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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    The Customer Is Always Righteous

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

    (A regular customer comes into our store. She’s known to be very difficult to please.)

    Customer: “Good evening.”

    Me: *cheerily, while ringing her items up* “Good evening, ma’am! That’s $5.31, please.”

    (She puts a credit card down in front of me, which I ring through the register.)

    Me: “If you could please sign right there…”

    (I point, and she does. I bag her items and hand her the bag, her credit card, and her receipt. She takes them slowly and I think I’ve done a good job, but apparently not.)

    Customer: “You dishonor me! You dishonor me and you will burn for it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

    Customer: “God honors me! You don’t, and you will burn! I don’t know, I’m not God. But that’s what he’s saying. You dishonor me and you will burn!” *walks away*

    Me: *totally speechless*

    Batty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

    | Toledo, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’m a customer at a grocery store. We’re in a snow storm and people have gone mad in preparation, buying most of the bread, eggs, and milk.)

    Customer: *inches from the cashier’s face* “MILK AND BREAD! MILK AND BREAD!”

    Cashier: *stunned*

    Customer: “I bet all the customers were like that today, huh? All those crazy people buying up all that stuff! But not me, I’m not crazy!” *walks away*

    Cashier: *nervously laughs while looking at me wide-eyed*

    Time To Get Your Head(er) Checked

    | Logan, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names

    (Note that I am wearing a name tag with my name on it. At the top of our receipts, it says ‘Your Cashier Was’ and lists my name)

    Customer: *looks at receipt* “Your name’s Footer? That’s a strange name.”

    Me: “Uh, no. My name’s [name], like it says on my name tag. Why would you think my name was Footer?”

    Customer: “Because this receipt says your name is Footer!”

    Me: “May I see that?”

    Customer: *hands me the receipt*

    Me: “It has the right name here at the top.”

    Customer: “No, down at the bottom.”

    (I look at the bottom of the receipt. It says “Footer: Thank you for shopping at [store], have a nice day!)

    Our Great Dumbocracy, Part 3

    | Framingham, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Politics

    (We’ve just recently switched to a new system where receipts are optional.)

    Me: “…and would you like a receipt today?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “We’re now only printing receipts if you’d like one, in order to save paper. Would you like a receipt?”

    Customer: “Of course I want my receipt! You know, it’s young punks like you who do all your online banking who are responsible for 9-11! You should be ashamed of yourself!”

    Related:
    Our Great Dumbocracy, Part 2
    Our Great Dumbocracy

    Why Math Counts

    | Michigan, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Customer: *hands me two identical coupons*

    Me: “You want to use two 20% off coupons? That takes two dollars off each item. Using a five dollar off one would save you an extra dollar. Would you rather use that one?”

    Customer: “But using these two coupons saves me more.”

    Me: “Actually, you only save four dollars by using those. The five dollar one would save you more.”

    Customer: “But using more coupons saves more money!”

    Me: “That one coupon is worth more savings than those two, though. That coupon would save you a dollar more, and you can use those two 20% ones another day. Five dollars is more than four dollars.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! I don’t understand how you think that!”

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