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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Real Numbers, Imaginary Common Sense

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout

    (Our store recently installed numerical locks on our doors due to vandalism. They are a minor annoyance, but usually not a huge issue.)

    Customer: “Can I get the code to your restroom?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, it’s 81818.”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, what was the number?”

    Me: “It’s 81818.”

    Customer: “I’ll never remember that. I need to hear it in real numbers. Can you tell me the code using real numbers please?”

    Me: *confused* “It’s eight-one-eight eighteen.”

    Customer: “No, that’s still not a real number. I need it in real numbers.”

    Me: “Why don’t I just write it down for you?”

    Customer: “No, it’s eighty-one thousand, eight-hundred and eighteen. Was that so hard?!”

    Placebo Me, Part 2

    | USA | At The Checkout

    Customer: “I need a pack of blue [brand] 100′s please.”

    (I go and get exactly the cigarettes that she requested.)

    Me:“Here you go!”

    Customer: “No, I need the blue ones!”

    Me: “Ma’am, these are blue.” *points to the blue label*

    Customer: “No, I want the shorts.”

    (I return the 100′s for the kings, still blue.)

    Customer: “No! I wanted the BLUE ONE-HUNDREDS! Are you color blind? Do you not know what you’re doing?!”

    (I return the kings and return again with the exact same pack of blue 100′s that I gave her the first time.)

    Customer: “That’s better. You might want to get your hearing checked.”

    Related:Placebo Me

    The Fragility Of My Temper

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout

    (The place I work at sells everything for your home. Note, the store is a warehouse and has cement floors. A customer walks up to shelf check out, begins to check out, and drops one of two glass vases. The vase, of course, shatters into pieces.)

    Customer: *walks up to me with the unbroken vase* “I don’t want this vase anymore. I didn’t realize how fragile they were.”

    Me: “You didn’t realize how fragile these glass vases were?”

    Customer: “Yes, and I don’t want to purchase an item that can break this easily.”

    (The customer begins to walk back to her check out. Halfway, she turns around again to address me.)

    Customer: “Oh, and by the way, can you clean up this mess?”

    Jealousy Is A (Rude) Green-Eyed Monster

    | Owen Sound, ON, Canada | At The Checkout

    (I am helping a customer in line when the phone starts ringing.)

    Customer: “Here, I’ll fix that.” *picks up phone and hangs up*

    Me: “Sir, you can’t do that. The people calling are customers, too.”

    Customer: “I don’t want anyone to come between us.”

    (The phone starts ringing again.)

    Customer: “You need to help me first!”

    Me: “Sir, I promise not to answer the phone until we’re finished.”

    Customer: “I can’t take that chance!” *hangs up the phone again*

    Carpal Cola, Please

    , | Parkersburg, WV, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the register at a college cafeteria when a girl about my age walks up. She has a cast wrapped around her hand and wrist.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I broke my hand. Can I get a free bottle of pop?”

    Me: “Um, I can ask my manager.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (I go to the back office and tell my manager what just happened. He’s a really nice guy, but in this situation he just looks at me in disbelief and says no. I go back out to the register.)

    Me: “Sorry, my manager says no.”

    Customer: “Okay.” *laughs* “It was worth a try!”

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