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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Free Karma With Purchase

    | Hamlin, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (I have just clocked out. I am in the employee break room gathering my things to leave, when a customer comes barging in.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! There is a line of fifty people out here! We need you to open your register!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m clocked out and don’t have a drawer in. I’m sorry, but she’s doing the best she can right now.”

    Customer: “Well that’s just ridiculous! I need to get checked out!”

    (The customer leaves the employee break room to go back in line and rant to her companion.)

    Customer: “Can you believe it? She’s clocked out! This is ridiculous!”

    (Upon seeing that there is in fact a longer line, I grab a drawer and open a register while still clocked out. After I check out five or so people, the woman comes back over, bags in hand.)

    Customer: “Well, THANK YOU.”

    (Another customer, who had been standing behind her the whole time, approaches me with a smile.)

    Another customer: “I’m currently disabled and don’t have my crutches, so standing is excruciating, but I’m going to take my time. I’m blocking that b**** in, and I want to make her wait!”

    An Idiom In Sheep’s Clothing

    | Iowa, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am a running through a rather elderly lady’s groceries.)

    Me: “Did you find everything all right today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, I did. Well…”

    Me: “Anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Your shirt is nice; such a lovely material. I will add that to my purchase, please.”

    Me: “Oh. Well, actually, I purchased this at [clothing store].”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll take your shirt please.”

    Me: “Um, ma’am, I’m afraid I am unable to give you my shirt.”

    Customer: “No, I’m the customer. You asked if I needed anything. I need your shirt!”

    (At this point, she attempts to pull it off of me. Upon seeing a fleet of coworkers heading towards me, she runs out of the store, leaving her groceries behind.)

    Manager: “What did she want?!”

    Me: “Literally the shirt off my back!”

    I’m A Renaissance Woman

    | Princeton, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (The computers at checkout have lately been asking for the full birthdate of everyone purchasing cigarettes. While technically, we card everyone, a lot of our older customers complained at first, so we are allowed to simply request their birthdate rather than ask to see their ID.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like [cigarettes], please.”

    Me: “Alright. I’ll need your date of birth, please.”

    Customer: “What? Make something up.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the computer needs a birth date in order to sell this product.”

    Customer: “Well, you’re not getting it. Make something up!”

    Me: “Um.”

    (I put in January 1st, but leave the year free.)

    Me: “Okay, I put in January 1st, but I’m going to need the year, at least.”

    Customer: “Fine…1600.”

    Me: “Something reasonable, ma’am.”

    Self-Fulfilling Animosity

    , | Minneapolis, MN, USA | At The Checkout

    (The store I work at does engravings on items people bring in. A woman comes in with a bag of name tags.)

    Customer: “How much would it be to get two of these engraved?”

    Me: “$22.”

    Customer: “What? Thats ridiculous! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here last week!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you don’t agree with the price. It’s not something I can change.”

    Customer: “Ugh! That’s just way too expensive! I’m never shopping here again after this! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here a few weeks ago!”

    Me: “How did your wedding order turn out?”

    Customer: “It was great. I loved it.”

    Me: “Good. So, are these name tags for your company?”

    Customer: “Yes, we have a customer service event on Thursday.”

    Me: “So your company is paying for the engraving, not you?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Then why are you so upset?”

    Customer: *blank look* “It’s Monday…”

    Role-play In Everyday Life

    | Onley, VA, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am working as a cashier when a customer comes up with a lot of school supplies.)

    Me: “Let me guess, you’re a teacher, right?”

    Customer #1: “Guilty as charged.”

    (We start talking about teaching as I’m bagging her merchandise. Another customer starts unloading her cart onto my conveyor.)

    Customer #2: “Hey! Can you guess what I am?”

    (I take a look at her items. They are all fresh produce, fruits, and veggies.)

    Me: “I…uh…”

    Customer #2: “I’M A RABBIT!”

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