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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Getting Chesty

    | Wyoming, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Underaged

    (I work in a local chain tobacco store. I am in my 40s. A very young looking man comes in my store with a small child.)

    Customer: “Can I get a pack of [Brand] cigarettes?”

    Me: “Can I see your ID?

    Customer: “I left my wallet at home.

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the law requires I ask for a valid picture ID. No ID means no sale.”

    Customer: *testy* “I have a four-year-old kid! I think that proves I am old enough to buy cigs!”

    Me: “Even kids too young to smoke can make a baby.”

    Customer: *literally rips his shirt open* “For Christ’s sake I HAVE CHEST HAIR!”

    Me: “Yup. You have about a dozen of them. Congrats.”

    (The customer takes the child’s hand and storms out, cussing and complaining about me being rude.)

    Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number, Part 2

    | QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Money, Technology

    (It’s Friday afternoon, and I am a customer waiting for my prescriptions in the waiting area of my pharmacy. The customer ahead of me, a gruff older man, is getting upset with the cashier over a problem with the card reader.)

    Customer: “I’m telling you, it’s not my card. It’s your machine!”

    Cashier: “Sir, you have to enter your PIN correctly—”

    Customer: “I KNOW how to enter my PIN! Your machines are wrong! This doesn’t happen to me anywhere else.”

    Cashier: “I don’t know what to tell you, sir. My machine has been functioning properly all day. Your transaction failed after you entered your PIN. Would you like to try it again?”

    Customer: “If I try it again, you better MAKE it work right! [Financial Institution] is going to freeze my card if I keep trying. I’m going away for the weekend so I NEED my card to work!”

    Cashier: “Well, I can’t put in your PIN for you, sir. So I can’t guarantee you it will work.”

    Customer: “This has happened the last two times I’ve been in here! I’ve been a customer here for 30 years and you’re saying it’s MY fault? Your machines are wrong! And now my card is going to be frozen until Monday!”

    Cashier: “I don’t know what else to tell you, sir. Let me get my manager.”

    (The cashier pages the manager, who arrives promptly.)

    Manager: “I understand there’s some trouble with your card, sir?”

    Customer: “The machine is messing up. It’s NOT my PIN. My card is going to be frozen and I’m going away this weekend!”

    Manager: “I understand, sir. If you have time to wait, I’ll call [Financial Institution, which is also responsible for card reader] and try to find out what’s going on.”

    (My manager dials the phone and explains the situation to tech support.)

    Manager: *on phone* “Uh-huh. I see.”

    Customer: “Ask them if my card is frozen!”

    Manager: *on phone* “So there’s no problem with our system? Alright. Thank you.”

    Customer: “Oh, wait. My PIN on this card is five digits. I only entered four!”

    Related:
    Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number

    Not Just The Cream Turning Sour

    | Wichita, KS, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (This week, we’re running a deal on a certain brand of sour cream. A customer starts loading her groceries onto the belt.)

    Me: “Hi! Is that it for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, dear! That’s all.”

    (I make small talk with her while I’m ringing her out. Then I notice that she has two tubs of the sour cream on sale.)

    Me: “I have some good news! We’re running an awesome special on this sour cream right now. If you want to grab another one, it’ll be free.”

    (The customer freezes and stares at me, her eyes wide.)

    Customer: “…excuse me?”

    Me: “Er, it’s three-for-two? We have a refurbi—”

    Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER RIGHT NOW!”

    (I ring my manager immediately, because her transformation was, frankly, terrifying.)

    Manager: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “This little c*** tried to charge me for three tubs of sour cream! Do you treat all of your customers this way? Do you ENJOY ripping people OFF and GUTTING THEM of their HARD-EARNED MONEY?”

    Manager: *turns to me* “What?”

    Me: “The three-for-two!” *I turn to the customer again* “Ma’am, I was trying to explain that you can get three for the price of two.”

    Customer: “C***! You just enjoy watching other people’s money get snatched away. You don’t care.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I promise. I wasn’t—”

    Manager: “Okay, okay. Everyone calm down.”

