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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Not Exactly Gifted

    | Culver City, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (Customer has been hovering around my register for the past few minutes.)

    Me: “Can I help you find something, sir?”

    Customer: “Do these gift cards have expiration dates?”

    Me: “Nope, they’ll last until you feel like spending them.”

    Customer: “Oh. Uh, where can I find the restroom?”

    (As soon as I turn around and point to the bathroom, he grabs a rack of gift cards and sprints for the door, trailing cards behind him.)

    Me: *yelling after him* “Sir, those don’t have anything on them until you purchase them.”

    (He stops at the door for a moment, then sheepishly returns and puts the rack back.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you guys have a freaking sign out saying they’re empty?!”

    Read Her Lips

    | Brisbane, Australia | At The Checkout, Money, Top

    (I am scanning a customer’s order when I notice she is buying a $30 lip-gloss that is also being given away with a magazine).

    Me: "Miss, if you’d like to buy [magazine] for $7.20, you get this exact lip-gloss free inside."

    Customer: "But I don’t want the magazine. I just want the lip-gloss."

    Me: "I understand, but even if you give the magazine away, you still get the lip-gloss for $7.20 and save $22.80."

    Customer: "Do I look like a charity? I’m not going to give away a $7 magazine. Haven’t you heard of saving money?"

    Me: "Well yes, what I’m saying is you can save money by buying the magazine–"

    Customer: "Stop trying to rip me off and scan my lip-gloss!"

    (I ring up her lip-gloss for $30 and she storms off. The next customer puts the same magazine on the counter.)

    Next Customer: "I don’t want it either, but I have half a brain."

    Stuck In Retail H***

    | Westfield, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Religion

    Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m rich with the love of the Lord.”

    (The customer places a pamphlet about religion on the register in front of me.)

    Me: “Oh…I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. Thank you.”

    Customer: “That is exactly why you need it. Sin is everywhere.”

    (I finish bagging the items and place the pamphlet in her bag.)

    Me: “Thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day!”

    Customer: “Go to h***!”

    Death By A-Salt

    | Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners, Top

    Customer: “I checked your flyer and it said that [Major Brand] margarine was on sale this week.”

    Me: “I don’t believe so, but I will check our flyer to see.”

    (As I’m flipping through the pages she stops when she sees an advertisement for a sale.)

    Customer: “See, right there. It says save $2.98.”

    Me:”I’m sorry, ma’am, but it says save $2.98 when you buy [Company Brand] Margarine, not [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “Oh, well my husband needs the salt-free kind, and [Company Brand] doesn’t make a salt-free.”

    Me: “Well that’s not the one that’s on sale.”

    Customer: “Well he needs a salt-free kind.”

    Me: “Well, then you’ll have to buy the [Major Brand] one.”

    Customer: “But it’s not on sale, and he needs a salt-free.”

    Me: “Yes, I heard you ma’am, but if [Company Brand], doesn’t make a salt free margarine, then you will have to buy the [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “You don’t understand. My husband needs a salt-free margarine. If he has a normal margarine, it will spike his sodium and he’ll die.”

    Me: “Then you’ll have to buy the [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “But it’s not on sale.”

    Me: “Well, there’s nothing I can do about it, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You really don’t care anything about my husband’s health, do you? You don’t care that he could die so easily do you?”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s not that I don’t care. You can buy the salt-free [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “But that margarine isn’t on sale! You are just going to stand there and murder my husband!”

    Not The Only Hollow Thing In The Store

    | Culver City, CA, USA | At The Checkout

    Customer: “Do you have any record players?”

    Me: “We only have one model, but they’re all sold out right now.”

    (She leaves and comes back five minutes later.)

    Customer: “Ha! I found one! I knew you were lying to me!”

    (She carries the very large and heavy display version of the turntable from a few aisles over.)

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, I can’t sell you the display.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, for one thing, I can’t open the case around it. Second, the one in there is just hollowed-out plastic. It’s not a working player.”

    Customer: “So, can I get it at a discount?”


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