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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 4

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Hi, can I get a [sandwich]?”

    Me: “Sure, that’ll be [price].”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m the owner’s brother. I always get a discount.”

    Me: “You’re the owner’s brother?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “No, you’re not.”

    Customer: “How do you know, you f****** b****?”

    Me: “I’m an only child.”

    (I then point to a photo of myself on the wall, with the word ‘OWNER’ just below it.)

    Me: “Full price then?”

    Customer: “…yeah.”

    Related:
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 3
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 2
    Getting Owned By The Owner

    Fast Food And Speed Dating

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Love/Romance

    Me: “Okay, you want a hamburger, hold the onions, with mustard and regular fries.”

    Customer: “That’s right.”

    Me: “Can I have a date?”

    Customer: “Oh no, you’re much too old for me.”

    Me: “A birth date. So we can call out your order. Like October 22nd?”

    (After the customer leaves, the owner turns to me.)

    Owner: “She could have at least lied and said she was already with someone.”

    Stripped Of All Pretensions

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money

    (My aunt sells antiques, mainly small things like Victorian era toys. She has just sold a stuffed bear for $70. The customer hands her 70 single dollar bills.)

    Aunt: *joking* “Singles? What, are you a stripper?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    (After my aunt’s stunned silence, the girl and she started talking. The customer was really cool about it, and not embarrassed or upset by the comment. Apparently, thanks to her profession, she pretty much pays for everything with $1 bills!)

    Loyal Spoil

    | MO, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    Customer: “I want to order this product. Since I’m a loyal customer, can I have free shipping?”

    Me: “No, I apologize that free shipping is only on select products, and those products are advertised as such on the website.”

    Customer: “But, [Competitor] has a similar product with free shipping. Can you make an exception?”

    Me: “No, I apologize that I can’t.”

    Customer: “Guess I’m going to [Competitor] then!”

    Me: “Thank you for being a ‘loyal’ customer!”

    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 3

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    (The store is small and only has four cash registers. Three are open, and I am at the fourth doing a return for a customer, Customer #1.)

    Me: “…and here’s your change. Sorry that the bread was bad.”

    Customer #1: “No worries, these things happen.”

    (Suddenly, another customer, Customer #2, with a full cart appears and starts unloading onto the till conveyer belt. Note that my light is off and there’s a ‘Closed’ sign on the belt.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry sir, but my till is closed.”

    Customer #2: “Too f***ing bad.”

    Me: “…Beg pardon?”

    Customer #2: “Just put me the f*** through so I can go home!”

    (I look at the other tills. All are open, with no other customers at any of them.)

    Me: “I’m not actually a cashier; I’m just the closing manager. I have other things to do, so I really do need you to go to another till.”

    Customer #2: *still unloading* “Listen, you little s***! I’ll f***ing choose the godd*** till I f***ing want!”

    (I’m totally speechless at Customer #2′s behavior, but thankfully Customer #1 intervenes.)

    Customer #1: “Excuse me, but what the h*** is your problem? He’s given you a good reason why he can’t put you through this till, and you’re blatantly ignoring it while being incredibly rude.”

    Customer #2: “All those other tills are too far away!”

    Me: “The next till is three feet over…”

    (Thankfully, in the end he did move.)

    Related:
    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 2
    Lack of Register Does Not Register


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