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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Unlimited Capacity To Be Annoying

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I am working at a high end outlet store, welcoming customers, when the power unexpectedly cuts out. Most of the customers are understanding of this when we ask everyone to please leave the store and offer to hold items behind the register until the power comes back and we can ring people out.)

    Customer: “These are MY items; you can’t steal them from me. I am going to BUY them.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but we cannot check you out without power.”

    Customer: “Why not? You can’t add prices without the cash register?”

    Me: “Ma’am, you have over $4000 dollars worth of merchandise here. Do you have that much cash?”

    Customer: “Ugh, no one carries that much cash. I have a credit card. Unlike SOME people I have an UNLIMITED card.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but I cannot run your card with no power. If you will please give me your items, I will hold them here. We need to vacate the store now, please.”

    Customer: “It’s an UNLIMITED CARD. Do you understand what that means? It means I CAN’T be denied! UNLIMITED!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but I still have to run the card. Please give me your items.”

    Customer: “NO! You’re going to steal my things. I have an UNLIMITED CARD!”

    (Finally my manager and a security guard were able to get her out of the store until power was restored. The best part? When she came back to buy her items, her card was declined.)

    Pleasantness Is The Best Medicine

    | OR, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (I’m at the pharmacy and they have been having issues with my medication: not in yet, not the right amount, or not in stock. Today it is a misread order, and I did not get the amount I am supposed to, so they ask if I can come back on Monday.)

    Pharmacist: “Haven’t you been here almost every day for one thing or another?”

    Me: “All but Friday.”

    Pharmacist: “I’m sorry we keep having to have you come back in.”

    Me: “That’s okay.”

    Pharmacist: “And you’re still so nice about it?”

    Me: “Why wouldn’t I be?”

    Pharmacist: *shakes my hand* “Bless you.”

    Me: “Anyone who works behind a counter deserves respect until they show me otherwise.”

    Pharmacist: “Can you teach our other customers that?”

    Me: “I wish I could.”

    I’m Over Your Hangover

    | Perth, WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (I’m another customer waiting for my prescription. A young hungover male customer is talking to the pharmacy staff. She is asking him some questions to be sure he’s not drug seeking.)

    Customer: “I need some strong headache stuff.”

    Pharmacist: “Okay sir, just a couple of questions. Are you allergic to anything?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Pharmacist: “Okay, are you taking any other medications?”

    Customer: *annoyed sigh* “NO! D*** it, I had too much to drink last night and my head f****** hurts; just give me the f***** tablets.”

    (I hadn’t noticed the head pharmacist hovering till the man got aggravated. He is a 6 foot tall, usually quietly spoken, older man.)

    Head Pharmacist: “Sir, there is absolutely no need to swear at [Pharmacist]. She has to ask these questions for your safety.” *hands over some headache tablets* “Here you go, sir.”

    Customer: “Whatever.”

    (He pays and leaves. The pharmacist turns to her coworker.)

    Pharmacist: “I should’ve given him the strongest laxatives we have.”

    (I couldn’t help but giggle.)

    Trying To Avoid A Razor-Sharp Employee

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m working as a cashier and this sweet-seeming older woman comes up to my counter to buy a razor.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you?” *scanning her items as we speak*

    Customer: “Wonderful. How are you?”

    Me: “I’m doing well, thank you. Your total is $14.”

    Customer: “What?! No, that’s five dollars! The bin said it was five dollars!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, this product is $14. Perhaps someone just put it into the $5 bin because they wanted the cheaper item?”

    (I get someone to check and the bin is full of a totally different razor set, which I suspected would be the case, especially because this razor was a really nice razor. So we explain this.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! This is false advertising! You should be sued!”

    (She leaves really quickly, while shouting. The associate who was standing there the whole time after checking the bins starts laughing.)

    Me: “What?”

    Associate: “She tried buying that same razor yesterday with an expired coupon.”

    When You Know You’ve Worked Too Many Doubles

    , | Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working the drive-thru late at night when a man pulls up to the window wearing a latex horse mask; his friend in the passenger’s seat is wearing a Guy Fawkes mask.)

    Driver: “Evening. I’d like some cheese, please.”

    (I stand there for a few seconds, wondering if I’m dreaming.)

    Me: “…you mean a cheeseburger?”

    Driver: “No, just a slice of cheese, thanks.”

    (Without breaking my line of sight with the driver, I grab a single slice of cheese and give it to him.)

    Driver: “Thank you. Would you like a turtle?”

    (The passenger reaches into the back seat and pulls from it a large snapping turtle.)

    Me: “No thank you, sir.”

    Driver: “You sure? His name’s Waylon.”

    Me: “I’m sure, sir.”

    Driver: “Well, have a nice night.”

    (I have yet to tell any of my co-workers about this in fear of them laughing and saying I made it up.)

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