    (My manager nudges me toward the break room.)

    Manager: “I’ll finish up here.”

    (The customer shrieks as I make my way to the break room, demanding that I be prosecuted for larceny and threatening to call the police. Even when I am in the break room, I can still hear her. I call my girlfriend, hoping she can calm me down. My girlfriend also works in the store.)

    Girlfriend: “Wait. Wait. Does this woman have purple glasses?”

    Me: “…yes.”

    Girlfriend: “Oh, my God. Yeah, babe. I’m gonna go out and buy you a nice bottle of wine; how’s that?”

    (As it turns out, that woman had gone off on three other employees, including my girlfriend, on our old manager’s watch. She had been banned from the store until our new manager was hired. She actually tried to sue one of the cashiers for larceny!)

    In Line And Out Of Line, Part 2

    | USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m standing in line at a Black Friday sale, waiting to check out my purchases. We’ve been standing about 45 minutes as the lines are very, VERY long. There is a man all by himself, with no cart and no purchases, standing two customers in front of me. All of a sudden his wife pulls two carts over, with their daughter pushing another one. All three carts are filled completely. They push through the line and get in with him. One of the customers in the line speaks up.)

    Customer #1: “Hey! You can’t just cut in line like that. We’ve been waiting an hour. Get to the back!”

    Cutting Customer: “F*** you! It’s not my fault you don’t know how to shop. Mind your own f****** business!”

    Me: “Excuse me. Would you mind watching your language? I don’t want my son to hear that.”

    Cutting Customer: “You can kiss my a**, b****! That little p**** is going to learn it one way or the other. He’s an ugly little SOB with that hair cut, anyway!”

    My Son: “I’m growing my hair to donate to kids with cancer, like my best friend!”

    (The cutting customer’s daughter decides to speak up.)

    Cutting Customer’s Daughter: “Your little f** friend should just die. Why do they give them treatments for that s*** anyway? I hope he dies, you little a**-wipe.”

    (My four-year-old son starts crying, asking me if his friend is going to die. I try to calm him down. Meanwhile, my friend gets the manager of the store.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, this woman just told me what you said to her son and that you cut in line. I’m going to ask you once to please move to the back of the line; otherwise, you’ll need to leave the store.”

    Cutting Customer: “Now, you look here! You can’t make us move. We’re buying more than $1000 worth of stuff here! And that b**** and her snot nosed kid got what they deserved.”

    (The manager gets on his walkie-talkie and has security escort them out. Upon the managers and several customers suggestions, we file verbal harassment charges on the customers who cut in. The manager made a donation for $500 to the charity that my son’s friend had out in my son’s name. We cut his hair three months later, donating 18 inches, which they made into a wig. His friend made a full recovery, by the way. They both donate their hair about every five years.)

    Related:
    In Line And Out Of Line

    Please Turn Down The Gravity

    | Washington, DC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I work as a courtesy clerk and bag boy at a grocery store. My state has recently started charging people for store-provided paper or plastic bags. Whenever possible, I try to fit all the customers’ items into the reusable bags that they give me. In this case, the customer only hands me one reusable canvas bag. I have just finished packing it as full as it will go, when the customer’s wife joins us at the register.)

    Customer’s Wife: “Oh, that bag is way too heavy. Neither of us will be able to lift it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. Would you like me to get another bag and re-pack these items for you?”

    Customer’s Wife: “Yes, please.”

    (The customer’s wife hands me another reusable canvas bag. I finish bagging their groceries, distributing the items as evenly as I can between the two bags. I then put the bags into their shopping cart, to make room on the counter so that I can start bagging the next person’s items.)

    Customer’s Wife: “Oh, no. These bags are still too heavy. We still won’t be able to lift them.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry about that. I can get you some of the paper bags that the store provides, and help you re-bag your items again.”

    Customer’s Wife: “No, no. I don’t think we need any more bags. We just need these bags to be less heavy!”


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