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  • Customer Service Is Over(reaction)
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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Zombies Need Friends Too

    | Natick, MA, USA | At The Checkout

    (I’m ringing up a mother and her daughter, about 8 years old, at the register. My computer is messing up, so sometimes when I scan an item, it comes up as a different item with the wrong price.)

    Me: “I’m sorry about this. My computer seems to be acting up.”

    Girl: “Maybe it’s broken!”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s probably true.”

    Girl: *excitedly* “Or…maybe zombies got it!”

    Me: *plays along* “Oh yeah, that’s a good possibility too!”

    Girl: “Yeah, zombies are people that used to be dead, and then they came back to life!”

    Me: “Wow, that sounds pretty creepy!”

    (The girl chatters on about zombies and other stuff while I finish cashing her mother out for their purchases.)

    Me: *hands them their bags* “Alright, you have a good day, and look out for zombies!”

    Girl: “Oh, don’t worry! That only happens in nightmares. Just make sure you dream about good zombies!”

    Me: “Got it, I’ll make sure I do!”

    Related:
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    Zombies Need Healthcare Too
    Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

    How About A Pound Of Cherries For A Pound Of Money

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    Customer: “How much are the cherries?”

    Me: “$3.49 a pound.”

    Customer: “Okay. Well, I have a pound. How much is it?”

    Me: “$3.49.”

    Customer: “Why? Shouldn’t it be less?”

    Me: “It’s $3.49 a pound. You have a pound, so it’s $3.49.”

    Customer: “No, that doesn’t make sense. Just take them off!”

    Stealer’s Remorse

    | Cambridge, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Top

    (We sell, among other things, cards for a popular trading card game. A customer walks in, walks directly to the counter, and pulls a few cards out of his pocket.)

    Customer: “I’d like to purchase these, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, purchase? Don’t you mean sell?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I didn’t have the money at the time. However, I didn’t want anybody else to get them, so I just left with them. I’d like to pay for them now, thanks.”

    Supermarket, The Musical

    | Gainesville, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Musical Mayhem

    (It has been a quiet morning but the store has been filling up and it is very loud. My ears haven’t quite adjusted yet.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you?”

    (I begin scanning and bagging her items.)

    Customer: *mumbling*

    Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

    (The customer mumbles, and then begins singing something unintelligible. We play music in the store, so I thought she was singing along.)

    Customer: *gradually increasing in volume* “No bag…no bag…NO bag…NO BAG!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, are you singing, ‘No bag’?”

    Customer: “Well, I told you a couple of times, but you went ahead and started bagging, so I decided to sing it!”

    My Daddy Pays For Necessities

    | Blacksburg, VA, USA | At The Checkout

    (Two girls are walking up to my register with a large quantity of beer.)

    Girl #1: “I know it sucks, but you have to remember that we have to live in the real world now.”

    Girl #2: “I know. I think I might hate the real world.”

    (I check their IDs and tell them the total. The girl paying hands me her college charge card.)

    Me: “You do realize that in the real world, your parents don’t buy your alcohol, right?”


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