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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Noodling Around The Options

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

    (Our restaurant has some pretty popular combo dinners. Some people like to change some of the dishes in them. If the dish they want to substitute is close in price to the original, it’s no problem; however, if they want a more expensive dish, we do charge for the difference.)

    Woman: “Yes, I want this dinner here, but what is this?”

    Me: “The chow mein? That’s mainly bean sprouts with chicken, little bit of mushrooms.”

    Woman: *pulls a face* “No, no, I don’t want those. I’m looking for a dish with noodles. Can I do that?”

    Me: “Sure, but there’ll be a small charge for the switch. What did you want in the noodles?”

    Woman: “I want to keep the chicken, and maybe some vegetables.”

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be a $3 charge.”

    Woman: “What? Why?”

    Me: “Well, the thing with the bean sprouts is a small plate, and it’s $6, while the one with the noodles is a bigger plate, and costs almost $9. It’s just the price difference in the dishes.”

    Woman: *pulls another face* “No, that’s too much.”

    (She proceeds to keep the bean sprouts, add a $4 dish to her order, and then wants to pay.)

    Woman: “Is a $100 bill okay?”

    The Times, They Are a’Changin’

    | MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

    Me: “Your total is $4.24.”

    Customer: *hands me a twenty*

    Me: “Here’s your change.” *hands back $15.76* “Have a wonderful day!”

    Customer: “… Didn’t I give you a five?”

    Me: “I don’t think so…”

    (Customer checks her pocket and pulls out the five she meant to give me.)

    Me: “Doesn’t this usually happen the other way around?”

    Doesn’t Know Zip About State Secrets

    | CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I’m currently standing at the register. At this time, we have to ask for a customer’s zip code before proceeding with their transaction, and we are expected to get 70% of customers per day to give us one.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    Me: “Can I get your zip code, please?”

    Customer: “No. I work for the Secret Service and it would be a breach of national security for you to know anything like that about me.”

    Me: “Um… okay.”

    (I proceed to ring him out for a transaction over $100. We have to ask for ID on any transaction over a certain amount being charged to a card. The guy pulls out a card and swipes it.)

    Me: “Sir, I do need to see an ID if you are using that card.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (He then proceeded to take out his ID and show it to me – which had his zip code along with all his other information.)

    Owning The Conversation

    | USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (The customer is in her early 20s.)

    Customer: “Why can’t you sell me what I want?”

    Me: “Because we ran out of muffins.”

    Customer: “That’s not good enough. Make some more.”

    Me: “We cannot do that as we’re closing in an hour. You can come in tomorrow”.

    Customer: “I’m the owner’s daughter. Call him.”

    (The original owner is a 60 year old man who has just transferred his business to one of his daughters. He has a second daughter, Sarah, who I never met and don’t know what she looks like.)

    Me: “You mean the last owner?”

    Customer: “No, the current one.”

    Me: “Then it’s not possible.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about?”

    Me: “Well, the current owner is 27 years old.”

    Customer: “Oh, then I’m her sister.”

    Me: “You’re Sarah?”

    Customer: “Who?”

    Me: “Okay, I don’t think so. You’re not related. Come back tomorrow for muffins.”

    Customer: “D***. This worked at one store at least. That was a year ago..”

    Me: “…”

    Refuses To Walk A Mile In Full Price Shoes

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Money, Spouses & Partners

    (We are currently having a shoe sale which is ‘buy two and get a third pair half price.’ The sign also states they have to be purchased in the one transaction. A woman comes in; her English is not very good so communication is a little difficult. She has bought two pairs on a previous day and now wants a third pair half price. I try to explain to her about the one transaction rule, but she looks very confused. She is very nice and I feel bad for her. She leaves looking confused and disappointed. Only after do I think of returning the two pairs she previously bought and then selling them back to her together with the discount. A little while later she comes back with her husband, who speaks better English. I’m happy to see her since figuring out a solution, until her husband opens his mouth and is extremely rude.)

    Husband: “You need to sell these to my wife at half price like your sign says.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I tried to explain that the deal is—”

    Husband: “—I don’t care what the ‘deeeaaalll’  is. My wife bought two shoes so she gets a third pair half price.”

    Me: “Okay, I understand. Like I was saying they have to be bought in the same transaction but—”

    Husband: “I. DON’T. CARE. You refused to serve my wife. Now you will give them to her half price or I want to see a manager!”

    Me: “I’m sorry if I have upset your wife, and I’m happy to help. Just let me just explain first. I can’t override the system but what I can do is—”

    Husband: “NO! This is ridiculous.” *he rants for a while longer, then smiles weirdly* “You know what, I just want to return these two shoes for a full refund.” *he then turns and murmurs to his wife* “Then we’ll just buy them back and get the half price.” *sniggers*

    Me: *inwardly sighing* “Okay, I can refund them if you like.”

    (As I’m doing the refund he is murmuring nasty things under his breath and I’m tempted to refuse service, but I feel bad for his wife so just keep smiling and decide to kill him with kindness. I finish the refund and then straight away put the sale back through with all three items, with the half price included.)

    Me: “Sir, the refund is all done.”

    Husband: *talking down to me very smugly* “Excellent. Now here is what we’re going to do. I’m going to buy all three of these back, with the half price. What do you think of that?”

    Me: “That’s a very good idea, sir. I did try to tell you I could do that for you before. In fact, I’ve already put the sale through for you, I just need you to sign here for your card and I can print the receipt for you.”

    (The shock on his face was priceless. I sincerely hope his wife enjoyed those shoes… and found a better husband.)