (I come over.)

    Me: “Ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need this certificate for $12 and he keeps spelling it wrong.”

    Me: “Okay. What is the amount of the gift certificate?”

    Employee #1: “$12.”

    Me: “How did you spell it?”

    Employee #1 & #2: “T-W-E-L-V-E.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not the greatest speller, but I’m pretty sure that’s right.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s not.”

    Me: “So that we don’t waste anymore gift certificates, why don’t you write the amount?”

    (The customer snatches the booklet and pen, and starts to fill in the information. When she gets to the amount she stops, confusion on her face.)

    Customer: “How did you spell it again?”

    Employee #1: “T-W-E-L-V-E.”

    Customer: “Oh. I guess you were right…”

    Unharmonious Harmonica

    | CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Musical Mayhem

    (I work in a musical instrument store. On our counters we have small grab-and-go items, including mini harmonicas that some people purchase as pendants for jewelry but also work as an instrument. I have just rung up Customer #1 and am in the middle of ringing Customer #2 when Customer #1 takes one of the harmonicas and starts blowing through it.)

    Me: “Excuse me, sir.Were you planning on purchasing that today?”

    Customer #1: “Of course not. I don’t play harmonica.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but now that you have used that one I have to ask you to buy it.”

    Customer #1: “That’s ridiculous. I was just testing it out.”

    Me: “I’m sorry but it’s for sanitary reasons. I cannot sell that now that you have used it. These are not a demo product.”

    Customer #1: “There’s no sign. Why shouldn’t I try it? I’m not buying that. I don’t need it.”

    Me: “Again, sir, I’m sorry, but now that you’ve put your mouth on it I can’t sell it to anyone else. Would you buy something that required you to put your mouth on it knowing someone else had as well?

    Customer #1: “I don’t have a problem with that.”

    Customer #2: “Well, I do. What if I bought that for my daughter and you had some kind of herpes or something?”

    Customer #1: “Whatever. I’m leaving and never coming back to this f****** store again. No one has ever told me before I couldn’t try them.”

    (Just before he walked away he threw the harmonica he had tried back in the bowl and shook it so I wouldn’t be able to tell which one he had his mouth on. I then had to damage out the whole lot.)

    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 5

    | Dallas, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer in this story, standing next in line while the person ahead is being attended to.)

    Cashier: “Okay, sir. Your total is [amount].”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (The customer pauses and doesn’t move to get his wallet.)

    Cashier: “Sir. Cash or credit?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry. Are you paying with cash, check, or credit card today?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Cashier: “For your groceries, how would you like to pay for them?”

    Customer: “I don’t get it. I only have a debit card.”

    Cashier: “That’s fine. We accept debit as well. Just slide it through the machine here.”

    Customer: “But it’s asking for a credit card. I don’t carry credit cards. People steal those all the time.”

    Cashier: “Sir, the machine will take both credit and debit. I you just follow the prompts…”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It’s asking for a credit card. I refuse to use one.”

    Cashier: “I can 100% guarantee you, sir, that the machine will read your debit card. After you swipe your card, select ‘debit’ and you’ll be done.”

    Customer: *motions to his groceries* “I can’t pay for these with a debit card. What kind of a business is this that doesn’t accept debit?”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t mean to interrupt, but I shop here weekly. They do accept debit cards. Open your eyes and read the machine prompt. It clearly has a DEBIT option.”

    Customer: “It says credit. I don’t have credit!”

    Me: “It’s that green button on the right labeled DEBIT. If you can’t see it, then I don’t think anyone here can help you.”

    (At this point the customer walks out and leaves eight full bags of groceries behind, muttering how confused he was that the store didn’t accept debit cards. The cashier has to load the bags into a cart and wait on another associate before ringing me up.)

    Me: “That probably happens way more often than it really should.”

    Cashier: “We have a pool going to see how high we can hit in a week. So far I’m at five and it’s only Wednesday.”

    Related:
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 4
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 3
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 2

    Doesn’t Know Beans About Listening

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as a cashier in restaurant with a store attached. All purchases, either food or merchandise, are done through me. When a customer finishes their meal, they bring me a receipt to pay for their meal, along with any other things they feel like buying. Like many stores, we have an item we try to sell to every customer who comes through the line. Its currently jelly beans.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! How are you today? Did [Server] take good care of you?”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah. She was great.”

    Me: “Is that everything for you today? Would you like to add on any jelly beans today? We have a bunch of different kinds, with just about every flavor.”

    Customer: “Yes, please. Seven.”

    Me: *shocked* “Seven, sir? Absolutely. which kind would you like? We have the regular 20 flavors, sour, ice cream, smoothie…”

    (I proceed to list every bag I can think of.)

    Customer: “What? No. I want to add seven.”

    Me: “Yes, sir, but I need to know what kind you want.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? I. Want. To. Add. Seven.”

    Me: “Seven what?!”

    Customer: “DOLLARS.”

    Me: “Sir, are you referring to a tip? You want to add seven dollars for your server?”

    Customer: “Yes! What else would I be talking about?”

    Me: “Well, sir, I had just asked if you would like to add any jelly beans to your purchase today…”

    Not Drinking This Information In

    , | Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “I would like the #1 Combo”

    Me: “And your beverage?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Your beverage?” *points at cup*

    Customer: *frustrated* “YES.”

    Me: “What would you like to drink, sir?”

    Customer: “STOP ASKING! I’VE ALREADY TOLD YOU I WANTED A DRINK!”

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