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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Someone Got The Crazy Card

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Money

    Customer: “Check-in, please.”

    Me: “Okay. ID and credit card…”

    (The customer takes both out and starts to hand them over, but then hesitates.)

    Customer: “Okay…”

    (She hands them over and I swipe her card and check her ID, then hand them back.)

    Customer: “What did you do just then?!”

    Me: “I… uh… swiped your card.”

    Customer: “Your computer just read my information!”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: *panicking* “That means that now my credit card number is on your computer! How do I KNOW that you won’t take it and go off on a shopping spree?!”

    Me: “We don’t do that, ma’am.”

    Customer: “How do I KNOW you all won’t?! I don’t know you! I don’t know any of you all!”

    Me: “Because if we did, we’d get fired…”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “And none of us want to lose our jobs over that…”

    Customer: *looks unconvinced*

    Me: “Plus, identity theft is a crime so we’d go to jail?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “So, none of us want to go to jail. Because… it’s full of… crazy people.”

    Customer: “…Fine. I guess I trust you!”

    Can Tell You Are Closed With My Eyes Closed

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I am at the end of my nine-hour shift as a cashier on a busy Saturday, and am just finishing up with the last customer in my line. My register’s light is off, there is a closed sign at the end of my belt, and my last customer has kindly put up a large closed sign that stretches across the entrance of the lane and blocks access to my till.)

    Customer #1: *as I ring up his items* “You look tired. You must be excited to go home?”

    Me: “Yes. It’s been a long day.”

    (I look up to see a customer climbing over the large closed sign, nearly tripping and spilling his overflowing basket of the items, and heading towards my belt.)

    Me: “Sir! I’m sorry but my till is closed.”

    Customer #2: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?”

    Customer #1: “Seriously?”

    The Argument Has No Legs To Stand On

    , | Indianapolis, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Top

    (The marathon was earlier this morning. I am in line behind a customer who ran in it. The cashier is sitting down, while serving patrons.)

    Customer: “I don’t have time for this. My legs are killing me. I ran the marathon this morning, and you can’t even bother standing at a cash register for one day!”

    (The cashier wheels himself out from behind the register. It becomes clear he has no legs.)

    Cashier: “P***y.”

    A Continuous Sauce Of Stress

    , | Montgomery, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Give me an extra sauce.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but I have to charge you an additional 28 cents.”

    Customer: “I come here all the time! Just give me the f****** sauce!”

    (I’ve worked there for three years both day and night shift and have never seen this lady.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t give you the extra sauce unless you purchase it.”

    (The lady digs in her purse and pulls out some change. I hand her the sauce.)

    Customer: “Can I have a cup of water?”

    Me: “We charge for our cups as well. It would be 28 cents.”

    (I’m trying to hold back a smile as the customer glares at me.)

    Customer: “Have a good f****** night, b****!”

    (I smile at her politely.)

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am! I hope you have a wonderful evening as well!”

    Taking A Swipe At Common Sense

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working as a cashier during Easter weekend at a popular retail shop. I have a long line but am getting people rung out quickly. A customer in her early 30s is next in line.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you doing today?”

    (The customer puts her items on the belt, and doesn’t say a word to me.)

    Me: *rings up her order* “Okay, that will be [total].”

    Customer: *swipes her card very fast* “Why isn’t this working?!”

    (She swipes the card back and forth quickly. All the while the machine beeps to inform us that it cannot read her card, because she is swiping it too fast.)

    Me: “Oh, you need to swipe it slower so the machine can read your card.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *continues swiping too fast, back and forth* “Your machine is broken! It won’t accept my card!”

    Me: “You just need to swipe it a little slower.”

    Customer: “I AM SWIPING IT! YOUR STUPID MACHINE WON’T TAKE MY CARD!”

    (She proceeds to keep swiping it back and forth just as fast as before and is getting a bit rough with the machine.)

    Customer: “SEE!? IT WON’T WORK!”

    Me: “Would you like me to try and swipe the card back here? Sometimes the front one doesn’t work but mine will.”

    Customer: “All right… Wait, you’re the store who got hacked, right?”

    (I get asked this a lot. During last year’s Christmas shopping season a bunch of credit and debit cards were hacked. People are still cautious about the security breach.)

    Me: “Yes, but we have taken care of the issue and your card is safe to use now.”

    Customer: “I don’t want my card hacked.”

    Me: “As I said, your card is safe.”

    Customer: “I don’t want my information stolen!”

    Me: “Yes, I understand, but we took care of the issue. I’ve used my card here plenty of times since it was fixed and no one has stolen money from me.”

    Customer: “Well, that is because you are an employee. They wouldn’t steal money from someone who works for them.”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “[Store] wouldn’t steal money from the people who work for them.”

    Me: “Oh, no. It wasn’t [Store] that hacked into people’s accounts. It was a hacker.”

    Customer: “But I bet you got a huge paycheck during that time when you were stealing money.”

    Me: “Yes, my paycheck was bigger but that was only because there were more hours to go around. [Store] didn’t steal any money.”

    (My manager comes over to see why I was taking so long.)

    Manager: “Is something wrong, [My Name]?”

    Customer: “I’m just making sure your employee doesn’t steal my card information. She asked to swipe it in the card reader behind her because the front one isn’t working. I don’t want my information stolen!”

    (I explain to my manger why I asked to swipe her card with my card reader and why she thinks I am trying to steal her information.)

    Manager: “As my employee said, [Store] didn’t steal anyone’s money. It was a hacker. I myself was a victim of the breach.”

    Customer: “But you work here! They couldn’t steal money from you! You’re just lying so you can get away with stealing more people’s money!”

    Manager: “I assure you, we are not trying to steal your money.”

    Customer: “But your employee is trying to take my card!”

    Manager: “Why don’t you try swiping your card again in the front card reader?”

    Customer: *swipes her card fast again, then a few more times violently* “See?! It won’t work! Your employee must have broken the machine so she could copy my card information into the database!”

    Manager: “Try swiping it a bit slower.”

    (My manager motions over the card reader at the right pace. The customer slides her card again and it goes through.)

    Customer: “It worked! Thank goodness you were here to prevent your employee from stealing my information!” *looks at me* “All you kids are thieves. I hope you get fired for this!”

    Me: “Er… have a nice day.”

    (I hands her her bags and she leaves.)

    Manager: “Don’t worry. You aren’t going to be fired for her ignorance.”

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