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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Please Be Civil To Partnerships

    | Bury St. Edmunds, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

    (I’m male. I’m chatting away to Customer #1 whilst scanning her items. We are talking about cakes.)

    Customer #1: “My husband doesn’t like the walnut one.”

    Me: *laughing* “Nor does my boyfriend. It means I can eat as much as I want in front of him and not have to sha—”

    Customer #1: “Your boyfriend? That’s disgusting. I didn’t realise [Company] hired your type!”

    (At this point, Customer #2, a sweet little old lady who has been waiting in the queue, speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “You leave him alone! He’s been nothing but helpful and you were happy to chat to him when you thought he was straight. Besides, I’ve seen him and his boyfriend in town, and he’s bloody gorgeous!”

    Customer #1: “Well! I never!”

    (She pays and flounces away.)

    Customer #2: *to me* “You tell that boyfriend of yours that I think you two look very happy together and may you be together a long time.”

    Me: “Thank you! I will!”

    (Months later, when my boyfriend and I decided to get a civil partnership, Customer #2 screamed with joy when I told her!)

    Doesn’t Drink, Period

    | Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m second in a queue to pay and the customer in front of me is an older lady wanting a bottle of whiskey. They are kept behind the counter. The owner of the store is a very polite Muslim gentleman in traditional dress. I love this store; it has a little bit of everything and the owner has a great sense of humour. The woman is asking lots of questions about the strength of the whiskey and the prices.)

    Customer: “But what about the Glen Moray? What percentage is that?”

    Owner: “Its 40.”

    Customer: “And the price?”

    Owner: “£20.”

    Customer: “And the Jameson?”

    Owner: “It’s also 40% and £20.”

    Customer: “And how much is the Teachers?”

    Owner: “£20.”

    Customer: “But is it stronger?”

    Owner: “No, it’s 40% as well.”

    (Each time she asks about a whiskey the owner has to climb up a little ladder to check and he’s not a young gentleman. But he does it smiling all the time.)

    Customer: “What’s that there? Canadian Club?”

    Owner: “Yes it is also £20 and 40% proof.”

    Customer: “I just don’t know. What do they taste like? Which one’s the nicest?”

    (I should point out at this point that it became obvious that this lady was not a connoisseur. But was looking for the strongest whiskey to add to the 4 bottles of cheap strong wine she had in her basket.)

    Owner: “I’m sorry. I do not drink so I don’t know the taste.”

    Customer: *looking disgusted* “How on earth can you sell alcohol when you don’t even drink?”

    Me: *taps lady on shoulder* “Well, he sells tampons, too. I hope you don’t expect him to use them!”

    (The customer quietly pays and leaves.)

    Someone Got The Crazy Card

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Money

    Customer: “Check-in, please.”

    Me: “Okay. ID and credit card…”

    (The customer takes both out and starts to hand them over, but then hesitates.)

    Customer: “Okay…”

    (She hands them over and I swipe her card and check her ID, then hand them back.)

    Customer: “What did you do just then?!”

    Me: “I… uh… swiped your card.”

    Customer: “Your computer just read my information!”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: *panicking* “That means that now my credit card number is on your computer! How do I KNOW that you won’t take it and go off on a shopping spree?!”

    Me: “We don’t do that, ma’am.”

    Customer: “How do I KNOW you all won’t?! I don’t know you! I don’t know any of you all!”

    Me: “Because if we did, we’d get fired…”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “And none of us want to lose our jobs over that…”

    Customer: *looks unconvinced*

    Me: “Plus, identity theft is a crime so we’d go to jail?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “So, none of us want to go to jail. Because… it’s full of… crazy people.”

    Customer: “…Fine. I guess I trust you!”

    Can Tell You Are Closed With My Eyes Closed

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I am at the end of my nine-hour shift as a cashier on a busy Saturday, and am just finishing up with the last customer in my line. My register’s light is off, there is a closed sign at the end of my belt, and my last customer has kindly put up a large closed sign that stretches across the entrance of the lane and blocks access to my till.)

    Customer #1: *as I ring up his items* “You look tired. You must be excited to go home?”

    Me: “Yes. It’s been a long day.”

    (I look up to see a customer climbing over the large closed sign, nearly tripping and spilling his overflowing basket of the items, and heading towards my belt.)

    Me: “Sir! I’m sorry but my till is closed.”

    Customer #2: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?”

    Customer #1: “Seriously?”

    The Argument Has No Legs To Stand On

    , | Indianapolis, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Top

    (The marathon was earlier this morning. I am in line behind a customer who ran in it. The cashier is sitting down, while serving patrons.)

    Customer: “I don’t have time for this. My legs are killing me. I ran the marathon this morning, and you can’t even bother standing at a cash register for one day!”

    (The cashier wheels himself out from behind the register. It becomes clear he has no legs.)

    Cashier: “P***y.”

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