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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 5

    | Central Florida, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (The kitchen supply store where I work is going out of business. All over the store are bright yellow and black signs stating this, along with, “All Sales Final, No Returns,” and “Cash and Credit Cards Only, No Checks Accepted”.)  

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Your total is [price].”

    (The customer opens her purse and pulls out a checkbook.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. We are not able to accept checks at this time.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because the store is going out of business.”

    Customer: “So, why is that my problem?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s not your problem. However, we are not able to accept checks any longer.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t see where it says that!”

    (I point at the sign behind me.)

    Me: “Here…”

    (I point at another sign on the front counter.)

    Me: “…here…”

    (I point at a third sign directly below her open checkbook.)

    Me: “…and here.”

    Customer: “I read at home! Why should I be forced to read when I shop?!”

    Related:
    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 4
    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 3
    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 2
    All Signs Point To Duh

    It Pays To Be Patient, Part 3

    , | Minnesota, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I am a manager at a fast food restaurant. Things have been running behind in the kitchen, so we are caught off-guard with a long line of cars, forcing customers to wait while their food is cooked. I deliver an order to one particularly unhappy customer.)

    Me: “Here you go, sir. I’m so sorry about the wait.”

    Customer: *snatches the bag from my hands and screeches off without a word*

    (A couple days later, I am working the morning shift again and the same man comes through the drive-thru.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, were you the girl I was angry with the other morning?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. I’m so sorry for making you wait so long.”

    Customer: “No, I’m sorry. You were just trying to do your job. Have a nice day!”

    (The customer proceeds to place a 10 dollar bill in my hand. I definitely had a nice day!)

    Related:
    It Pays To Be Patient, Part 2
    It Pays To Be Patient

    R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Part 2

    | New York, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (A mother and her two young children (both 4 or 5 years old) come through my checkout line. The mother is on her phone, totally oblivious to her children, who are running around and pulling on my apron strings. We have a spinning carousel with which to bag purchases; as I bag, the children begin spinning it around.)

    Me: “No, no, sweetie… please don’t do that. I’m trying to bag.”

    (Both children ignore me and keep spinning, and as a result I get hit by the carousel.)

    Me: *in pain* “Sweetheart, please don’t do that.”

    (The children continue to ignore me, so I put my knee on it so they can no longer spin it.)

    Me: “Please don’t.” *to the mother* “Ma’am?”

    Mother: *waves me off*

    (I have to lift a 24-pack of water, so I remove my knee from the carrousel. As expected, the children take this opportunity to spin it as hard as possible. I set the water down and stop the carousel.)

    Me: “Excuse me! When a grown up asks you to stop, you stop. This can hurt you if you get close, and we don’t want you to get hurt.”

    Mother: “B****! Don’t tell my kids what to do!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I asked them and I asked you to stop spinning the carrousel. Someone could get hurt.”

    Mother: “That’s bulls***!”

    (At this point, an elderly woman who has been waiting in line speaks up in my defense.)

    Elderly Woman: “Miss, you keep on bagging. This little hussy here should learn to watch her children, and if she can’t, then she shouldn’t have had them!” *to the mother* “In my day, you would be nice to the people at the register! Now, get off the phone and show some respect, because without nice young girls like this you’d never get your groceries and your kids would probably be bleeding on the floor while you’re on the phone too busy to care! What have you to say for yourself?!”

    (The mother was completely speechless and had nothing to say in her defense. Instead, she paid for her stuff and left as quickly as possible!)

    Related:
    R-E-S-P-E-C-T

    Some Customers Scare The Help Out Of Us

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Politics

    (I serve people their orders when they’re ready. If they’re old, a child, or otherwise seemingly unable to carry their tray, I’m required to offer assistance. On this day, an elderly man orders his food.)

    Me: “Do you need any help carrying that?”

    Elderly Customer: “Do I LOOK like I need help?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m required to offer help to people.”

    Elderly Customer: “Is this something that Obama is making you do?! D*** socialist!”

    Me: “N-no, sir… it’s the policy here.”

    Elderly Customer: “Well, I don’t need no d*** assistance!” *storms off with food*

    Grandma Won’t Be Outmatched

    | Illinois, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (I’m a customer and am standing in line at the checkout behind a very sweet-looking little old lady. She’s a stereotypical, blue-haired, tiny woman dressed in a very nice yellow and pink pantsuit. The cashier is a nice-looking young man in his late teens or early twenties.)

    Little Old Lady: *to the cashier* “You know, you’re a very handsome young man, and you can hold down a job. That’s a good thing.”

    Cashier: “Thank you, ma’am.”

    (The lady then proceeds to chat in a very friendly manner to the cashier. While talking, she’s very slowly and carefully placing one item at a time on the conveyor.)

    Little Old Lady: “So, I think my granddaughter would be perfect for you. She’s just turned nineteen, she has a nice job of her own, and she’s pretty. You boys like redheads, right?”

    Cashier: *dazed look*

    Little Old Lady: “You really should meet her. I just know you two would be perfect for each other! I know these things!”

    Cashier: “Um, ma’am—”

    Little Old Lady: “So, what do you say? Would you like to meet my Linda?”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, I’m gay.”

    (At this, the sweet-faced little old lady just blinks and smiles.)

    Little Old Lady: “Okay, so you need to meet my grandson instead!”

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