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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    All Fired Up And Fried Up

    | Medicine Hat, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I have a headset on to assist drive-thru…)

    Cashier: “You had the burger and a coke. Any fries today?”

    Customer: *grumpy*: “No fries!”

    Cashier: “Okay. And what size for your drink?”

    Customer: “NO FRIES!”

    Cashier: “I know, but what size for your drink? Small, medium, or large?”

    Customer: “I said NO FRIES!”

    Cashier: “Okay. The burger and a coke…”

    Customer: “LISTEN, YOU LITTLE B****! I said I didn’t want fries! Don’t you f****** listen?!”

    (She drives up to the first window and I’m ticked off, so I take it. She hands me her credit card.)

    Me: “DON’T SWEAR AT MY COWORKERS!”

    Customer: “Well, she wasn’t listening!”

    Me: “Yes, she was. You didn’t. She asked what size of drink. She didn’t say a damn word about fries after you said you didn’t want any.”

    Customer: “I want your manager.”

    (I call for manager.)

    Customer: “I want—”

    Me: “Nope. You want the manager, not me, so you’re getting the manager.” *I still have her card so she can’t leave*

    (The manager comes and the customer complains about my attitude to her. The manager says exactly what I did, not to swear at us, it’s her own fault, and not to come back. Haven’t seen her since.)

    A Case Of Case Stupidity

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work as a cashier at a well known game store. A husband, wife, and child come up to the register and I ring up the game they want. Note that we only display cases and not the games.)

    Me: “Your total is [total].”

    (The man pays, while the wife opens up the empty game case she has been holding.)

    Wife: “Where is the game?”

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Wife: “My husband just paid for the game and the game is not in here.”

    (She holds open the display case pointing inside.)

    Me: “Ma’am, those cases are for display only. I put the game in the bag with the receipt.”

    Wife: “NO! He paid for this game and it is not in here. I want this game.”

    Me: *I show her the sealed game from the bag* “See, ma’am, the game is right here and sealed.”

    Wife: “You shouldn’t have these things here if you don’t put games in them right when we pay.”

    (The family then leaves. I turn to my assistant manager.)

    Me: “Did she really think we magically send the game into an empty case?”

    Assist. Manager: “Yep, and we will be getting a call about it later, too. Watch.”

    (Sure enough, right before closing the wife called the store to complain about the game not showing up in the case she was holding.)

    A Chequered Credit History

    | GA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (We had just stopped taking checks the day before. A customer walks in, and starts writing a check.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t accept checks. You can pay with cash, or a debit or credit card.”

    Customer: “Do you know who I am? My family has owned ALL of the pharmacies here in town for the last hundred years!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Our system won’t allow checks. You’ll have to pay with another option.”

    Customer: “My family has more money than this whole mall!”

    (The customer then pulls out a credit card to pay.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Your card was declined.”

    (The customer walked out of the store without saying another word.)

    Needs Oil On This Troubled Water

    | QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (I watch a fancy BMW pull up to the entrance to the fuel station. An old rich-looking man gets out and walks into the store.)

    Me: “Hey, how’s it going?”

    Customer: “Yeah, good.”

    Me: “What can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “I need to get some oil for my car.”

    Me: “Yup, all of our oils are on the rack beside you.”

    Customer: “Can you tell me what oil I need for my car?”

    Me: “I don’t know sir, and I’m not allowed to recommend anything. Company policy.”

    Customer: “You’re a fuel station and you can’t recommend me the correct oil I need for my car?”

    Me: “That is correct, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, I think that is completely stupid.”

    (The customer grabs a random bottle of oil from rack and pays for it.)

    Customer: “I’ll use this one, and if it’s wrong I’ll come back and sue you.”

    Me: “And THAT is why we can’t recommend one for you, sir!”

    Argument Cut Short

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I am both a meat-cutter and a cook, and I’m known among regulars for being the best. Some people don’t know me, and therefore don’t trust my work because I’m female.)

    Customer: *on her phone* “Hi. Can I have half a pound of moist?”

    Me: “Absolutely!”

    (I cut a perfectly good, though darkened by smoke, piece.)

    Customer: *still on her phone* “That doesn’t look very moist.”

    (I decide this is no time for an argument and cut another half pound. I grab it and also grab a small piece of the previous half for her to taste, offering it upon arrival at register. The customer, who is STILL on her phone, tries it, nods approval, smiles, and gives me a thumbs up.)

    Me: “That’s the one you DIDN’T want.”

    Customer: *realizes she can’t reasonably turn down the second lot for the first* “You know, give me another half.”

    Me: “You want that one?” *points at the refused meat*

    Customer: “Yes,  Yes, please.”

    Me: “All right, no problem!”

    (Of the many times I’ve had someone complain about meat they never even tried, that was the first I’d ever managed to turn it around. I’ve gotta say, it made my day!)

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