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  • Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Scan-dalous

    | Kerang, Victoria, Australia | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (I’m working a cash register at a supermarket.)

    Me: “G’day, how’s it going?”

    Customer: “Yeah, pretty good, thanks.”

    (I begin to scan her items.)

    Me: “So do you have any plans for the rest of your day?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I hope to get laid for the first time in three years!”

    (I look over to see she had amongst her groceries: several punnets of strawberries, dipping chocolate, oysters, condoms, and personal lubricant.)

    Customer: *beaming*

    (I return to scanning her items in silence. She pays and gathers her items.)

    Me: “Have a great night.”

    Customer: “Oh, believe me, I will!”

    Common Courtesies: Not For Commoners, Part 2

    | New York, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (A couple and their 5-year-old child comes into my 20 items or less lane. However, they have a large, overflowing cart with clearly more than 20 items.)

    Me: “Hi, I’m sorry but are you aware this lane is 20 items or less?”

    Customer: “Does it matter? Take care of us!”

    (The customer starts unloading her items on the tiny counter. Meanwhile, her child is standing in the cart and starts throwing things.)

    Me: *to the customer’s child* “Alright, sweetie, please don’t throw things.”

    Customer: “Excuse me? Don’t you dare tell my kid what to do!”

    Me: “Ma’am, he’s throwing things. He could hurt—”

    (At this point the kid hefts up a very large can of broth and throws it at me, hitting me in the face.)

    Customer’s Child: *laughs*

    Customer: “Oh! Isn’t he cute?! Good job sweetie! We don’t treat these people nice. It’s good to learn early to make them shut up!”

    (Another cashier took over for me so I could attend to my injuries, but before security could get there they had left the store. Thankfully nothing was broken, but I had a pretty bashed up looking face for a while!)

    Related:
    Common Courtesies: Not For Commoners

    It Pays To Be Patient, Part 4

    | MA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (I work in a medical uniform store. The first customer of the day comes into our store with her father; she’s making a big return on several different items. Instead of doing an even exchange, she picks out different clothes as well as adding a watch that wasn’t originally with the purchase. I’ve rung everything through and the new total is five or six dollars above $100. This is important, as the place she works at gives her a $100 allowance at our store.)

    Customer: “Are you sure the price is right?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, one of the tops rang up above price, but I knocked it down to the ticketed price for you.”

    Customer: “What about the money from my return?”

    Me: “It was taken out of what you were buying already. [Price] is what’s left over after the return money has been taken out.”

    Customer: “That’s still not right. I took a cheaper pair of shoes to afford the watch.”

    Me: “Let me show you how this breaks down…”

    (I take out the register calculator and add up her returns for her. I then add up her purchases total, which comes out bigger than the returns. She makes me repeat this another time. Meanwhile a line is starting to form with other customers; it’s a small store and I’m the only register open. She decides to switch tactics.)

    Customer: “I think I was overcharged when I first bought the clothes. The tag and the charge on the receipt don’t match, see?”

    (She holds out the original receipt and makes me recalculate everything again. Sure enough, she hasn’t been overcharged on anything. As the line is growing longer, she switches tactics again.)

    Customer: “I get a discount for working at [hospital] right?”

    Me: “Normally, yes, but that’s only for full priced items. All of yours are already on sale. I can’t compound discounts.”

    Customer: “But I work at [hospital]! You should give me the discount!”

    Me: “Ma’am, store policy says I cannot put a hospital discount on something that is already discounted.”

    Customer: “The girl who rang me up the first time did!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we just went through the receipt. Nowhere were you given a hospital discount when the item was already on sale. And, regardless, that was her and this is me; store policy says I cannot compound the discount.”

    (The customer opens her mouth to try again, but thankfully her father, who has been patiently waiting along with the other customers in line, intervenes.)

    Customer’s Father: “She has given you all the discounts she can. Here, I will pay for it.”

    (He hands me the money, I finish the transaction, and they leave. The next customer in line steps up and I thank her for waiting.)

    Next Customer: “You have a lot of patience, young lady! I would have kicked her out of the store a long time ago.”

    Related:
    It Pays To Be Patient, Part 3
    It Pays To Be Patient, Part 2
    It Pays To Be Patient

    Good Money Drive-Thrus Out Bad

    | Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money, Top

    (I am working drive-thru at a major coffee shop chain. Every once in awhile, customers will “pay it forward” by paying for the order of the vehicle behind them. This is a happy surprise for the next customer, and usually causes them to pay for the order of the next vehicle and so on. We’re currently in the middle of a “pay it forward” chain when the following customer pulls up at the window.)

    Me: “Hello, your total is $3.49, but the car in front of you has already paid for it.”

    Customer: “What the f***?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s been going for 11 cars in a row. You can pay it forward if you’d like to keep the good deed going. No pressure, though.”

    Customer: “F*** that! I’ll pay for my own coffee. Not paying for some clown behind me!”

    Me: “Not a problem. Your order has been paid for. Have a good day.”

    Customer: “Are you deaf?! I said I am paying for it! This is such a scam getting people to pay for others. You’re what’s wrong with the world today, you know!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for trying to give you your order for free.”

    Customer: “That’s right, and don’t you DARE use my money to pay for the person behind me, you punk!”

    (The customer peels away. As for their money, I used it to keep the chain going, which lasted for another 14 vehicles.)

    Makes No Difference How Things End Up

    | Colorado, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Rude & Risque, Top

    Me: “Alright, sir, your total is $69.19.”

    Customer: “Oh my god! 69! That’s hilarious!”

    (Suddenly, the customer becomes sad.)

    Customer: “Oh… but I have this coupon…”

    (He hands me a 50 cents off coupon.)

    Me: “That’s alright, sir! That coupon will take 50 cents off. Your total is now $68.69!”

    Customer: *dumbstruck* “This place is magical!”

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