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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    These Aren’t The Bags I’m Looking For

    | England, UK | At The Checkout, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working New Years Eve on the tills when three rather older women come into the store. After I serve them, the door alarm goes off right after they leave. My manager goes to investigate.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry, ladies, but I’m going to need to check your bags and receipts in case you took something.”

    Woman #1: “No, we didn’t take anything. We swear!”

    Manager: “Well, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to come back into the store and your bags be searched.”

    Woman #1: “No, we haven’t stolen! Look!”

    (Suddenly, the women—all in their fifties at least—begin to lift up their long skirts and tops and pull down their bras a bit. Not finding anything, my manager lets them go and comes back into the store.)

    Manager: “Thank God I get to go home and get drunk soon. I need a stiff whiskey to get those images out of my head!”

    Urine A Lot Of Trouble Now

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (A man walks to the counter and sets his item down. I grab the box without looking and scan it.)

    Me: “How you doin’?”

    Customer: “You tell me!”

    (I look down at the box I’m holding. It reads “Urinary Pain Relief”.)

    When Intelligences Cancel Out

    | New Zealand | At The Checkout, Money, Top

    (I am a checkout operator in a supermarket, and I have just finished ringing up a customer’s order. )

    Me: “So, that comes to a total of $36.76.  Is there anything else?”

    Customer: “I also want a $50 gift card.”

    (I add on the gift card and hand it to her.)

    Me: “Okay, now the total is $86.76. Will that be all today?”

    Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

    Me: “How would you like to pay for your order?”

    Customer: “I’d like to use this gift card.” *hands me the same $50 gift card that I just activated for her*

    Me: “Uh, you still need to pay for this gift card.”

    Customer: “Yes, but I’d like to pay for it with the gift card.”

    Me: “But the gift card is worth $50.  Your order is $86.76.”

    Customer: *rolls eyes* “Uh-huh, so just pay $50 of it with the gift card, and I’ll give you cash for the rest!”

    Me: “So that will take your total back to the original $36.76.”

    Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “Duh!”

    You Read My Mind

    | Lake Zurich, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the concession stand at the local movie theater when two teenage girls approach.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, I’d like a large.”

    Me: “A large what?”

    Customer #1: *glares angrily* “A large POP.”

    Me: *stares at her and smiles*

    Customer #1: *angrily* “What?!”

    Customer #2: “Tell him what kind of pop.”

    Customer #1: *laughs* “Oh my God, I’m so blonde!”

    A Solemn Resignation

    | Missouri, USA | At The Checkout

    (An old male customer walks up to my register.)

    Me: “How are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m old and ugly!”

    Me: “Well, thats not a very nice thing to say about yourself.”

    Customer: “You, on the other hand, might get old, but never ugly.”

    Me: “Aww, thanks.”

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