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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Spare Change For Cheap Thrills

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (I am a cashier in a grocery store. I have just rung up an elderly man’s groceries. Keep in mind this man is around 80 years old.)

    Me: “Your total is $52.83, sir.”

    Customer: *holds out hand full of change* “Can you pick out the right amount for me, honey?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I carefully start counting out change from his open hand.)

    Customer: “It’s okay. I’ll let you touch my hand so I can get a thrill. Even at 80, I still get thrills, you know!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Crazy For Sushi

    | New Hampshire, USA | At The Checkout

    (I’m bagging a customer’s groceries.)

    Customer: “If my sushi tips over, I’m gonna punch you in the face!”

    Me: “Um, do you want me to put it in a separate bag for you?”

    Customer: “You’d better.”

    Cost-Benefit Analysis

    , | Dalton, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (A customer comes in to pick up his Viagra prescription. I’m trying not to be awkward and ring him up as if it’s any other order.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “My name is [name]. I need to pick up my prescription.”

    Me: “That will be just a moment.”

    (I get the man’s prescription and proceed to ring him up for it.)

    Me: “Your total today comes out to [price].”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: *I repeat the price*

    Customer: *mumbles* “Still cheaper than a hooker, I guess.” *pays and leaves*

    No Bar And No Bite, Part 2

    | Manchester, UK | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

    (It’s our company policy to not give refunds. It’s stated at all the till points, on receipts, and if a customer asks, we tell them the exact policy. It’s fairly known and it’s also been in effect for years. I’m also studying to be a barrister while working at this store part-time.)

    Customer: “I’d like to get my money back on this.”

    Me: “I’m afraid it’s our policy not to give refunds.”

    Customer: “That’s illegal.”

    Me: “It’s actually well within the law.”

    Customer: “It’s not. I’m a barrister…I should know!”

    Me: “Really? What firm are you with? I’m actually after getting a bit of work experience in law.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve not technically passed the bar yet.”

    Me: “So you’re not a barrister then?”

    Customer: *goes red* “Just give me a gift card then.”

    Related:
    No Bar And No Bite

    In Some Cultures, The Conch Is Blown For Good Luck

    | Winter Park, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (A lady comes through my checkout line with some frozen conch chowder.)

    Me: “I’ve never tried this chowder before. Is it any good?”

    Customer: *loudly* “Oh, yes! I just love cock! That’s how you say it, right? Cock?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I think its pronounced conch…”


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