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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    There Is No Expiration On Your Stupidity

    | Midlands, UK | At The Checkout

    (A customer comes to the till with a large bottle of milk.)

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this. It’s expired.”

    Me: “It says on the receipt that you bought it last week.”

    Customer: “Yes, but I haven’t used it. It’s expired.”

    Me: “The expiration date is yesterday. It was well in date when you bought it.”

    Customer: “Yes, but I didn’t use it, so you have to give me a refund.”

    Me: “I’m afraid we can’t give a refund for that. It was within date when you bought it.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t you change it, at least?”

    Me: “You want to swap some expired milk for fresh milk?”

    Customer: “No, just change the label so it’s in date again.”

    Ugly Advice From An Ugly Soul

    | New York, USA | At The Checkout

    (I’m skinny, tall, and with long hair. My boyfriend is also my coworker. He’s chubby, short, and his head is shaved. While ringing up a woman, my boyfriend passes by me at the end of his shift.)

    Woman: “Was that your boyfriend?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Woman: “My goodness, you deserve much better than that. You look like a model and don’t belong with that awful looking junk!”

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, I don’t think that’s for you to decide.”

    Woman: “I highly advise you to dump him. My friends and family always say I give the best advice and none of them have ever regretted it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, could you drop the subject? I’m trying to ring up your
    groceries and there’s a line behind you.”

    Woman: “Alright. I’ll have a talk with you some other time.”

    (So far, this woman hasn’t come back. Hopefully, she never will.)

    The Avocado Monologues

    | Sydney, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I am stacking the oranges, which is next to the shelf of avocados. A very well-dressed woman in her 40s comes over and starts feeling the avocados while talking to herself loudly.)

    Customer: “Wouldn’t you just hate to be an avocado?”

    (The woman continues feeling up the avocados.)

    Customer: “Hmm. You know what? That’s actually my biggest fear. Becoming an avocado.”

    Now Selling The War On Germs, Aisle 5

    | Newton, MA, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am working at a register. I use my t-shirt sleeve to clear my eyes. As I am doing this, a customer walks up with her groceries. She whips out a bottle of sanitizer and grabs my hand and sprays a lot of sanitizer on it.)

    Customer: “Rub it in! What you just did is dangerous to me and everyone else around!”

    (I rub it in because I didn’t want to argue. As I’m doing this, another cashier comes over to help me. She is Filipino. After a couple seconds, the customer looks over at her.)

    Customer: “Is it okay in your country to pick your nose and wipe it all over someone else? Because it isn’t okay in mine!”

    Brand Spankin’ New Employee

    | Richfield, MN, USA | At The Checkout

    (This is my first job. A customer walks up to my register to check out his items. However, my register is malfunctioning and I can not scan more than 15 items.)

    Customer: “Hello there, young’un. Just these for me today.”

    Me: “I do apologize sir, but I cannot scan more than 15 items today.”

    (I turn my head to see if there is another register open when I feel a hard pull on my collar. Suddenly, the customer pulls me over the register.)

    Customer: “I’ll teach you to disrespect your elders!”

    (He starts spanking me with his cane right by my aisle in view of my manager.)

    Manager: “I’d stop this, but it is really entertaining.”

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