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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    In Closed Quarters

    | MN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I work as a cashier at a chain of grocery stores. In our lanes, we have these little gates that you can bring down if the lane is closed. There is very little space between the gate and the belt, so customers can’t squeeze their way in. My manager comes over to tell me to go on break, and then puts the gate down as we’re rather busy at the moment and customers don’t often notice that the light is off above our register, showing we’re closed. I have one other customer still in line after we close the gate, so I hurry to finish with her.)

    Me: “And have a nice day, ma’am.”

    (I hear heavy breathing and look at the entrance to my lane after giving the customer her receipt. A man has squeezed himself through the space between the gate and the register!)

    Customer: *still breathing heavily* “Woof, that was hard to get through!”

    (I still don’t know how he got through, considering I weight about 150lbs and I can’t get through the gap without sucking in my stomach, and he had a good 50 or so pounds on me!)

    Trying To Blow Smoke

    | USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I’m running the express lane when a lady approaches my till holding an infant of about a year old. Note: it’s October and around 68° outside.)

    Me: “Hello! What can I do for you?”

    Customer #1: *sets infant on counter * “Yes, I’d like two packs of [Brand] cigars.”

    (I go get the cigars, and as I return and start ringing up her cigars, another customer walks by who also has an infant that is in only shorts, minding their own business.)

    Customer #1: *to Customer #2′s infant* “Oooh, baby, you’re gonna get sick wearing only shorts. It’s, like, zero degrees outside.” *to me* “Some people.”

    (She happily walked away with her cigars and baby.)

    Wants The Number Of The Devil

    | Robeline, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Love/Romance, Religion

    Customer: *leering* “I need $15 worth of [Cell Company] minutes and your phone number, sweetness.”

    Me: *pretending I didn’t hear the last part* “$15 of [Cell Company] minutes. Okay.”

    Customer: *smirking* “And your phone number.”

    Me: *curtly* “Not happening. I have a boyfriend.” *prints the slip* “It’s $15.50.”

    Customer: *pays in exact change* “So, did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”

    Me: *deadpan* “What are you talking about? I clawed my way up from Hell.”

    (He quickly left and hasn’t asked for my number since.)

    Paying Dearly

    | AR, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working my second day as a cashier when an elderly customer walks up with a bundle of bananas and a drink.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, and welcome to [Store]. Would you like me to match the price of these bananas, dear?”

    Customer #1: “No, godd*** it!”

    Me: “Okay. Not a problem. I apologize. Would like to donate anything to [Charity We Support]? ”

    Customer #1: *turns away and mutters something*

    Me: “Was that a yes or…”

    Customer #1: “READ MY LIPS. NO. N.O. CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND SIMPLE ENGLISH, YOU D*** BIMBO?!”

    Me: *all smiles* “I’m so sorry, sir. Not a problem.”

    Customer #1: “I am so f****** tired of your s***, you little b****! The people here are so godd*** stupid. Quite smiling. Your job f****** sucks.”

    (He walks off cursing under his breath.)

    Me: *turning to the next customer* “Hello, dear. How ar—”

    Customer #1: *rushing back* “And don’t call people dear, you little tramp! I’m old enough to be your d*** grandfather and she’s a woman, you f****** lesbian!”

    (At this point, I’m almost in tears because it’s my second day ever and I’ve had nothing but positive responses all day. My current customer speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “Don’t listen to that old b******, honey. You’re doing great and can call me whatever you like. Now, how much can I donate to that charity you were askin’ about?”

    Stupidity Can Accumulate

    , | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I am working as a cashier. A customer comes up with a large order, which I ring up.)

    Me: “All right, sir, your total comes to $2000.”

    (The customer swipes his card and enters his account information and pin. It’s declined.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, your card was declined.”

    Customer: “No, it wasn’t! I have lots of money in this account! Try it again!”

    (I try it again. Again it’s declined.)

    Me: “Did you mean to hit chequing? If you meant to use your savings account, that could be why it’s declined.”

    Customer: “No, I only use my chequing account!”

    Me: “Well, do you have a daily limit? Some banks have that set up, so you can only spend a certain amount each day.”

    Customer: “Yes, I have a $500 daily limit.”

    Me: “This transaction is for $2000, sir. That’s a lot more than $500.”

    Customer: “But I haven’t used this card in three days!”

    Me: “It’s a DAILY limit. It resets every day.”

    (I didn’t feel like explaining that, even if it was cumulative, that still wouldn’t have equaled $2000.)

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