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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Unfortunately, Stupidity Is Forever

    | Pennsylvania, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Top

    (I have reddish brown hair with the underside dyed teal. Today, my hair is up in a clip, which makes it very visible.)

    Customer: “Ugh, why would you do that to yourself?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, do what?”

    Customer: “Dye your hair that awful color! Are you that desperate for attention?”

    Me: “No, teal is just my favorite color, and it makes me happy. And the great thing about hair is that it isn’t permanent.”

    Customer: “I don’t get you rebellious teenagers.”

    Me: “I’m 24 and very happily married. I’m not trying to rebel against anyone or anything. I just like teal, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What are you going to tell your kids when they ask why mommy has blue hair?”

    Me: “Oh, it’ll definitely be gone by then.”

    Customer: *walks out with a big tramp stamp sticking out from the bottom of her shirt*

    More Than You Bargained For, Part 2

    | Wisconsin, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    Woman: “Can you tell me the price of these pants? I found them on the 25% off rack.”

    Me: “Sure thing. They’re $22.50.”

    Woman: “But that’s not 25% off.”

    Me: “They probably got put on the wrong rack, but they were actually $45.00, so you’re actually getting 50% off.”

    Woman: “But the sign said 25% off.”

    Me: “I understand, but like I said, they were on the wrong rack and are actually more than 25% off.”

    Woman: “I want them for the price that the sign advertised! Can I just talk to a manager? You sales people are so stupid sometimes. It’s not a hard concept.”

    Me: “Oh believe me, I know it’s not a hard concept. Let me call a manager for you.”

    (I call a manager and she comes over. I explain to her what is going on.)

    Manager: “If you get these pants as the price they are ringing up at, they are $22.50. If you get them at 25% off, they are $33.75.”

    Woman: “That’s what I want! Why is math such a hard concept for the workers here to grasp? Just change the price and give them to me for $33.75 or whatever.”

    (I changed the price so they were more expensive. The customer walks away, still mumbling something about how we suck at math.)

    Related:
    More Than You Bargained For

    Red Grapes Or Wrath

    | Toronto, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (It is 9:30 pm on a Friday night. Note that the store closes at 10 pm.)

    Customer: “Hi, do you have any more red grapes? These ones look pretty rough.”

    Me: “No, sorry sir, but we’re all sold out of grapes.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? I think you’re lying. Get me some more grapes from the back.”

    Me: “Sir, I can assure you that if there were any more grapes, I’d have displayed them already.”

    Customer: “Bull! You just don’t want to bring me any so you can go home early!”

    Me: “No, we just don’t have any left. Our shipment comes in at 9:30 am tomorrow.”

    Customer: “What? No, it doesn’t. There aren’t any delivery trucks here at 9:30!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not lying to you, so I’d appreciate if you stopped accusing me of doing so.”

    Customer: “Let me talk to your manager! I bet he has some grapes in the back!”

    Me: “Look, sir. My manager has gone home for the night. I am certain that there is no secret back room that only he has access too.”

    Customer: “Well, fine! This is the last time I shop here!”

    (He reluctantly buys a bag of green grapes instead and walks away.)

    Related:
    The Grapes Or Wrath

    Free Karma With Purchase

    | Hamlin, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (I have just clocked out. I am in the employee break room gathering my things to leave, when a customer comes barging in.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! There is a line of fifty people out here! We need you to open your register!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m clocked out and don’t have a drawer in. I’m sorry, but she’s doing the best she can right now.”

    Customer: “Well that’s just ridiculous! I need to get checked out!”

    (The customer leaves the employee break room to go back in line and rant to her companion.)

    Customer: “Can you believe it? She’s clocked out! This is ridiculous!”

    (Upon seeing that there is in fact a longer line, I grab a drawer and open a register while still clocked out. After I check out five or so people, the woman comes back over, bags in hand.)

    Customer: “Well, THANK YOU.”

    (Another customer, who had been standing behind her the whole time, approaches me with a smile.)

    Another customer: “I’m currently disabled and don’t have my crutches, so standing is excruciating, but I’m going to take my time. I’m blocking that b**** in, and I want to make her wait!”

    An Idiom In Sheep’s Clothing

    | Iowa, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am a running through a rather elderly lady’s groceries.)

    Me: “Did you find everything all right today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, I did. Well…”

    Me: “Anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Your shirt is nice; such a lovely material. I will add that to my purchase, please.”

    Me: “Oh. Well, actually, I purchased this at [clothing store].”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll take your shirt please.”

    Me: “Um, ma’am, I’m afraid I am unable to give you my shirt.”

    Customer: “No, I’m the customer. You asked if I needed anything. I need your shirt!”

    (At this point, she attempts to pull it off of me. Upon seeing a fleet of coworkers heading towards me, she runs out of the store, leaving her groceries behind.)

    Manager: “What did she want?!”

    Me: “Literally the shirt off my back!”


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