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  • Got Him Out Of A Pickle
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    About To Get A Fist For A Dollar

    | Fort Knox, KY, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Top

    Me: “Your total comes to $2.15.”

    Child Customer: “Okay.”

    (He slides his card, touches the key pad and reaches for his things.)

    Me: “Hun, you paid through gift card and there wasn’t enough to cover it all. You’re short 46 cents.”

    Child Customer: “Oh, um…can you just remove something?”

    Me: “I can’t cancel a transaction in the middle of it.”

    Child Customer: “Well, I don’t want the drink no more.”

    Me: “Look, I’ll cover the rest but next time just make sure you know how much is on your card or ask us to check before hand.”

    (I go through my pocket and pull out a dollar to cover the change after not being able to find enough change to cover the rest. I finish cashing it out and notice the kid’s still there, hand held out and ready to receive change back.)

    Love Thy Culturally Homogenous Neighbor

    | Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Religion

    Me: “I hope you’ve found everything to your liking!”

    Customer: “Oh, thank you, I have! It’s so nice to meet a polite Christian girl nowadays! You know, it’s always best to love thy neighbor.”

    Me: “Oh, actually, I’m not Christian. But yes, I agree.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, as long as you love Jesus our savior!”

    Me: “Actually, I’m Muslim and Jewish.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Well, my mother is Jewish and my father is Muslim.”

    Customer: “Oh. When I said ‘love thy neighbor,’ I didn’t mean you!”

    One Mother, One Cup

    | Springfield, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

    Customer: “Hi I need to return this.” *hands over an opened and clearly worn jock cup*

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, this is a completely non-returnable item.”

    Customer: “I called and you said your return policy is 30 days with receipt.”

    Me: “That’s except for jocks and mouth-guards. Cashiers tell you at the time of purchase that they’re completely non-returnable.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t understand. So, there’s nothing you can do for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. It’s store policy based on our health-code.”

    Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that my little boy would have such a big wee-wee?” *grabs her very embarrassed-looking son and leaves*

    Now We Know Why Bob Retired

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Me: “Your total comes to $15.49.”

    Customer: “Don’t I get a discount?”

    Me: “Are you in the military or a member of our frequent shopper club?”

    Customer: “I’m in the club. I shop here all the time.”

    Me: “Great! I should be able to find you in our database and apply your discount. What is your last name?”

    Customer: “Well I’m not in your computer but I know I get a discount. I shop here all the time and I’m a senior citizen.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have a senior discount, but I’d be happy to help you join our frequent shopper club.”

    Customer: “You don’t have a senior discount?!” *she turns to an older couple in line behind her* “Did you hear that? These
    people don’t respect the seniors in this community! This is outrageous! I shop here all the time. I’m a senior. I should get a discount. Let me talk to Bob!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, Bob retired 4 years ago.”

    Customer: “Okay, well then I need to speak with Claudia. She and I are very close.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with a Claudia.”

    Customer: “Well, you need to ask someone who’s not new.”

    Me: “Well, I’ve been here three years, but let me check.”

    (I call my manager, who’s been here forever.)

    Me: "I’m sorry ma’am, but I just spoke with my manager, and she said that Claudia passed away in 2005."

    Customer: “She’s dead?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well, do I get a discount? I shop here all the time!”

    Trying To Re-Coup Losses

    | Oakville, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Money

    (An elderly customer comes up to my checkout.)

    Me: “That’ll be [price]."

    Customer: “Why is it so much?”

    Me: “Well, you bought all these items, and it all adds up to your total.”

    Customer: “You charged me for the chicken?”

    Me: “Yes, of course.”

    Customer: “There’s your mistake. The chickens are free today.”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Customer: “I got it from that big display where you’re giving away ‘free range chicken’.”

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