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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Discount Discounted

    | Sherman Oaks, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Me: “And do you have a free rewards card with us, ma’am?”

    Customer: “A what? I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know.”

    Me: “If you think you have one, I can look it up by your phone number?

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: *louder* “Your phone number, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I don’t have one of those! I don’t think I have one! I don’t have a phone number! I don’t have one!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s fine. Your total today is $26.74, and just to let you know, you could have saved $5.90 if you had the rewards card.”

    Customer: “A discount? My phone number is ***-****.”

    Sales (Baby) Boom

    | Denver, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

    (The store allows you to pay off your store credit card bill at any of their stores. I was in the store paying off the company’s bill at one of the regular checkout stations. I had my 5 month old son with me in his carrier, which I put on the counter while the clerk was scanning the statement stub and the check. Another customer came up behind us, saw the carrier, but no items, on the counter and the clerk scanning a check.)

    Customer: “Is she buying a baby?”

    Clerk: *without missing a beat* “Yep, she got the last one on the shelf.”

    Spewing Obnoxious Gases

    | Sandy, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science

    (I’m putting an item in a customer’s plastic bag after ringing them out.)

    Customer #1: “Uhm… could you maybe use that bag for somebody who wants to kill the environment?”

    Me: “Yeah, I think I can.”

    (I turn to the next customer in line.)

    Me: “Do you want to kill the environment?”

    Customer #2: “Yes!”

    Me: “A bag it is.”

    Environ-mental

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Math & Science

    Me: “Ma’am, would you like a bag to carry any of these items?”

    Customer: “No, I’m an environmentalist. I don’t want to add to destroy our environment.”

    Me: “Ma’am, security for this store requests that everyone at least receive a bag to know that you’ve bought items here.”

    Customer: “You can’t tell me that I have to take a bag and I won’t have it. I refuse to contribute to the garbage problem!”

    Me: “Fine, would you like to keep these hangers that your clothes came with?”

    Customer: “No, just throw them out.”

    Not Exactly Gifted, Part 2

    | Orange County, CA, USA | At The Checkout

    (A 12-year-old boy, comes up to the counter, holding a gift card.)

    Customer: “How much is this?”

    Me: “As much or as little as you want on it.”

    Customer: “But what does it do?”

    Me: “You give it to people as gifts. It has money on it.”

    Customer: “How much?”

    Me: “Like I said, as much or as little as you want.”

    Customer: “Can I get $10?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I ring up the gift card.)

    Me: “That’ll be $10.”

    (He hands me $1.35.)

    Me: “This isn’t enough. I need $10.”

    Customer: “I only have that.”

    Me: “Then you can’t get the gift card.”

    Customer: “But, you said I could do any amount!”

    Related:
    Not Exactly Gifted

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