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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Whine Isn’t Gonna Get You Your Wine

    | Enniskillen, Northern Ireland, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

    (I look young for my age and see no point in getting aggressive when asked for ID. However, the picture is old and has been refused before, so I try to get by without it. Alcohol is generally cheaper in Northern Ireland and I’m originally from a border town. This happens on a trip “up North” with friends from “the South”, AKA the Republic of Ireland.)

    Cashier: *before scanning a bottle of wine in my basket* “Have you any ID?”

    Me: “It’s out in the car somewhere, but I am 23.”

    My Friend: “I can vouch for her. She is of age.”

    Cashier: “Sorry, but I can’t let her without seeing ID. It’s store policy.”

    My Friend: “Okay, then, I’ll pay for it.”

    Cashier: “Can’t do that either. I’m sorry, but I’m just doing my job.”

    Me: “It’s fine, really. It happens all the time. I’ll just get the groceries.”

    Cashier: “I’m really sorry. Just we get a lot of young ones in trying to buy drinks.”

    Me: “I know. I’m from [town just over the border]. We used to come up here all the time when we were younger.”

    Cashier: “I feel terrible. Most people get angry, but you’re being so nice!”

    Me: “It happens all the time; don’t worry! There’s no point getting angry; it’s your job to ask.”

    (I go out to the car, get my passport, and make sure to go back through her lane.)

    Me: “Back again! The picture’s old, but it is me, I promise!”

    Cashier: *checks picture and DOB* “I’ll tell you now, when you’re my age, you’ll appreciate being asked! Thanks a million! It’s great to not be shouted at for once!”

    Together And Equal

    | Billings, MT, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (I am a cashier. Sometimes people will go through a checkout line sharing a cart. Two middle-aged women come through the line.)

    Me: *pointing at their purchases* “Are you two together?”

    (Woman #1 looks lovingly into Woman #2′s eyes and holds her hands.)

    Woman #1: “Yes, we are…”

    Woman #2: “Honey, I think she meant if we’re buying all this together.”

    Woman #1: “Oh. No, we’re separate. Two transactions, please!”

    These Aren’t The Bags I’m Looking For

    | England, UK | At The Checkout, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working New Years Eve on the tills when three rather older women come into the store. After I serve them, the door alarm goes off right after they leave. My manager goes to investigate.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry, ladies, but I’m going to need to check your bags and receipts in case you took something.”

    Woman #1: “No, we didn’t take anything. We swear!”

    Manager: “Well, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to come back into the store and your bags be searched.”

    Woman #1: “No, we haven’t stolen! Look!”

    (Suddenly, the women—all in their fifties at least—begin to lift up their long skirts and tops and pull down their bras a bit. Not finding anything, my manager lets them go and comes back into the store.)

    Manager: “Thank God I get to go home and get drunk soon. I need a stiff whiskey to get those images out of my head!”

    Urine A Lot Of Trouble Now

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (A man walks to the counter and sets his item down. I grab the box without looking and scan it.)

    Me: “How you doin’?”

    Customer: “You tell me!”

    (I look down at the box I’m holding. It reads “Urinary Pain Relief”.)

    When Intelligences Cancel Out

    | New Zealand | At The Checkout, Money, Top

    (I am a checkout operator in a supermarket, and I have just finished ringing up a customer’s order. )

    Me: “So, that comes to a total of $36.76.  Is there anything else?”

    Customer: “I also want a $50 gift card.”

    (I add on the gift card and hand it to her.)

    Me: “Okay, now the total is $86.76. Will that be all today?”

    Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

    Me: “How would you like to pay for your order?”

    Customer: “I’d like to use this gift card.” *hands me the same $50 gift card that I just activated for her*

    Me: “Uh, you still need to pay for this gift card.”

    Customer: “Yes, but I’d like to pay for it with the gift card.”

    Me: “But the gift card is worth $50.  Your order is $86.76.”

    Customer: *rolls eyes* “Uh-huh, so just pay $50 of it with the gift card, and I’ll give you cash for the rest!”

    Me: “So that will take your total back to the original $36.76.”

    Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “Duh!”

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