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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Dude Needs Some Sleep

    | Big Rapids, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’m working on register at about eight am when a middle-aged woman walks in. She is quite intoxicated.)

    Customer: “I slept in the woods last night.”

    Me: “Okay? How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I had to put this flower in my hair because they said I looked like a dude. I’m not a dude. Do you think I look like a dude?”

    Me: “No… What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I need cigarettes. But they made me sleep outside in the woods. I don’t know where. But they kept calling me a dude!”

    (I ring up her cigarettes hoping she leaves soon.)

    Customer: “It’s like that song. Dude looks like a lady. Except the opposite. Lady looks like a dude. I’M NOT A DUDE!”

    Automated And Medicated

    | LA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    (We are the busiest pharmacy in the area, and this day is no exception. To make matters worse, we are short-staffed and our delivery truck is several hours late. I am running the drive-thru at about 6 pm, which is about 10 cars deep.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up a prescription for [Name].”

    Me: “It looks like we were out of stock of that medication, but let me check to see if it arrived on the truck.”

    (I check the delivery record and we did receive the medication. However, because none of the boxes are put up, and it is the middle of the evening rush, we won’t be able to fill the order for a few hours.)

    Me: “Ma’am, we did receive the medication on the truck, but we haven’t had a chance to unload the boxes yet, so if you would like to check back this evening…”

    Customer: “I was told it would be ready this afternoon!”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am. Normally we would have it ready then but our truck just arrived less than an hour ago and we haven’t been able to put away the medication yet.”

    Customer: “Well, someone should have called me to tell me it wasn’t ready! I drove all the way from [20 minutes away] to get my medicine and it’s not even ready!”

    Me: “Are you signed up for our automated calls and text messages?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “…and you got a call or text telling you your prescription was ready?”

    Customer: “Well… no…”

    Me: “…”

    (The customer gave me a dirty look as she angrily drove away.)

    Give Her Family Credit

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

    (Our system uses a PLU (Product Listed Under) list, which consists of numbers from 1-200, which are used for produce, milk, flowers, and meat coming through the registers. It has been a long busy day and I was getting a bit bored with repeating the same spiel over and over, so I decided to mix it up a little bit.)

    Me: “Your total comes to $94.55. Would you like to pay by cash, card, or firstborn child today?”

    Customer: “Firstborn child? How much is she worth?”

    Me: *turns to customer’s daughter* “How old are you this year?”

    Customer’s Daughter: “I’m five and two thirds!”

    (I put the number five into the system, which corresponds with a 750 gram bag of tomatoes, worth $3.50.)

    Me: *to the customer* “She’s worth $3.50.”

    Customer: “D***, not enough. It’ll have to be card.”

    (The transaction finishes and she starts to head off.)

    Customer: “Can I pay with my husband next time?”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 34

    | OR, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I’m next in line at a chain arts and crafts store. Everyone who shops here complains about how long the lines always are, and how there are never any employees around, but I think it’s more because there is ALWAYS a difficult customer at the front of the line.)

    Customer: “I’d like to do an even exchange, this ribbon for this yarn. I don’t have a receipt for the ribbon.”

    Cashier: “Well, we don’t do exchanges without a receipt, but I can do a return on the ribbon and then we can use the money you’ll get back toward the yarn.”

    Customer: *death glare at the cashier* “Fine.”

    Cashier: “It looks like you’ll get $2.61 back for the ribbon. I’ll just put that toward the yarn if that’s okay?

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Cashier: “Okay, and the yarn comes out to $2.51. So you’ll actually get a dime back!”

    Customer: “WHAT?! I TOLD YOU I WANTED AN EVEN EXCHANGE! WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?!”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, this is just the price of the yarn. I have nothing to do with it. It’s in your favor. You’re getting money back.”

    Customer: “WHY WOULD I WANT MONEY BACK?! I HATE THIS STORE! EVERYONE HERE IS SO INCOMPETENT!”

    (Everyone in line stares in confusion as she storms out of the store with the yarn and not the dime. As I’m next in line, the cashier looks at me.)

    Cashier: “Well, then. Looks like you get a 10-cent discount on your purchase, miss! I hope that’s okay; I know money’s so darn inconvenient these days!”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 33
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 32
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 31

    Crazy Requests Only Go In One Direction

    | UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Crazy Requests

    (I work in a shop that sells comics, video games, trading cards, and assorted trinkets related to the culture around them. I work in the back where I test incoming consoles to check for issues. Between the back and the front is a small hole in the wall where I see a customer with a problem.)

    Coworker: “That’s gonna be £32.20.”

    Customer: “Wait, I have the deal here.”

    (The place is running a small deal where you get 10% of the cheapest item if you present a flyer with the deal written on the back. My coworker proceeds to change the price accordingly. I get called to the front while the customer speaks to the owner. After hearing him rant for about five more minutes:)

    Customer: “I can’t believe you advertize a deal and not follow up on it. The [Competing Store] down the road would give me all this for free for all the trouble. What can YOU do for me?”

    Me: “Give you directions to [Competing Store]?”

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