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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Super Friends

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

    (A group of friends of mine stop by the store where I work. As a joke all of them come to my lane to ‘make me earn my pay’ for the night. A customer with her son tries cutting them all and jumps in the front.)

    Customer: “Hurry up! I’m a very important person! I have things to do.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be glad to check you out before each of these gentlemen that you cut if you ask each of them what they do and honestly think that what you do is more important.”

    Customer: “FINE!” *turns to Friend #1* “And what do you do?”

    Friend #1: “I train soldiers at [local military base] who are willing to fight for your freedom.”

    Customer: “… Oh.” *turns to Friend #2* “What about you?”

    Friend #2: “I’m a firefighter.”

    Customer: “… Um.” *skips Friend #3 and #4 and goes to #5* “And you?”

    Friend #5: “I do cancer research.”

    (The customer gives up. I proceed to checkout everyone accordingly and the customer pays and bolts out the door.)

    Me: “Have I ever told you guys how proud I am to actually know you guys? Wonder why she didn’t ask [Friend #3] and [Friend #4]?”

    Friend #3: “Well… she’s a waitress where I eat lunch while I’m on patrol… so she knows I’m a cop!”

    Friend #4: “I… I can’t actually say!”

    Friend #5: “Fine! I will! Her son came up to [Friend #4] and asked how working at [medical practice where Friend #4 is shadowing] is going. She sees him at her kid’s pediatrician!”

    No Credit For Offering Help

    | VA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I am ringing up an older customer at a grocery store. When it is time to pay she swipes her debit card. She wants to use it as credit and in order to do this, you have to press the red button and hit credit when the machine asks for your pin. The customer keeps putting in her pin and then tells me she wants to do credit, so I have to cancel her card numerous times.)

    Me: “Ma’am, if you want to use your card as credit, press the red button when it asks for your pin then press credit.”

    (The customer ignores me and continues to type in her pin so I turn the machine around to help her.)

    Customer: “How about you stay back there and do what you’re supposed to do and let me do what I’m supposed to do! You obviously don’t know what you’re talking about!”

    (I sit there and watch her struggle with it for a couple more minutes.)

    Customer: “ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME OR WHAT?!”

    Double Take Required

    | Wausau, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I’m rather short, 5’3″, a bit heavy, and have short black hair and dark eyes. My coworker is lean, tall, almost 5’10″, and has red hair and hazel eyes. The only similarity we have is that we both wear glasses. Even on this day I was wear a black uniform top and she was wearing a pink one, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month. We just switched off so she can go home.  I hop on the register.)

    Customer: *coming up to the checkout* “I couldn’t find it. Are you sure it’s there?”

    Me: “Um, what are you looking for?”

    Customer: *getting angry* “I already told you! Did you really just forget? Honestly!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I just started my shift.”

    Customer: “No! I just talked to you! You told me where I could find this!” *thrusts a small plastic bag with a jewelry finding in it*

    Me: “Oh! Jewelry findings are the first row of jewelry and go straight back to the wall, ma’am.”

    Customer: “That’s not what you said before!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I just got here.”

    Manager: *coming up since she heard the yelling* “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “This cashier is being rude and is lying to me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry my coworker has told you the wrong section, but she was the one that helped you. I just started.”

    Customer: “Right there! Lying!”

    Manager: “Actually, she’s right. She did just clock in.”

    Customer: “Oh… well… You two just look so much alike!” *storms off*

    Manager: “Who did you relieve?”

    Me: “[Coworker].”

    Manager: “YOU TWO LOOK NOTHING ALIKE! AND SHE’S IN PINK!”

    Inex-spews-able Behavior, Part 2

    | IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I am working in the box office during the day, when we are usually fairly slow. Because of this, I don’t mind waiting on customers to decide what show they want to see, provided they wait off to the side and don’t obstruct my line.)

    Customer #1: *walks in and stands directly in front of my register, looking at showtimes*

    Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

    Customer #1: *coughing and choking* “H-hi.” *hack* “I’m g-*hack*-good.”

    (She continues to stand there, coughing and occasionally retching. At this point, a second customer comes in and stands behind her, very patiently waiting for his turn.)

    Customer #1: “I’ll take *hack* one for *retch*…”

    (Customer #1 then proceeds to vomit all over my counter, leaving a huge puddle of phlegm right in front of the hole through which money and tickets are exchanged. My second customer, who has been trying not to look as disgusted as I feel, runs into the main building to inform the manager of what has happened, since I can’t use my radio with Customer #1 still standing there.)

    Customer #1: “Sorry. I’d like one ticket for—” *retches and spits up more vomit on the floor* “One for [Movie], please.”

    Me: *trying not to lose my own breakfast* “That’ll be [price], please…”

    (Customer #1 proceeds to hand me her rewards card and credit card over her own vomit puddle. I try to process the order without touching her cards more than necessary, and without sticking her ticket into the puddle.)

    Me: “Enjoy… enjoy your show.”

    Manager: *opening the door to the box office* “Are you okay, [My Name]?”

    Customer #1: “Yeah… Sorry.” *hack*

    Me: “Eww… Can I go wash my hands?”

    Manager: “Yeah, go ahead and go on break. I’ll clean this up…”

    (I didn’t realize it at the time, but my second customer was a regular that suffers from throat cancer and was unable to explain what had happened. He can’t speak, and doesn’t understand English very well, so he usually writes down the movie he wants to see. My manager thought that I was the one that had gotten sick!)

    Related:
    Inex-spews-able Behavior

    Pot Calling The Kettle Black, Slowly

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I’m working the drive-thru. I’ve just finished taking an order that took about a minute and a half to get down as the customer was unsure of what they wanted and ordered some items requiring clarifications. I talk to the next car in the line.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to—”

    Customer: “I’d just like to say that I waited too d*** long. It’s awful how long I’ve had to wait and I sat there waiting so long and all I want are two ice cream cones!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. Your total is [total] at the first window. Please—”

    (The customer drives forward as I’m still talking and ultimately ignores me.)

    Me: *at the window* “Hi, that’ll be [total].”

    Customer: “I didn’t mean to sound rude, but that wait was far too long!”

    Me: “And again, I’m sorry about that, but the wait is also a matter of the customer ahead of you.”

    Customer: “That was still too long! Do you know how much gas I probably wasted just sitting there, waiting? Any other business would be ashamed of making me wait that long!”

    (There is a pause as the customer then digs through her purse for her wallet. After maybe a minute, during which other customers have lined up behind her, waiting to pay:)

    Customer: “What was my total?”


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