November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

Can’t Re-Coupon The Difference

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

Me: “Okay, your total comes to $219.79; do you have any coupons?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, I have a $10 coupon and a 20% coupon.”

Me: “You are able to use one coupon per transaction, so with the 20% off, your new total is $179.83. Go ahead and slide your card.”

Customer: “Well, can I use the $10 coupon instead?”

Me: “Um…sure.” *deletes the 20% coupon, uses the $10 off coupon* “Your new total is $209.79. Go ahead and slide your card, please.”

Customer: *voice rising* “Wait! Why is it more now?!”

Me: “Because you are deciding to use your $10 coupon instead of your 20% coupon, which will give you more off.”

Customer: *slightly hysterical* “So are you telling me I can NEVER use my $10 coupon?!”

Me: “Ma’am, you can use your $10 coupon whenever you want, but in THIS transaction, you save more with the 20% off coupon.”

Customer: *looking crazily at both coupons*

Me: “Sooo…. with the 20% coupon, you save $43.96. With the TEN DOLLAR coupon, you save TEN DOLLARS.”

Customer: “Wow. I’m NEVER gonna be able to get rid of this $10 coupon! Why do you guys send them to us if we can’t use them?”

Me: *finishing transaction with the 20% off coupon and bag clothes, all the while smiling brightly* “Thanks for shopping with us. You have saved $43.96. Have a great day!”

Customer: *still muttering as she’s leaving* “I just CAN’T get rid of this $10 coupon!”

Good Clean Money

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

(I am the customer.)

Me: *handing money to the cashier* “Wait. First, I have to warn you: this money is wet.”

Cashier: *freezes*

Me: “I swear it’s because I’m an idiot and washed my wallet in the laundry. I promise, it’s the cleanest money you’ll handle all day!”

Cashier: “Thanks for the warning!”

A One-Sided Argument

| USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “Your total is $15.50.”

Customer: “Here you go.” *hands me a $50 bill*

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry, sir. I can’t accept this. Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “What? Why not?!”

Me: “It’s fake.”

Customer: “No it’s not!”

Me: “It’s only printed on one side…”

Customer: “That’s how they make them now!”

Me: *buzzing security* “Sir, I can assure you that is not at all how ‘they’ make $50 bills.”

Customer: “Do your pen thing! Watch. When it shows up real, you’ll feel stupid.”

Me: *facepalm* “Sure, let’s try the counterfeit pen.” *I make a mark on the fake bill and it turns black* “See? You printed it out on computer paper.”


(The customer was soon picked up by security who held him until the police showed up. I don’t know what happened to him after that.)

Needs A Repeat Lesson

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(A customer asks for help in the self serve copy area, and as I’m trying to show him how to work the copier, he’s asking me questions.)

Customer: “How long have you worked here for?”

Me: *laughing* “Too long.”

Customer: “How long’s that?”

Me: “About four years.”

Customer: “Why don’t you go to school?”

Me: “I did go to school. It’s hard to find jobs in the career path you went to school for, especially in this area.”

Customer: “Why don’t you go back to school?”

Me: “I can’t afford it.”

Customer: “Well, are you a manager or something here?”

Me: “Nope, just full time.”

(I leave as soon as I’m done helping him, eager to stop talking about how I still work in retail. About six months later, I recognize the same man in line at my counter. He waits while I book in copy orders and ring through customers with items. Finally when it’s his turn, he doesn’t even have items or something to copy.)

Customer: “Hey, [My Name]! How’s it going?”

Me: “Fine, you?”

Customer: “Good! So you’re still here, eh? Have you been looking for other jobs?”

Me: “Kind of… I’m usually always looking for something that’s closer to my schooling.”

Customer: “Well, why don’t you get a job in [Nearby Large City]? There’s tons of jobs there!”

Me: “Because I don’t want to live in the city, or commute every day for work.”

Customer: “Well, that’s where the jobs are!”

Me: “I see.”

Customer: “Well, you should talk to a head-hunter! That’s their job, you know, finding other people jobs!”

Me: “That’s okay.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I’m fine. Thanks, though.”

Customer: “Oh…”

(After he leaves, my coworker comes up to me.)

Coworker: “What was that?”

Me: “A stranger who literally waited in line just to ask me why I’m still working here.”

An Unrewarding Realization

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

Me: “Welcome to [Store].”

(Customer waves and walks past me, goes shopping, and then comes up to the counter to check out.)

Me: “Do you have your [Store] Rewards card?”

(The customer looks around then at my name tag.)

Customer: “What store am I in?”