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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    These Are Not The Coins You Are Looking For

    | Salem, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Movies & TV

    (I have just finished ringing up a small order for a man and his 20-year-old son. Their change is only three cents, and they have already started walking away before I could hand it to them.)

    Me: “Wait, I’ve still got your change, unless you don’t want it.”

    Customer’s son: *doing Jedi hand wave* “We want our change.”

    Me: *at the same time* “You don’t want your change.”

    (We both wait a beat, then everyone in line breaks out laughing. We hadn’t practiced it, either.)

    Don’t Ask Her What Size She’d Like

    | California, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (I am ringing up a customer. She has bought one large jug of ice-cream, a bag of chips, and dip.)

    Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

    Customer: “Just fine…. just fine.”

    (I notice she’s looking me over up and down, but I try to ignore it.)

    Customer: “How are you so skinny?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “How are you skinnier than me? It’s so unhealthy!”

    Me: “Uh, well I’m normally like this. I exercise, and I try to stay fit.”

    Customer: “Oh, so you’re saying I’m not!? I can’t believe this. Just because I’m buying ice-cream and chips, doesn’t mean I’m unhealthy!”

    Me: “I know it doesn’t ma’am. I eat ice-cream too.”

    Customer: “Wait, you do?”

    Me: “All the time, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh… no wonder why you’re more bigger than me. You should take care of yourself more.”

    Meet The Frankensteins

    | New Jersey, USA | At The Checkout

    Customer: “Didn’t you have glasses on last time you checked me out?”

    Me: “No, I don’t wear glasses.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? Maybe you just wear them occasionally?”

    Me: “No, I don’t need glasses. I’m one of the only people in my family who doesn’t.”

    Customer: “But I know there was something different about you last time. I know I’ve seen your face before just on a different body.”

    His Groceries Have Just Been Terminated

    | Peterborough, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I am ringing up a customer at my register; she had just told me she forgot her rewards card at home.)

    Me: “Do you have a reward card? Oh, shoot. Sorry! It’s just a habit to ask for it.”

    Customer: “Haha, don’t worry about it, I understand.”

    (There is an elderly man in line behind her.)

    Elderly Man: “They’ve programmed you!”

    Me: “Haha, yeah I guess they have.”

    Elderly Man: *shouting alarmingly* “They’ve programmed you! You’re some sort of robot aren’t you?”

    Me: *jokingly* “Yep, I’m a robot!”

    Elderly Man: *totally serious* “I knew it! You filthy robot! You’re going to kill me, aren’t you? This is some kind of government conspiracy! They sent you here to kill me! Well I won’t let you!”

    (He runs out of the store.)

    Discount Discounted

    | Sherman Oaks, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Me: “And do you have a free rewards card with us, ma’am?”

    Customer: “A what? I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know.”

    Me: “If you think you have one, I can look it up by your phone number?

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: *louder* “Your phone number, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I don’t have one of those! I don’t think I have one! I don’t have a phone number! I don’t have one!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s fine. Your total today is $26.74, and just to let you know, you could have saved $5.90 if you had the rewards card.”

    Customer: “A discount? My phone number is ***-****.”

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