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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    On A Berating And A Prayer

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (It’s 8 am on a Sunday morning, and only my second day working the register alone at a very large, well-known 24-hour store. Two customers come up to my register with four carts overflowing with food.)

    Me: “Good morning, how are you today?” *starts scanning and bagging items*

    Younger Customer: “Hello, these are separate orders.”

    Me: “Oh, okay! Just let me know when to stop for the first order.”

    Older Customer: “Who said to scan this stuff?! What’s wrong with you!? Did I say we were ready for you to start? Are you stupid?”

    Me: “Oh! Um…I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

    Older Customer: “You should!”

    (At this point, the older customer begins to dig through the carts with the younger customer, separating things and barking at me to scan items here and there. After a bit, she asks me the price of a box of crackers.)

    Me: *checks the price on the register* “They’re [price].”

    Older Customer: “No! It said something else! It was a different price!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I can have someone check—”

    Older Customer: “You don’t know the price?”

    Me: “Not off the top of my head, no. I just started—”

    Older Customer: “Well, I DO know the prices of everything in the store because I shop here, and that is [price]! GOD, you’re stupid! And what are you doing?! Double bag everything! You’re being an idiot on purpose, aren’t you?!”

    Younger Customer: “Come on, mom. She’s trying her best.”

    Older Customer: “No, she’s too stupid to work here. She shouldn’t be dealing with people if she’s this stupid!”

    (She ended up calling me stupid several more times before leaving. A few months later, she went through another cashier’s line; her profession? A pastor.)

    It Was A Short-Terminology Relationship

    | Wisconsin, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Top

    Me: “Just the belt for you today?”

    Customer: “BELT!”

    (He hands me his belt.)

    Me: “Your total will be $21.09.”

    Customer: “SWIPE!”

    (He swipes his card.)

    Me: “Would you like the receipt with you or in the bag?”

    Customer: “RECEIPT!”

    (I give him his receipt.)

    Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Thank you for allowing this relationship!”

    Driving The Point Home, Part 2

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Top

    (A few customers are milling around the store, including a young woman and a uniformed police officer. Note that 99.9% of people here use a driver’s licence for an ID.)

    Woman: “Pack of [cigarettes], please.”

    Me: “Sure, do you have some ID on you?”

    Woman:No. Why the h*** would you ask me that?!”

    Me: “I’ll need to see some ID before I put these through, sorry. It’s our policy to ID anyone who looks under 25.”

    Woman: “Are you kidding me? I am 25; I just drove here!”

    (This entire time, the officer has been waiting in line behind her, and has overheard the conversation. Upon hearing that she has been driving, the officer makes eye contact with me, and after a second or two it clicks.)

    Me: “Sorry, so you don’t have your driver’s licence on you from the drive here? You know it’s illegal to drive without a licence on you?”

    Woman: “F***ing duh. What’s it to you?”

    Me: “Nothing at all to me, ma’am.” *looking over to the cop* “Sorry, officer, won’t be a second.”

    (The woman turns around and finds herself face-to-face with the police officer, who’s grinning like a child. Long story short, she walked home that day.)

    Related:
    Driving The Point Home

    One Steps Forward, Two Step Back To The Car

    | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | At The Checkout

    (I’m a customer in a well-known chain grocery store and I’m in the express lane behind two other customer. One of the customers is loading a bunch of deli takeout into the checkout while gabbing away on her cellphone.)

    Cashier: *rings her up* “Alright, ma’am, that will be [total].”

    Customer #1: “Oh, hold on…” *to the cashier* “What did you say?”

    Cashier: “Your total’s [total].”

    Customer #1: “What?! But I only got this much!” *shows a small wad of cash*

    Cashier: “Do you want to put anything back?”

    Customer #1: “Oh, h*** no. I got kids to feed!” *back on her phone* “Hold on, girl. I gotta go get my purse out my car and get more cash out.”

    (She flings her cart in the general area of where the carts are stacked and walks out to go get her purse. The cashier voids the transaction, sets the items aside and starts ringing up the second customer.)

    Customer #2: “I can’t stand when people do that. It’s so rude and inconvenient!”

    Cashier: *laughing* “Yeah, it happens…alright, your total is [total].”

    Customer #2: *searches her pockets* “Oh, dear.”

    Cashier: “Forgot your purse in your car too?”

    Customer #2: *sheepishly* “Yes…” *slinks away*

    Driving Miss Crazy, Part 3

    | Askim, Norway | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I work in a supermarket. This particular day, an old lady who is a regular customer comes in. She’s just paid for her groceries.)

    Customer: “Oh, I can’t get home. You have to help me.”

    Me: “Sure, we can call you a taxi. That’s no problem.”

    Customer: “NO! Don’t call a taxi! It’s too expensive! I live on welfare!”

    Me: “Who else should we call?”

    Customer: “I live on welfare. I can’t afford a taxi! It’s too expensive!”

    Me: “Okay, is there anyone else we can call?”

    Customer: *ignores me* “Oh, how am I supposed to get home now?”

    (It’s only fifteen minutes before we close, so I talk to my colleagues about this, and we agree that the quickest and simplest solution is for me to drive her home in my own car. We get to the nursing home where she lives, and I help her bring the groceries to her room.)

    Me: “Okay, there we are. Take care now.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank you very much for your help! That was very kind.”

    (This is the first time I’ve ever heard her say anything nice.)

    Me: *closing door*

    Customer: “YOU DRIVE LIKE A PIG!”

    Related:
    Driving Miss Crazy, Part 2
    Driving Miss Crazy

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