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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Completely Taking The Mickey

    | Madrid, Spain | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (A customer approaches me in the counter while I finish ringing up another. I’m sure she has come to the bakery a couple of times, but she’s not exactly a regular.)

    Customer: “So nice to see you!”

    Me: “Sure, it has been a while since I last saw you.”

    Customer: “That’s because I was on a trip, to [Theme Park]”

    Me: *smiling politely* “That sounds good.”

    Customer: *looking in her purse* “I actually bought you something.”

    (She takes a Theme Park Character figurine, putting it in the counter. I stare, confused.)

    Me: “Uh, thanks, I guess… So, have you found anything you like around? We just made these new cupcakes.”

    Customer: “Of course I saw them.”

    (Puts three boxes on the counter, and I proceed to ring them up.)

    Me: “Your total is €9.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, just with the [Theme Park Character] is fine.”

    (I stare confused.)

    Customer: “Yes, you see, this thing was €10, so I give you this in exchange. An exchange. That’s fine, right?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m truly grateful you thought of us, but we do not accept exchange here.

    You can either pay with cash or credit card…”

    (She shakes her head, and grabs the figure to slam it in the counter. The thing doesn’t seem €10 in the slightest, since it’s about three inches tall.)

    Customer: “No! I already told you this covers all the total! And even, you owe me €1!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t accept this. You can keep this [Theme Park Character] and pay with cash or credit card, as I said.”

    Customer: “No way!”

    (She grabs the cupcake boxes and starts to leave. My yells to call her back are heard by my coworkers, who help me and stop her from leaving. The woman had to be practically dragged away. The Theme Park Character remained on the counter for several hours, until a family comes up to the counter and the figure catches the attention of the son.)

    Kid: “I’ve got one like this! It came with my meal at [Famous Burger Chain]!”

    Customer Service Is Over(reaction)

    | State College, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (In the restaurant I work in we’re allowed to talk back to the customer if they’re being out of line. We’re open late, so a large portion of our customers are well past drunk. This occurs on an otherwise slow Sunday night.)

    Me: “Hi, what can i get for you?”

    Customer: “I want some chicken tenders and some fries. Do you have something like that?”

    Me: “Sure, you can get the combo platter for [price], unless you want a side of sauce. Then it’ll be a bit more.”

    Customer: *heavy sigh* “How much is a side of sauce in this f****** dump?”

    Me: *instantly irritated because I’ve been nice so far* “Excuse me? Did you just call my store a f****** dump?”

    Customer: *stares blankly at me*

    Me: “You can leave now.”

    Customer: “Why? I was just kidding.”

    Me: “It didn’t sound like you were kidding when you insulted my place of business. It also wasn’t even remotely funny, so I don’t know how you could consider that kidding.”

    Customer: “But I was just kidding. I really want the food.”

    Me: “So you want to insult me, and then have me smile and serve you? No. It’s not gonna happen. You and your friends can leave any time now.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Because I don’t appreciate your attitude, and I don’t want to serve you. Did I call you f****** ugly?”

    Customer’s Friend: “That’s uncalled for!”

    Me: “Why? I was just kidding. That makes everything better, doesn’t it?”

    (They ended up leaving, looking confused as to why I was upset. The other customers were laughing at them as they left. I told the owner of the store about it the next day. He just laughed.)

    Smoking Before She Even Gets Cigarettes

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

    (I am cashiering without a bagger at the farthest register from the front service center.)

    Me: “How are you doing today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You need to go get me a pack of d*** cigarettes.” *continues texting*

    Me: “I’m not allowed to leave my register and don’t have a bagger to run and get some. How about you go grab them while I finish ringing up/bagging the rest of your items?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “I said, please go grab them while I finish your order. I can’t leave now.”

    Customer: “Did you seriously just say I… should go get them MYSELF?!”

    Me: “Yes, I did…”

    Customer: “OH, MY GOD! You can’t be serious! If you think I should go get them, then you are crazy!”

    (She then grabs a bagger who is obviously helping out another customer.)

    Customer: “You need to go get me my cigarettes now before I FLIP OUT!”

    Bagger: “…okay.”

    Customer: “And I am telling your manager about how rude you are!”

    Pot Calling The Kettle Black… Eventually

    | San Diego, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Time

    (I’m helping a customer who is picking up an Internet order. One of the items was damaged so he’s trying to decide if he wants to take it or return it. Another customer comes in line and is waiting no more than 60 seconds.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! Can you just do my return since this guy is obviously not ready?!”

    (I look at the customer I’m helping and he nods at me to go ahead and help her.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Let me help you over here.”

    Customer: “Good, I’m in a hurry and some people just want to take their time when others are ready to go! Now, let me just find my receipt.”

    (She spent the next three minutes digging through her purse and a crazy stack of receipts. Glad her time is more important than everyone else’s.)

    Casting The First Stone Cold Glare

    | Anaheim, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Religion

    (I am visiting two good Jewish friends. They are gay men and engaged. We’re at a coffee shop for breakfast.)

    Friend #1: *holding Friend #2′s hand* “Hey [Friend #2], what do you want?”

    Friend #2: “[Store Brand Drink], babe.”

    Customer #1: *spies them holding hands* “You should be ashamed of acting like that in public! There are children and God-fearing people in here! Couple of sick f**s…”

    Friend #1: “We’re not f**s. We’re gay. Last time I checked, we’re not cigarettes or bundles of twigs.”

    Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell for being a couple of sinners! You’re going to burn!”

    Friend #2: “So what are you drinking, [My Name]?”

    Me: “[Store Brand Drink], please!”

    Friend #2: *to Customer #1* “What about you, mister? What are you drinking?”

    Customer #1: *splutters* “I am not accepting charity from some dirty, sick homosexual!”

    Friend #1: “If your Jesus was brave enough to dine with prostitutes, the least you could do is accept our ‘charity.’”

    Customer #1: “F*** you!”

    Friend #1 & #2: *deadpan* “No, thanks. You’re not my type.”

    Customer #1: *screams* “This whole place is going to Hell!” *storms out*

    Customer #2: *starts clapping* “That… was… AWESOME! Please, let me pay for your order!”

    Me: “Nah, thanks. I’ll get it for them.”

    Manager: “No, you won’t. This order is on the house!”

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