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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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  • April Themed Story Giveaway: Creepy Customers!
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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Store Of The D***ed, Part 2

    | Monticello, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Religion

    (I work at a grocery/retail store that has a somewhat relaxed dress code for the cashiers. It is quite hot both inside and outside the store. Many of my female coworkers are wearing less clothing than usual. A customer comes to my check lane and unloads her groceries.)

    Customer: “Oh, thank God. SOMEBODY around here knows how to dress in a way that pleases the Lord!”

    (Right away, I know this is going to be unpleasant. I’m a transgender man with no religious belief.)

    Customer: “All of these god-d*** heathens dress like streetwalkers! I’m so glad I found someone uncontaminated to handle my food!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Did you say ‘uncontaminated?’”

    Customer: “Why, yes, dearie. Those worthless w****s you have to work with are contaminated by the devil! It’s too bad you have spend so much time around them, but I understand times are tough.”

    Me: “Actually, I enjoy working here. I have excellent pay, flexible hours, and the opportunity to be part of a great team. I’ve made friends with several of my coworkers, and we regularly spend time together outside of work.”

    Customer: “Oh, dearie, you know you shouldn’t yoke yourself to an unbeliever! But I suppose it’s hard to lead some to Christ if you don’t know them very well.”

    (At this point, I’m finished scanning and bagging her groceries. She pays with her card and turns to me.)

    Customer: “You know, young lady. I just feel so bad for you. You’re stuck in this awful, godless place, and I just—”

    (The customer rummages in her purse and pulls out two $5 bills.)

    Customer: “Take these are use them to do The Lord’s work!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t accept your money in good conscience. I happen to be one of those godless heathens you were upset about. Furthermore, I’m sorry to say that you have made a crucial flaw in your perception of me. I am not, as you said, a ‘young lady.’ I am a 21-year-old transgender man.”

    (The customer begins to shout various racial, homophobic, and trans-phobic slurs. My manager rushes over to find out what’s going on.)

    Customer: “THIS GODLESS C*** CONTAMINATED MY FOOD!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, you need stop verbally abusing the staff and leave the premises. If you don’t, I’ll be forced to call the police.”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU!? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?”

    Manager: “No, ma’am, and quite frankly I don’t care. You’re shouting some of the vilest insults in the English language at one of my best cashiers. Get your s*** and leave. NOW!”

    (The customer flees, insulting both of us the whole time. The next customer in line has watched the situation unfold.)

    Next Customer: *to my manager* “Excuse me. Would it be alright if I gave you both a gift card? You deserve something nice after all that.”

    Me: “You don’t need to—”

    Manager: “Uh, okay. Sure.”

    Next Customer: “Here. Just [item] and two $25 gift cards for [coffee shop].”

    (When the friendly customer gives me the gift card, his number is written on the back. We’ve been dating for almost two years!)

    Related:
    Store Of The D***ed

    Smelling A Sale

    | Mobile, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Holidays, Themed Giveaway

    (I work at a mall perfume counter. It’s close to Christmas. Many people are running around like crazy. It’s my first Christmas at this job. I’m very nervous about approaching people who look like they’re in a hurry. Two of my coworkers have already been yelled at by some hurrying customers. I see a customer, sort of casually strolling through, and decide to try her.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Would you like a sample of this cologne?”

    (The customer gives me a blank look.)

    Customer: “What for?”

    Me: “For… well, just to smell.”

    Customer: “But I’m not a man.”

    Me: “Well, no. But maybe you’re looking for a last minute gift for some man in your life?”

    Customer: “There is no man in my life! They’re all dead!”

    (I am horrified and speechless. The customer bursts into giggles.)

    Customer: “Sorry. You all just look so nervous and bored over here. I thought I’d have a bit of fun! That’s [Perfume Name], right? I’ll have four.”

    Terminate This Purchase

    , , , | Calgary, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. Absolutely.”

    (I realize the customer is buying three things. A pack of water pistols, lighter fluid, and matches.)

    Me: “Um… This is an interesting purchase.”

    Customer: “Yeah, there’s a wasp infestation in my garage. Figured this is easier than an exterminator.”

    That Kind Of Behavior Is Just Not Cricket, Part 2

    | UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Military, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a customer. I witness an argument at one of the tills over a false label on an expensive cricket set. It appears as though the label has been attached by the customer. It is obviously written in green felt tip and not real.)

    Customer: “Why won’t you give me the discount?”

    Employee: “Because this is obviously a fake label.”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING A SCAM ARTIST! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

    (The employee fetches a manager.)

    Manager: “Sir, we are not going to sell you a set that costs £189.99 for only £15. This is obviously not a real label.”

    (The customer takes a bat out of the pack and raises it in a threatening motion.)

    Customer: “GIVE IT TO ME FOR FREE OR I’LL BREAK YOUR SKULLS!”

    (Suddenly, out of nowhere, a random customer who is just walking past grabs the bat. He moves it round the unruly customer’s shoulder, flooring the bad customer and disarming him in one motion. The random customer goes right up to his face.)

    Random Customer: “Buddy, you ain’t gonna get s*** unless you calm down and learn to be an honest man instead of a p***k. F*** off.”

    (The unruly customer gets up and runs off, only to be grabbed by security and arrested a few minutes later. The good customer was given a £100 gift card and was even offered a job as a security guard! He declined, saying it was his duty to be a good citizen. I found out he was an ex-colonel in the British army and had been in tougher situations than that.)

    Related:
    That Kind Of Behavior Is Just Not Cricket

    The Screwdriver Is Complimentary

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

    (I work at a hobby store that sells everything from arts and crafts for kids to models and remote control vehicles. A customer and her small son come in and shop around for a bit. They eventually bring up a vacuum for catching bugs.)

    Me: “Alright. That will be [price]. This requires three AA batteries. Did you need those?”

    Customer: “Yeah. We better get some.”

    Me: “Okay. Your new total comes to [price].”

    (They pay and leave. Not five minutes later they come back in.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry, but do you have a screwdriver to open this with?”

    (The customer meant one she could buy but we have one behind the counter for this type of situation. I go ahead and just open the battery cover for her on the bug catcher.)

    Me: “There we are! You’re good to go.”

    (I hand it back to the little boy. They begin to leave when the customer turns around and addresses her son.)

    Customer: “Tell the nice lady ‘thank you.’”

    Son: *with a look of concentration on his face* “You… are… sooo… beautiful.”

    Me: “Why, thank you!”

    (The mom is slightly embarrassed but thanks me again. They leave. I turn to my coworker, who watched the whole thing and is smiling)

    Me: “I don’t know where he learned those manners from, but he’s gonna do well in life.”


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