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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    You Few Who Queue To Argue

    | New Zealand | At The Checkout

    (This occurs at the busiest time of year for our company. We have every checkout possible open and there are often lines of at least 15 people during most of the day. I am serving at my checkout when I hear a customer grumbling from the line. He comes to my checkout.)

    Me: “Hi there, sir, thanks for waiting. Is this everything you wanted today?”

    Customer: “NO! I am NOT buying these products! I waited in line for twenty minutes and that is far too long for anyone to wait to buy anything!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, this is our busiest time of year and as you can see, all of our staff are currently serving–”

    Customer: “I don’t care! I’m not buying anything! You can put this all back yourself. I didn’t wait in line for this kind of treatment.”

    Me: “Um, so you waited in line to tell me that you aren’t going to wait in line and buy these products?”

    Customer: “Yes!” *storms off*

    Please Activate Your Brain While You’re At It

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | At The Checkout

    (I’m cashiering at a large department store. I have a customer who is really pushing my buttons by requesting different things in different bags and just being a pain in the butt. By the time she’s ready to pay, I just want her out of there.)

    Me: “Ma’am, your card was declined. You can try it again though, if you like.”

    Customer: “Wow, that’s weird. This card is brand new.”

    (She swipes it again, signs, and it is once again declined.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, it still won’t go through. Do you have another card?”

    (The customer spends ten minutes looking through her wallet and finally emerges with another card and swipes it through. She keeps looking at her first card while the second card is processing.)

    Customer: “Do you think it didn’t work cause I didn’t activate it?”

    Me: “Yeah, probably.”

    Customer: “Why do they make you do that anyway?!”

    Fertility Is A Contest

    | Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout

    (My coworker and I are talking in our tills since it’s a slow night when a woman walks up.)

    Customer: “I have eggs. A lot of eggs.” *walks away*

    Coworker: “Uh, that’s great?”

    Supervisor: “Sorry, girls, she runs a baking charity. I believe she’s picking up 16 dozen eggs today.”

    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide

    | Bradenton, FL, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am bagging a lady’s order when she asks me to go find some unflavored enhanced water drink for her–you know, the trendy, minimally flavored waters that come with vitamins.)

    Me: “Ma’am, [enhanced water drink] doesn’t come in unflavored. Is there something else I can get you?”

    Customer: “Yes, the unflavored one. You know, it has zero calories and no sugar.”

    Me: “Is it still carbonated?”

    Customer: “No, it’s uncarbonated too!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s just called water.”

    (I end up selling her a 24 pack of spring water.)

    The Gaze Of Amnesia

    | New Jersey, USA | At The Checkout

    (I work at a grocery store and have just rung up a middle aged man’s groceries. He has a very heavy Spanish accent.)

    Me: “Do you have a bonus savings card, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll give you my phone number to look it up. 973…umm…hold on.”

    Me: “Would you like me to put the store card in for you?”

    Customer: “No! I forgot my phone number! I’ve had the same phone number for 27 years. Then, I take one look into your beautiful green eyes and I forget!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. I can put a store card number in for you. You
    will get all of the same discounts.”

    Customer: “No, thank you.”

    (He then repeats the phone number over and over again until he gets the right one. Every time he’s come back to the store, I have to avoid looking him in the eye so he doesn’t forget.)


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