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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    More Than You Bargained For

    | Pearsall, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (A customer purchases some items at the checkout. While walking out, he sees a sign that one of his items is on sale.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, this sign says this glue is for $4.99, but the shelf says $5.99.”

    Me: *looks at receipt* “Well sir, I charged you $4.99.”

    Customer: “But the shelf said $5.99.”

    Me: “But I charged you $4.99.”

    Customer: “But the shelf said $5.99.”

    Me: “Okay, give me another dollar.”

    (The customer thinks for a second, then walks out of the store without saying another word.)

    Over The Hill And Picking Up Speed, Part 2

    | Liverpool, NY, USA | At The Checkout

    (I work as a cashier in a grocery store. I have a regular customer named Hector. He is eighty-seven years old and he has come to the store every Wednesday for the last three months and will only wait in my line. If my shift hasn’t started yet, he will gather his groceries, including Luanne’s Depends, and wait until my shift starts.)

    Me: “Good afternoon! Did you find everything okay?”

    Hector: “H*** no, I did not! I was looking for the damned chainsaw section, but you don’t even have one!”

    Me: “Well, sir, I’m afraid we don’t sell chainsaws here, this is a grocery store.”

    Hector: “That’s not what the dips*** in the booze aisle told me! Jesus, this is the worst store ever!”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, sir. But, hey, if you’re about to blow a gasket, we do have Depends, if you’re interested. They’re on sale right now.”

    Hector: “S***! I forgot to get Luanne’s Depends! She won’t do the nasty with me if I forget them! Thanks, little lady!”

    Related:
    Over The Hill And Picking Up Speed

    To Serve Man

    | Northridge, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (A male customer approaches the cash register.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “What did you say to me?”

    Me: “Um, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “You…help me? How can you…help me? YOU?”

    Me: “Um, yes. Do you have a problem with that?”

    Customer: “You can’t help me!”

    Me: “Okay, why not?”

    Customer: “Because I don’t need YOUR help!”

    Me: “Okay, what what do you want me to do? I’m the only one working here.”

    Customer: “I want you to ask me, ‘How may I serve you?’”

    Me: “Um, no.”

    Customer: *cusses up a storm and leaves*

    There Is No Expiration On Your Stupidity

    | Midlands, UK | At The Checkout

    (A customer comes to the till with a large bottle of milk.)

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this. It’s expired.”

    Me: “It says on the receipt that you bought it last week.”

    Customer: “Yes, but I haven’t used it. It’s expired.”

    Me: “The expiration date is yesterday. It was well in date when you bought it.”

    Customer: “Yes, but I didn’t use it, so you have to give me a refund.”

    Me: “I’m afraid we can’t give a refund for that. It was within date when you bought it.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t you change it, at least?”

    Me: “You want to swap some expired milk for fresh milk?”

    Customer: “No, just change the label so it’s in date again.”

    Ugly Advice From An Ugly Soul

    | New York, USA | At The Checkout

    (I’m skinny, tall, and with long hair. My boyfriend is also my coworker. He’s chubby, short, and his head is shaved. While ringing up a woman, my boyfriend passes by me at the end of his shift.)

    Woman: “Was that your boyfriend?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Woman: “My goodness, you deserve much better than that. You look like a model and don’t belong with that awful looking junk!”

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, I don’t think that’s for you to decide.”

    Woman: “I highly advise you to dump him. My friends and family always say I give the best advice and none of them have ever regretted it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, could you drop the subject? I’m trying to ring up your
    groceries and there’s a line behind you.”

    Woman: “Alright. I’ll have a talk with you some other time.”

    (So far, this woman hasn’t come back. Hopefully, she never will.)

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