Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

Got To Give Him Credit For Trying

| MD, USA | At The Checkout, Money

(We just opened for service. Our first customer of the day comes in.)

Customer: “Hi, do you guys take [credit card name]?”

Coworker: “No, sorry, sir.”

(The customer leaves, but he comes back about an hour later.)

Customer: “Hi! Do you guys take [credit card name]?”

Coworker: “Nope, sorry. But we take checks!”

Customer: “Nope, that doesn’t work. Thanks anyway.”

(An hour later, he comes back.)

Customer: “Still not taking [credit card name]?”

Coworker: “Nope, sorry!”

Customer: “Okay…”

(He leaves, again. An hour later..)

Customer: “NOW do you take [credit card name]?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we do not.”

Customer: “Jeez, I’m never coming back here! You guys never take [credit card name]!”

(He storms out. At the end of the day…)

Customer: “So, how about now?”

Gramps Grumps

| MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Love/Romance

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Old man: “MEAN!”

Me: “Oh no, that’s no good.”

Old man: “Yeah, it scares off all the pretty ladies.”

Me: “Well, you don’t want to scare them off; that’s no good.”

Old man: “I’m 80; I can’t do anything else with them. I might as well scare them away; makes it easier for me that way!”

Kicking Off Over A Kicking Off

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Wild & Unruly

(I am cashing out a couple who is buying a laptop and some anti-virus software. We have a deal; if you purchase a computer, your anti-virus will be free for six months or $20 for one year. One of the store managers is coaching me.)

Me: “So, would you like six months of free anti-virus or one year for $20?”

Customer: “The guy back there told us it was $17!”

Manager: “No, it is actually $20.”

Customer: “SO HE LIED?!”

Manager: “Seems like he did.”

Customer: “I’M GOING TO GO BACK THERE AND KICK HIS A**!”

Manager: “Go ahead.”

(The customer, her husband, and I are all taken aback.)

Customer: “…Really?”

Manager: “Actually, let me go get him.”

(My manager leaves my register, and heads to our computer department. The customer’s wife is now laughing while the husband starts to sweat.)

Customer: “Is he coming back? I was just joking! I still want the one year. I’m sorry! I was just joking!”

(The couple quickly pays and leaves before the manager comes back to my register.)

A Mini Point Makes A Large Difference

| Derby, England, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

(Two customers have entered. Customer #1 points at me, and starts talking to his friend.)

Customer #1: “Jesus! Check out that Snooty-B**** on the till!”

Customer #2: “Dude, chill out! Have some respect!”

Customer #1: “She’s way too dumb for that! B**** needs to be put in her place!”

(The customer proceeds to harass me about my education, my appearance, and anything he can get to, before he eventually decides to order. I’ve been totally silent.)

Me: “Thank you for that. What can I get for you today?”

Customer #1: “Ha! I’ll get one of those large, mini fillets burgers; think you can manage that?”

Me: “A large mini fillet burger?”

Customer #1: “Um, duh?! I told you that you were thick as s***!”

Me: “A large mini fillet burger? So… a fillet burger, then?”

(Customer #1is speechless.)

Customer #2: “Yeah… you sure put her in her place.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17

| Reston, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Technology

Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like to get a refund for an item I purchased from your online store.”

Me: “Sure, I can help with that. Just let me see the item so I can pull it up in our system.”

Customer: “Well, the item hasn’t arrived yet. It’s still being delivered.”

Me: “Oh, we won’t be able to issue a refund unless you actually give us something to refund. When the item arrives, bring it back here and we can give you your money back, no problem!”

Customer: “I can’t believe you won’t give me a freaking refund! This is unacceptable! I bought the item, and you d*** well better give me my money back!”

Me: “Sir, I understand that you’d like to get your money refunded. Without giving us your item back, it’s like we’re just giving it to you. We can’t give you the money today, only to have you return here a few days later to give us the item back!”

Customer: “Well, why would I need to return here? I would have already gotten my money back by then!”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

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