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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Some Customers Are Completely See-Through

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout

    (When a customer at the store uses a credit card, we always need ID and either the last four digits and/or the security code on the back.)

    Me: “Alright, sir, I’ll just need to see your ID and credit card for a second.”

    Customer: *hands me ID* “2-9-4-7!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I have to see the credit card for security reasons.”

    Customer: *shouting slowly* “2-9-4-7!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I heard you. But I need to be able to see the card.”

    Customer: “No. No way. I never let anyone see my card. You people are just trying to take my numbers and use my card for yourselves! No way!”

    Me: “I promise you, sir, I will not be able to memorize your 16-digit number and know your security number by looking at the front of the card for less than two seconds.”

    Customer: “I know a girl who can do it!”

    Me: “Well, I do not have that kind of memory, but what if you put your finger over the numbers and just show me the name on the card and the last four digits? I absolutely must see the card, sir, or you will have to pay with a different method.”

    Customer: “Well…I guess that would be okay. You don’t have X-ray vision, do you?”

    Me: *laughs* “No, no I don’t.”

    Customer: “Don’t laugh! I know someone who does!”

    Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Bag Holder

    | Sherwood Park, AB, Canada | At The Checkout

    (I am guy in my late teens, bagging groceries for a male cashier when a woman in her mid to late thirties arrives at the till.)

    Cashier: “Here you go, ma’am.”

    Customer: “‘Ma’am?!’ Do I look old enough to be a ‘ma’am?!’”

    Cashier: “Uh, sorry miss.”

    Customer: “‘Miss!’ That’s even worse! You make me feel like an old maid! I’m still young and beautiful! And you, bag boy! Make sure the eggs are on top, okay?”

    Me: *miming shooting a gun and winking* “You got it, babe.”

    Customer: *blushing* “I…uh…okay.”

    Cashier: “Dude.”

    Not Being Paid To Navel Gaze

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | At The Checkout

    (My customer is an old friend I have not seen since high school.)

    Customer: *showing off her belly* “Seven months! The baby kicks sometimes, do you want to feel?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (I finish with my customer, and move on to the next customer in line, an older man.)

    Customer: *rubbing his belly and grinning* “Mine growls sometimes! Wanna feel mine too?”

    Express (Death) Row

    | New Jersey, USA | At The Checkout

    (Customer #1 is slowly packing up her receipt, change, etc., while Customer #2, an elderly gentleman, is waiting patiently behind her.)

    Customer #1: *noticing Customer #2* “Oh, I’m sorry I’m taking up so much of your time.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, that’s okay. I’m just waiting to die.”

    The Customer Has The Right To Be Wrong

    | United Kingdom | At The Checkout, Top

    (I have finished my shift and am doing my shopping at the self scan checkout, still in uniform.)

    Customer: “Excuse me can you help me? The machine’s playing up.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’ve actually finished. I can’t log on to the system after my shift, but I can call my colleague.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! If you’ve finished why are you still here at this checkout?”

    Me: “I’m shopping sir, like you are.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** would you need to shop here?!”

    Me: “I still need to eat, sir.”

    Customer: “This is insane, what makes you think you have the right to eat?!”

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