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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Got To Give Him Credit For Trying, Part 2

    | Montgomery, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (The credit card machines are down at the fast food place I work for. I am taking orders on the headset.)

    Me: “Thank you for stopping at [Fast Food]. Our credit card machines are currently down so we are only accepting cash right now.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s fine. I don’t have a credit card. I have a debit card.”

    Me: *trying to hold back laughter* “I’m sorry; ma’am, but we can’t accept a debit card either.”

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    Got To Give Him Credit For Trying

    Not Going According To Phone Plan

    , | Macedonia, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Technology

    (I work in a small-scale electronics store and am the only female sales associate in the place. We get paid largely on commission, and specialize in cellular phones. I helped a gentleman in his 50s set up his phone plan.)

    Me: “Well, sir, your plan is almost ready to go. Now I just need some information on who the other phone line is for and we’ll be all set.”

    Customer: *winks creepily* “The other phone is for my son. Good looking kid in his twenties going to law school. You’re a smart girl; save his number and give him a call. You’d be well taken care of.”

    Me: *laughs awkwardly* “I will keep that in mind, sir. In the mean time, let’s get your phone plan taken care of so you can be on your way.”

    Customer: *frantically dials his new phone* “Robert?! It’s Dad. Come to the [Store] right now! There is a girl here you should meet.” *pauses for son’s response* I’d say a six. Hard eight if she put in a little effort.”

    Russian Into Things

    | AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests

    (One evening a very obviously young teenager (15 or 16) comes in and tries to buy a pornographic magazine. After I inform him I can’t sell to him without seeing an ID he sticks around and starts chatting me up. I am a very tall woman in my mid-twenties while he was very short and petite.)

    Kid: “You know, the main reason I wanted to buy a magazine is because I’ve been deprived of the company of women for most of my life. You see…” *he leans up against the counter, looks around the room and says in a stage whisper* “…I was trained from birth in a Russian compound to be a deadly assassin.”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Go on…”

    Kid: “I’m the best there is at the trade. I became the youngest secret KGB agent.”

    Me: “The KGB actually hasn’t existed for several years now.”

    Kid: *nodding gravely* “That’s because I took them all out when I went rogue. Since then I’ve been freelancing. But now that I have more money than I know what to do with, I’ve been thinking about getting out of the game. You know, finding a beautiful woman and settling down in my French chateau. What do you say? Want me to take you away from all this?”

    Me: *having serious trouble keeping a straight face* “That’s very sweet. But aren’t I a little too old for you? Not to mention I’m nearly two feet taller.”

    Kid: “That’s okay. That’s the way we like ‘em in Russia!”

    Me: “Kid, you are one cocky little s***. If you weren’t underage I’d buy you a drink.”

    Kid: “Well, if you come with me we can go to a country where the legal drinking age is much lower. You know, in Russia I’ve already reached the age of consent. If you get my drift…”

    Me: “Thanks, but I’m afraid I’ll have to pass.”

    Kid: *sigh* “Oh well it, was worth a try. Do svidaniya!”

    Last Name Last Thought

    | Franklin, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers

    (I’ve worked retail for years, but this is my turn at being the clueless customer. This store can look up your membership card with your name and phone number. I am currently wearing my name tag, which has only my first name on it.)

    Associate: “Oh, you work at [Other Store]. You must know [Coworker], who used to work here!”

    Me: “Oh, yeah, [Coworker]‘s great! Oh, I have a membership card, but I don’t have it on me.”

    Associate: “What’s your last name?”

    Me: “I’m not sure… [My Name], I think.”

    Associate: “…”

    Me: “Oh, my God, I’m sorry! I thought you were asking for [Coworker]‘s last name! Sorry! Do I win the award today?”

    Associate: “Not even the strangest thing that’s happened today.”

    Coupon And On And On

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work at a children’s clothing store. A customer comes in with her daughter and wants a jacket, so I process it. She then gives me a coupon printed off for 25% off. Members can get coupons in e-mails so this is normal. I scan it in to discover that number has been used already.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. This coupon has been used already.”

    Customer: “Yeah. I used one at your other store.”

    Me: “Well, I apologize, but they should have taken it from you at the other store. We can only accept a coupon once.”

    Customer: “Yes, I printed it out again. It said I can use it all weekend!”

    (I had to hold back laughter because I glanced at her daughter and she just gave me this look that said ‘I’m so sorry’ as I explained that the sale was for the weekend only but it’s one coupon per customer. I never believed people would actually do that until today.)

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