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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Heartless & Toothless

    | Wisconsin Rapids, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Religion

    (I am ringing up an older female customer’s order which includes several name brand toothbrushes. They ring up at $3.50.)

    Customer: “Those toothbrushes should be 99 cents and buy-one-get-one-free!”

    Me: “That price was actually for the store brand ones that were located right under these. The sale tag is displayed right above the item.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want them, then. They were for the homeless at my church, and they don’t need toothbrushes if they cost that much!”

    Should Have Paid Attention In School

    | Illinois, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (A customer places shoe boxes on the counter and stares at me.)

    Me: “All set then?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. School.”

    Me: *slightly confused* “Uh, yeah! Yeah I can’t believe school is starting already!”

    Customer: *chuckles* “Heh… yeah. School.”

    Me: *more puzzled* “Yeah, I know. So soon!”

    Customer: “Where’s my 20% off?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Your website said if that if I said the word school in your store I get 20% off my purchase.”

    Me: “I don’t think you read correctly, ma’am. We don’t have any sort of sale like that going on.”

    Customer: “It says that if I say school I get a discount!”

    Me: “I think you were supposed to text school and get a coupon code sent to your phone.”

    Customer: “Well, school. Now give me my 20%.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I just can’t do that. We’re not running that kind of sale.”

    Customer: “Well you should fix the internet, then! This is ridiculous!”

    These Are Not The Coins You Are Looking For

    | Salem, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Movies & TV

    (I have just finished ringing up a small order for a man and his 20-year-old son. Their change is only three cents, and they have already started walking away before I could hand it to them.)

    Me: “Wait, I’ve still got your change, unless you don’t want it.”

    Customer’s son: *doing Jedi hand wave* “We want our change.”

    Me: *at the same time* “You don’t want your change.”

    (We both wait a beat, then everyone in line breaks out laughing. We hadn’t practiced it, either.)

    Don’t Ask Her What Size She’d Like

    | California, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (I am ringing up a customer. She has bought one large jug of ice-cream, a bag of chips, and dip.)

    Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

    Customer: “Just fine…. just fine.”

    (I notice she’s looking me over up and down, but I try to ignore it.)

    Customer: “How are you so skinny?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “How are you skinnier than me? It’s so unhealthy!”

    Me: “Uh, well I’m normally like this. I exercise, and I try to stay fit.”

    Customer: “Oh, so you’re saying I’m not!? I can’t believe this. Just because I’m buying ice-cream and chips, doesn’t mean I’m unhealthy!”

    Me: “I know it doesn’t ma’am. I eat ice-cream too.”

    Customer: “Wait, you do?”

    Me: “All the time, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh… no wonder why you’re more bigger than me. You should take care of yourself more.”

    Meet The Frankensteins

    | New Jersey, USA | At The Checkout

    Customer: “Didn’t you have glasses on last time you checked me out?”

    Me: “No, I don’t wear glasses.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? Maybe you just wear them occasionally?”

    Me: “No, I don’t need glasses. I’m one of the only people in my family who doesn’t.”

    Customer: “But I know there was something different about you last time. I know I’ve seen your face before just on a different body.”

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