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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Less Is More Dumb

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Technology

    (A manufacturer is running a promotion for the first batch of their smartphones, so some come with an 8GB SD card instead of a 2GB one. The box still says “Comes with 2GB SD Card”, but actually contains an 8GB SD card.)

    Me: “So, here is your new phone, and here is the box. Inside you’ll find the USB Cable, wall adaptor, and an SD Card.”

    Customer: *inspecting box contents* “Um, there is a mistake. I got an 8GB SD card when it should have been a 2GB card.”

    Me: “Oh! Well that’s excellent! That saves you some money!”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t! I’m being ripped off! [Company] thinks that we customers are so stupid and we don’t check to make sure we are getting everything that’s supposed to be included. Well, I’m not stupid. I always check the box to make sure they aren’t trying to trick me!”

    Me: “Would you like me to give you a 2GB SD card instead of the 8GB card?”

    Customer: “Obviously! Fool me once!”

    No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, Part 2

    | Utah, USA | At The Checkout

    Boss: “Hey, I need to talk to you for a second.”

    Me: “Is there a problem?”

    Boss: “I received a complaint about you from a customer. By our rules we have to pull you aside and tell you.”

    Me: “Okay, what’s the complaint?”

    Boss: “Um, you were too nice.”

    Me: “Come again?”

    Boss: “Apparently, you were trying too hard to be nice and doing your job bagging for her. She got offended by it, so….be more careful, I guess.”

    Me: “Wait, I’m in trouble because I was being too nice?”

    Boss: “Yeah.”

    Me: “This is a new one.”

    Related:
    No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

    Your Own Worst Critic

    | Memphis, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry

    (A woman comes into the store and walks up to the clerk.)

    Customer: “Some lady parked wrong and is blocking all of the traffic in the parking lot.”

    Me: “Did you see her come into this store?”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t see her at all.”

    Me: “Then, how do you know that it was a woman?”

    Customer: “Because women always do things wrong.”

    (The woman in line behind her gasps at this.)

    Customer: “Well, that’s what my husband tells me.”

    Numbers Don’t Lie

    | Perth, Western Australia, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m a checkout assistant at a supermarket working the night of Halloween. A teenager and his girlfriend come to the checkout at about 8pm with three dozen eggs.)

    Me: “You’re not the ones who have been egging people in the carpark, are you?”

    Customer: “Uh, no. We, um, just want to make an omelette.”

    Me: “You’re making a thirty-six egg omelette? How big is your frying pan?”

    Customer: “S***.” *runs out of the store*

    Team Cougar

    | Michigan, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am working at the checkout when a mother in her 60s and daughter in her 40s walk up to checkout. There is a rack of magazines next to my register, including one with pictures from the upcoming Twilight movie.)

    Daughter: “That Taylor Lautner is hot! Don’t you think so?”

    Mother: “Oh, yeah, he’s much hotter than that Rob Pattinson guy.”

    (I must have given them weird looks because the daughter now looks at me and begins to speak loudly and defensively.)

    Daughter, to me: “What?! He’s legal!”

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