Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,122 thumbs up)
  • Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Dumbing On Empty

    | New Jersey, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I am a cashier at a popular home improvement store, and on this particular day I am working refunds. A customer comes into the store pushing in a new ride-on lawn mower.)

    Me: “Good morning, what can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “Your incompetent associates sold me this tractor, and it doesn’t even work! I demand a refund?”

    Me: “No problem, sir. May I see your receipt?”

    Customer: “I don’t have my receipt, but I bought it yesterday. All I want to do is get another, and I need it NOW!”

    Me: “Well, I need to call an associate from the department to see what is wrong with the tractor. Maybe it can easily be fixed.”

    (I phone a season associate and he comes over to look at the tractor. He proceeds to ask the customer what is wrong with it.)

    Customer: “I spent thousands of dollars on this. You…” *points to seasonal associate* “…sold me this piece of s***! I turned the key and it doesn’t even turn on!”

    Other Associate: “Sir, there’s no gas in it.”

    Customer: “Of course there’s no gas in it! Give me a working one NOW!”

    Other Associate: “It needs gas to run. You know, like a car.”

    (The customer angrily argues that gas will not fix the problem and refuses to listen. My fellow associate takes it outside, puts gas in it and it starts right away. The other associate walks in alone and the customer drives off with his working tractor.)

    Me: “Is it going to be that kind of day?”

    Other Associate: “Yep, I think so. Put gas in it and it’s working just fine. Guy was too embarrassed to come in and apologize!”

    Courage Under Hire

    | Montreal, Quebec, Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m in the back, preparing for my shift. It’s past rush hour, but the station is still busy. My coworker is working the till, and there’s a line of customers.)

    Coworker: “Good evening. What pump did you have?”

    (Suddenly, the customer pulls out a BIG hunting knife.)

    Customer: *threatening* “Give me the cash!”

    Coworker: *annoyed* “Did you have gas to pay for or not? It’s late. There are people behind you in line waiting to pay and go home, and you’re holding up the line.”

    Customer: *lowers knife* “Oh, sorry.”

    (To everyone’s surprise, the would-be robber leaves, dejected. Everyone just stares at my coworker, dumbfounded.)

    Coworker: “Wait, was he trying to rob us?”

    Next Customer: “Balls of steel, man!”

    (My coworker realizes what he’s done, and starts freaking out. He was a bit shaken for an hour or so, but was okay afterwards.)

    No Dime Or Reason

    | California, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

    (I work at a store where every item is $1 or less. It’s an average Sunday afternoon when a woman wearing a nice dress and heels and her friend approach my register.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you? Did you find everything okay?”

    Customer #1: *eyes bulge as though she has been offended and glares at me.*

    (I shake it off and ring her up for $2.90 worth of merchandise. The woman then pays with a $100 bill. I carefully count out her $97 dollars to her, and hand her the 10 cents. At the last second, her hand overturns and the dime falls somewhere beneath the register. I try to find it, but can’t.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t find your dime. It might have fallen on your side of the register?”

    Customer #1: “You THREW change at me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t throw anything. I’ll call up my manager and I can get you another dime from my till.”

    (I intercom my manager, who tells me she won’t come to the front because she’s on her break.)

    Customer #1: *clutches the $97* “I WANT MY MONEY!”

    (The couple behind her in line are watching with their mouths hanging open. The man mouths, “I’m sorry” to me and then speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “Here, ma’am. Here’s a quarter. You are holding up the line, so can you please go?”

    Customer #1: *to Customer #2* “I am SO sorry…” *points at me* “…SHE is horrible!”

    Customer #2: “Well, take my quarter.”

    Customer #1: “NO! I want MY dime!”

    Customer #1′s Friend: *to me* “Yes, miss, you need to apologize to her and give her the money!”

    (Customer #2 once again tries to get Customer #1 to take the quarter and leave. Finally, she storms out, stomping her feet the whole way.)

    Customer #2: “Wow… do you deal with this a lot?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, yes.”

    Customer #2′s Wife: “Hey look, I found a dime!”

    (My manager and I later reviewed the security video. In it, Customer #1 clearly turned over her hand and dropped the dime by her feet!)

    Not Feeling Your Fetishes

    | Mankato, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m ringing a customer up, when suddenly she runs her fingers through my hair as I’m leaning down to write something.)

    Customer: “Sorry! Couldn’t resist. Such soft hair! I have a hair fetish… and a foot fetish. But only if they’re clean. You have clean fingernails! So, you’re good.”

    Me: “Uh, thanks…”

    Price Check Yo Self

    | Oxford, ME, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (A man comes up to my register with a cart FULL of different brands and sizes of beer.)

    Customer #1: “Can you tell me the price for each one of these? I’m not sure which ones I want.”

    (Because of how many types of beer he has, I know this will take a long time and will hold up the line, so I try another approach.)

    Me: “The price for each one should have been listed on the shelf in front of them.”

    Customer #1: “Well, they weren’t!”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (The customer hands me them. I scan each one and tell him the price. As I expected, an unhappy line of customers has formed behind him due to how long it’s taking.)

    Me: “Which ones do you want?”

    Customer #1: *counts out a handful of change* “Hmm… do you have any for less than $1.17?”

    Me: “Uh, no. The 6-packs are the cheapest, and they’re all around $5 at least.”

    (The other customers waiting in line are fed up, and one finally speaks up.)

    Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “Wait a second! Let me get this straight! You had her check the price of all of that beer, making us all wait, and you have less than $2?!”

    Customer #1: “Well, not that it’s any of your business but… yes! It’s her job, after all!”

    Customer #2: “Why didn’t you stop her after the 6-packs? Those are obviously going to be cheaper than the larger packs!”

    Customer #1: “Not necessarily!”

    Customer #3: “Will you just get out of the way?”

    Other Customers: *yelling in agreement*

    (Customer #1 walks off. The rest of the customers in line help me load all the beer back into the cart and then return to the line.)

    Me: “I’m sorry that took so long everyone!”

    Customer #2: “Not your fault! You were just trying to provide good customer service! You didn’t know he was a moron!”

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